The Wrong Right One!

A Fine Line !

October 2015

Today is the day. Not my wedding day but the day I tell Michael about Damon. I remember the first time I told myself that I would get into a relationship with Michael only after I tell him about Damon and here I am , after ten years, still trying to gather the courage to talk to him about it.

"Mike.... We need to talk...!", I call him, from the blue couch.

"You make it sound so serious every time but it'll be for some silly reason... tell me... is it about flowers or the food.......?", he comes and sits near me. 

"I've been meaning to tell you something.... something very important, something that you should've known.... a long time ago", I say with fear in my tone.

"Okay, now you are scaring me. Yes, you have my attention.... ", he says in his stern lawyer-like voice and looks into my eyes. I have memorized what I'd tell him many years back and I can't believe now I'm finally gonna tell him. I look into his eyes, his face , his hair. One part of me is trying to stop me wondering "What if he leaves you", other part of me is pushing me to tell him the truth "He deserves to know it!". And I get ready to tell him. 

October 2005

I came home and  locked myself into the bathroom, under the shower. It's kind of becoming my hang out place these days, to feel the pain, to cry my heart out and to be alone. I still hope this could be some weird dream but it's not. It has happened and we have to accept it. I have to accept it. Moving on is my strong suit. Not that I'm proud of but I can move on from anything faster than expected. But I don't think I can move on from all this. Not from the fact that Damon's dead or not from the fact that someday I have to tell about this to Michael. I will tell him soon and if he chooses to leave me I'm fine by the decision too. After all, I deserve that. Guilt is one of the worst feelings for a human to go through and I feel it as I'm going through it right now. I miss the times when I was a child, when life was easy. Going to school, doing homework, scoring well. Even the biggest decisions that I had to make were related to ice creams or burgers, not guys or fatalities. Somewhere in me , my instinct tells that life's not going to get easy as I grow up. It's going to get even tougher and I should be ready for anything that's coming my way. 

Two days later

Today is Damon's funeral service at the school and I was asked to give him a eulogy speech representing the school. I took my black dress, which I call the funeral dress as I wear it to most of the funerals. But I feel like I should wear something else, something special, as it is for Damon. And I took another black dress which I saved for long. 

I pick the sheet in which I had printed the eulogy speech last night and I start to read it to myself. 

"On behalf of St.Lawrence's High School, I would like to begin by thanking everyone who are here today for Mr.Damon Priestley's service. The school and the family have received countless messages & calls expressing grief. Thank you for all your prayers for Damon. 

I am Emma Carlyle, a classmate and a dear friend of Mr.Priestley."

I take a pause thinking whether I was a dear friend or more than that. Or was it all an illusion from my end that I'm not ready to accept. Sigh. I go back to continue reading.

"Damon, was a great son, a great student - topper of the class, a great sport - captain of the basket ball team and a great friend to many of us here. He was such an enthusiastic guy whom almost everyone in the school knew and liked. He shared a separate and special bonding with most of us, which only the individual will know and miss him for the same. There wasn't any single thing that Damon was bad at or was hated for. He was loved and he will be loved , for he had an impact in people's life to be ever forgotten. May his soul Rest in Peace!"

Tears roll down my cheeks as I finished reading it and my phone vibrates. It's a message from Michael. 

MICHAEL SINCLAIR

"You okay ?"

I'm seeing his message but I don't know what to reply. He doesn't know how deeply I'm affected as he , like any other person in the school, thinks I hated Damon. My phone rings with the Harry Potter theme music...

MICHAEL SINCLAIR calling...

I picked the call.

"Hello ? ", his voice. Every time I hear his voice in the phone reminds me of the basketball court where I talked to him for the first time.

"Hi.... tell me", I said. 

"Are you ok? You don't sound quite well.", he asked with concern.

"I am doing ok.... no problem ... tell me ", I said, in a tone expecting him to say something. I don't know if deep down I'm expecting anything but I sounded like that.

"Well... I know it's not the right time or mood to say this. And may be I'll regret this forever for doing this now , over the phone... but .... I love you!!! I don't care about anyone's opinion. I'm not shy... I am ready for a open relationship and... I LOVE YOU...", he says, in a pace so fast.

"I know.... I love you too....!!", I say, impulsively and I cut the call.