Black Fire- Harry Potter AU

6. Colloshoo

"This is shit." Severus glanced over to his old friend. She had her hands propped behind her head and a frown deeply etched across her lips. A similar crease is mirrored along her brow bone and her furrowed brows.

Glancing to her lower half, he noticed her black boots resting on his desk. "Get your feet off my desk." The snake drawled. 

Mia rolled her eyes; she had always been much more childish than her friend. "I hate Umbridge. I'm about to pick up some tips and tricks from the kids and call her Umbitch. Right fuckin' toad she is." She let out a dramatic sigh. "And, now, Dumbledore wants me to apologize. Apologize! Even suggested I give her a gift. Bloody mental if he think's I'll do that."

Snape stifled a laugh seemingly forgetting they were behind closed doors. "You are such a child Mia." He paused looking at her scrunched face. "I know you don't like it, but you have to deal with it. Umbridge, Dumbledore, the whole lot." 

The witch let out a dramatic sigh. "You know Severus, you were always my favorite Slytherin. But for that, I'm going to have to demote you to second place, Regulus takes first."

"Regulus is dead Mia." He deadpanned. But hidden beneath his words, was the knowledge that the younger boy's death hurt him. 

"I know. Don't remind me."

Snape let out a dark chuckle. "How is it that we are sitting here, back at Hogwarts, where we spent years bathing in our own angst. Where did life go wrong that me and you, the Slytherin and the Gryffindor, would be each other's comfort. Where did we go wrong that our best friend was a year below us, the estranged brother of my enemy and your ex-fiancé. That that friend would be killed by his lover and we couldn't do jack shit about it because she fucking killed herself too. Where did life go wrong that we are dark magic users, barely trustable to our loyalties. Where did we go wrong Mia? Where?" As he talked, his voice battered its and broke. Sobs echoed from his mouth, air couldn't seem to inhale through his abnormally large nose fast enough. 

With wet eyes, Mia looked to her comrade and spoke softly. "I don't know Severus. I don't know. And I regret my utter incapacity each day. I regret leaving. I regret my happiest memories being when I'd forgotten everything. I regret not giving Reg and Brea love advice when I ran my fingers through their hair in the courtyard. I regret not defending myself when Sirius called me a death eater. I regret it all. I regret my only hope being the what-ifs. I regret thinking what if I had pushed Lily to forgive you. I regret wondering what if i had been nicer to Peter, more supportive. I regret realizing what if I didn't leave and what if I became the secret keeper. I'm Harry's godmother after all. I couldn't save James, nor his love, nor his cousin, nor his cousin's love.  

"And what if I can't fucking save Harry Sev? I'm supposed to be his godmother! I'm supposed to save him. And when I left his family fucking died and I couldn't save them because I wasn't there. And you can't have Lily, because she'll never realize that James is just as arrogant as she first saw. And I'll never be there to hold her as she cries because she married a man she doesn't love, because god damn it she loved him when she died and you loved her." She looked over his face once more and knew they shared the same broken expression. "And maybe she'd never realize, but maybe if I'd stayed she'd finally mend things with you and you'd have closure and you'd be able to move on and I wouldn't have killed all my friends, because when Lily died, I know a part of you did too. 

"And I fucking regret leaving. So maybe that's where it all went wrong. Maybe it all went wrong when I was sorted into Gryffindor because I couldn't live up to the name. The bravest thing I've done is be friends with  Slytherins. And even that was because I was selfish; I loved my Opa too much to give up the dark arts and Slytherins were the only ones I could turn to. So maybe it all went wrong when I loved my Opa. And yet, somehow, that's the only thing I don't regret. Because I'm not Sirius. And my family is my fatal flaw. Screw it if my bravery is in the form of loving a man of evil, but I don't regret my Opa."