Can i buy you a book?

Chapter 19 (part 3) - What just happened?

I could feel something warm against me. The sheets smelled different as I cuddle into a strong front. Someone was playing with my hair. It took me long but once I did realize what was happening I jolted up clutching the blanket to my dear life.

Mat looked at me with bewilderment. I slowly checked my clothes only to find them perfectly same as yesterday. Then what happened? I started putting back the puzzles. Went to his house and drank some coffee. Talked about life and everything we missed out on. He said he loves me and I kissed him. Wait what? Why did I kiss him? Aha we drank a lil and I suck at being in control when drank. Then again why I am dressed there must have been more.

"Hey you. Stop messing around with your little brain. Nothing happened. You wanted to but I thought it would be wrong." He whispered while hugging me from the back.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I just." I sighed.

He turned me around. My heart was beating fast and I felt insecure with my morning breathe and probably eye booggers too.

"I love you. I always will. Juls there is no getting over you. Yes things I have done is unforgivable. I can't even imagine what I put you through. I can't imagine how it would have felt to wake up every night with a hideous nightmare. Even if I keep saying sorry till the end of my last breathe it won't make up to what I have done to your life. But if you could look into my eyes once and search deep in my soul you will see how much more I was hurt to do this to the love of my life. I tried getting over you but I couldn't. I can't."

I swear I kept getting lost cause damn his jaw lines. I forgot how pretty he was but alongside that I wanted to ignore the flattering feeling of love in the pit of my stomach as he said each and every word. I know everyone I love will kill me if they get to know that I am gonna kiss him again and prolly make ten kids now.

"I don't think I will ever meet someone that could really compare to you. I have dated all sorts of girl; believe me I was contemplating changing genders after a while because no one could make me feel like you do; the feeling of being alive. I talked to all sorts and yet nobody could make me laugh as genuinely as you did. As if when you went you took my heart but I wished you took the whole of me so that this unnerving pain wouldn't kill me every day. I have compared you with everyone I met but no one could outstand you. I believe you're my soul mate and anything I say now may not matter but I love you. I cannot just stand here and let you go today knowing I had the chance to let you know how I feel." He had tears in his eyes at this point. Struggling with words.

" I was hurt, really hurt and that made something shut down in me. I couldn't come out of my shell for years. I didn't trust anyone around me. Every part of my body screamed for a way out. Some place I could be in peace. I have stumbled over my past for years now. You are right. Anything you say now will be no good. I am sorry Mat. It's too hard for me."

"Tell me you never loved me and tell me you can let go of me just like that. I am better person now. I promise if you give me a chance I will remove every scar and every mark on your body. I will... just give me a chance I will bring the world to your feet." After a long silence he inched closer. Tears furiously running down his eyes. He let our nose touch as he hold me tight.

"Just let me hold you for a while. You can go. You don't have to feel the same way."

Then we hugged.

After decades we both let go and I cleaned up myself. Looking at the mirror I didn't recognize the woman standing in front of me. A part of me wants to go back there and just be in his arms that part of me is the Julia Hethers that fell in love with Mathews Bing. Another part of me wants to walk away like I did years ago to find a place with bliss.

I rubbed my face hundred times before getting out of the washrooms. He was dressed by then and was leaning towards the window looking out. I guess he felt my presence.

"Let's drop you of shall we?"

I nodded my head.