The Wrong Right One!

A Decision I never made!

October 2015

Today is the most favorite day of the Pre-Wedding shenanigans, the day we get THE dress . I'm waiting for my mother and my maid of honor who should arrive in few minutes in the coffee shop straight opposite to KField Bridal gown designers, the most famous affordable wedding dress designers in town. I often come to this coffee shop and gaze at the dresses the mannequins wear and every time I wish I could have been a mannequin at this shop wearing a new gown everyday. I leave as I see my mom and Rach. 

The door opens and we enter looking at the dim yellow lights at either sides that makes the dresses look more elegant. There's a full size mirror with a dais set up where I already see a Bride looking at herself in her wedding dress and her family sitting in a couch near it, commenting on the dress. She looks beautiful. An agent starts showing me the dresses that she thinks will suit me. But I know what I want. 

A satin dress,  with lace detailing around the waist and in the sleeves. I want it to look like Kate Middleton's wedding dress , not entirely just the details that I loved. The agent shows me so many dresses but nothing satisfies me. And finally she picks this beautiful dress , it's in Satin and has lace , it's better than what I had expected. The dress chooses the bride just like how the wand chooses the wizard. I'm going to try the dress and I'm as excited as I could possibly be. 

I love it. This is the dress. Thank God. I go out to see myself in the full sized mirror with the perfect lighting wanting to hear my mom & Rach talk about how beautiful I look. The agent attaches a net veil to the hair and I feel like I'm ready to get married right now. 

"Perfect...!!!!!!!", my mother almost yells and everyone at the store are staring at us now.

"I never knew you were this beautiful.... I love it. It's the dress. Lets go !", says Rach, confidently. 

We get the dress and step out. I'm so happy and I'm not sure if I'll be even half happy as today on my Wedding day. I still haven't told Mike about Damon. I'm scared to tell him but it would be so unfair if I don't.  Even though it happened almost a decade ago, Mike deserves to know it before he says I do.  And there, my happiness is suppressed by my anxiety as I think about it. I go home after dropping my mother at her friend's place. 

October 2005.

Alright. It's a new day. I stand in front of the mirror in my school uniform and I'm gathering the courage to go to school , to face both of them. Though I spent hours last night, it was of no use. Secretly I wish Michael to step back and I wish Damon would step up. But if Michael becomes ready for an open relationship, I will tell him all about Damon & the misunderstanding before getting into a commitment. I pick up my bag and search for my phone. I switched it off and threw it in anger yesterday. I find it near the lower end of my bed , under the sheets. I still don't wish to switch it on right now. I want to talk to Damon first & then I'll know what Michael has decided. I'm still mad at him for keeping this a secret. If he had shown any teeny tiny signs in person, I would not have gotten myself into this mess. I know I'm responsible too, but it's easy to blame. And suddenly I feel nervous thinking what if Damon turns about to be serious and if Michael is ready for an open relationship, both at the same time. Oh my god. I take a deep breath and step out , ready to face anything, including all the slut-shaming that's going to happen. It's one of the desperate times in life when you leave things to God.

My mom drops me off at school and I get down with a little hesitation. I see Michael sitting in the corridor from long . He look so serious, intensely serious than his usual face. He has both his hands in his head and he's looking at the ground. For a moment I feel bad for him. He's a good person and he loves me. I think I shouldn't have pressurized him to this extent but I'm also hell bent on my decision that if there's going be a relationship it cannot be a secret one. 

All the boys from the  basketball  team are standing near Michael and they all look serious. Some sad, and I think Chris is almost having tears. I suspect they might have lost some tournament but I also feel this reaction is a little exaggerated. I walk past them and I see a group of my classmates surrounding the class counsellor. Andrea is literally crying. I don't think basketball is the reason for all this tension around, something else has happened. I walk fast and I hear the counsellor's words.

"He will survive. Let's pray for him! Don't worry guys" 

Who will survive. What happened to whom. 

"What happened? Who will survive ... what are you talking about?", I ask, in complete nervousness. Everyone gives me a pity look but nobody says anything. 

"Someone say something.........", I shout this time impatiently. 

"We tried to reach your mobile. I sent you a message last night. It's Damon........ ", says Rach, taking a pause and looking at the counsellor. 

Okay it can't be this. NOT HIM. 

"What's with Damon ? ", I ask again.

"He met with an accident last night. He was drunk ... overspeed.... collapsed. We got a call late in the night. ", says the counsellor.

Oh no. I feel like fainting. It's worse. I know he's not the one, I know it's not love, I know it's selfish to even think about this now but I want to see him again , I need to talk to him. 

"But he's fine right... what? some fractures?", I ask anxiously. I quickly turn and notice that he's not there with the other guys from the basketball team.

"He has a head injury and has lost lot of blood. He's critical. I know you two don't like him very much but I hope you'll pray for his recov.............", the counsellor is interrupted by Head master with an announcement.

"Students, With great sadness I inform you that Damon Priestley is no more. He was a great student, a great player and with no doubt a great friend to many of you. Though he tried to fight back, we've lost him forever. May his soul Rest In Peace. "

I honestly don't know what I feel and most importantly how to express it. I don't feel like crying. It feels numb. Empty. I can hear my heart pounding. People around me are crying and hugging each other. I walk away from the place and I'm not blinking. I reach the lawn, I kneel down trying to digest what I just heard. Damon is DEAD. Everything comes flashing to me. The times we fought over silly stuff, his "I'm A-mazing" after he wins, his smiles, his winks. His winks. Tears rolls down my eyes and I regret not talking to him soon. He's dead and I will never know what he felt about me. Or even what I truly felt about him , for the fact. He is gone forever. I'm not sure why but a hundred possibilities cross my mind where I could have talked to him, confessed my feelings and I didn't. He deserved to live. Why, God. 

I feel a hand on my shoulder suddenly and I raise my head. It's Michael. He lifts me up and I'm standing very near to him. He wipes my tears and hugs me. He doesn't say anything for some time. And then he says, 

"I didn't know he was your friend. I miss him too.."

I hug him back. 

"Let's go. Everyone's there." , he holds my hand and I turn to look at him as we walk.