Can i buy you a book?

Chapter 11 - Why is it just so hard to erase the past?

This chapter is dedicated to Tahsin bhai cause he is awsome and my number one fan for all time wther it's a story or a stupid song or a poem i write

I could hear faint sound at the background. Hush tones speaking quietly not to wake me up. But I was up, didn’t even realize falling asleep while having all that memories being replayed in my mind.

I got up from the floor, which was a mess. I slept on the floor? Ok that later I took every scrap of my memory and locked it in the suitcase. Again. We humans, we have a heart. A heart that wouldn’t let us forget about the scars made in it. The wounds, they never heal. They are always there and anytime when we look at them mistakenly, it bleeds like the first time all over again. Yes, right now my past wounds are bleeding, all over again. Like freaking crime scene and more.

The thought of my parents not being here with me, not seeing my foster parents for ages, Nathan, my psycho ex and so many things. It was hurting like a bitch. I turn the water on. It was cold when I entered the tub. I didn’t even bother turning the heater on because when the water is cold and you are in it, it makes you feel numb. And I missed that feeling; feeling of being numb. So I just lied down on my tub. For hours, I was trying to drown my misery, my heart ache. It was working; I couldn’t feel the coldness after a while. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw my parent’s dead body or Mat’s cheeky smile or just the flash back of the days or the night.

Life comes with a whole package. It includes laughter, happiness, friends, family, love but it also gives us a extra dose of fear, death, hurt, betrayal, depression, sadness, worry mostly heartbreak. It’s funny how we all say we have moved on and yet our heart skips a beat and we can’t breathe remembering our past; whether it is the best or the worst. We sacrifice then we also tell ourselves that we sacrificed for them and they don’t care about us. We lie and then try to reason with own self that I did it for the better. Life is really a mad circus. It crushes you and then rises you up and then crushes you and then picks your broken pieces and then crushes you again. The cycle keeps on going till we take our last breathe.

One moment I had the best parents, next they are gone and I am blessed with another pair of amazing parents with a brother. Next moment I find a guy to fill the void and he turns out to be my parent’s killer and a psycho. Then I move out and find myself here trying to make a new start. Before I could think more this one cheeky guys smile invaded my stupid weird emo thoughts. One guy who I had a food fight with, one guy who bought me a book, one guy who got on my nerves and that one guy who I dwelled a lot too and that one guy who got me thinking of him just in one day.

I opened my eyes fast and quick. Not again, not one more heart break. No more crap of love. No more trusting anyone, I promised myself not to ever think of it and die with 100 cats on my lap. It weird since I am hopeless romantic. My fingers were crinkled so I stepped out of the tub and wrapped a towel and took deep breathes, promising myself that once out of this washroom I am not going to think of it anymore and start an amazing day. But seriously isn’t there an erase option? I smell waffles. OMG! She made waffles, ee I love Rose. I smile to myself, looks like my day has already started and I am hoping it doesn’t include a certain someone even though my inner voice was screaming it should.