Just be there

Casey

Two weeks have passed since Izzie came to live us, officially. She is generally doing better, but she still has days that she seems to crawl into herself. Days where it takes me a lot of coaxing and persuading to get her to take care of herself by doing things like bathing, eating, and even just getting out of bed.

The good days are really good. Summer just started so we go on runs together, visit her siblings, talk and laugh. She likes to help my mom bake and cook, and I know part of that is her craving a maternal connection. She makes me be kinder to my mom, and the relationship between my mother and I has never been better. Her good days are such a blessing, like a light in my life.

The bad days are tough, I feel helpless and desperate for her to smile.

As the end of the month approaches, she starts having more bad days again. She won't tell me why, but I have a feeling it has to do with my Dad returning. His words still haunt her, and I have to try very hard not to feel angry at him for voicing her deepest fears to her and making her believe them about herself.

I try to reassure her that he will come around eventually, because I have to believe he will. She always nods, but I can see it in her eyes that she doesn't believe me.

Sam likes her, my mom adores her, but the person I am closest to in my family, my dad doesn't. I don't get it. How can he not see that she makes me better? I speak up more because of her, I am more empathetic. I appreciate my own family so much more than before. Sure our relationship hasn't been perfect, but no one has a perfect relationship. We always find our way back to each other and forgive each other. We work through our issues by talking them out. Isn't that what a healthy relationship is?

I know my dad believes that her "drama" is the reason I fell apart last year, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Her love and support is what kept me going as long as I did. Her kisses, light touches throughout the day on my arms or legs, and her smile sustained me like a plant in the sunlight. The academic pressure, the pressure from my dad, my coach, from the team, from my rigorous training schedule are what overwhelmed me.

I love this girl so much. Yes, she is obviously very beautiful physically. Which I appreciate when I look at her, but that isn't why I love her.

I love her because of her passion, bravery, and most of all her kindness. When she met Sam she instantly accepted him. Her simple "What's not to like?" is just how she is. She can be feisty, and come across as a bit of a bitch honestly but underneath she has the biggest heart of anybody I know. She took care of her siblings for years. She didn't have to. It wasn't her job. Yet, even as a small child she realized they needed her so she stepped up. She loved them and cared for them the best she could.

I lay down behind her, and press my face into her shoulder and wrap my arm around her waist. I breathe her in, and feel complete. "Goodnight my love" I whisper into her shoulder, as she's asleep. I kiss her head and fall asleep.