The Wrong Right One!

Ice breaker!

October 2015

Okay, this is it. I'm telling him. 

"I didn't fall in love with you in the beginning....", I start and look down, not having the strength to. 

"What do you mean... you had a puppy love when you were a child or what?", he laughs interrupting me. God, this is tougher than I thought. 

"No....", I hesitate, " I fell in love with Damon. Damon Priestley from our school.", I look up to see him and he has his confused look on his face. "The messages that you sent ... that we sent to each other,... I thought it was Damon. Not you..!", I say, expecting him to say something.

"What...... for.... how long .... ", he asks, still in a confused state.

"For almost two months .... I found that it's not Damon only the day before he passed away. That was day I found that it's you and I told I can't be in a secret relationship...", he is still looking confused. I continue,

"That day Damon asked my phone number and asked me out on a date. That's when I knew that he was not the one who sent the messages... But I agreed to go with him because I was confused... I didn't know whom I liked at that point.... I wasn't sure whom I had feelings for... you or him", I stop as he interrupted me.

"So you just decided to go on a date with him to see if your feelings for him is real but you didn't get a chance to , as he died...", he says, giving me a betrayed look that I was not ready for. 

"Yes........!", I finally told him and I realize that I'm crying without my knowledge.

"You didn't get to decide. You settled .... for me ", he looks straight into my eyes and I don't know what to say.

"It's complicated ... it's not like that...", I try to make it easy knowing it won't.

"No.... Emma.... It's as simple as that !", he stands up. 

"Mike... Listen to me... !", I say in a very very scared tone.

"What ..? ", he shouts, "there's more to this stupid betrayal story that you decided to tell after a decade?". He is hurt. What did I expect. Of course he is hurt. 

"I tried to tell it to you soon... In fact I wanted to tell it to you the day you first said that you loved me", I'm trying to plead my failing case with a lawyer , knowing that he'd win the case.

"You tried ? Really ..? Wow!! Emma... You know , that's so comforting. SHE TRIEDDD", he looks at the wall and yells. "May I ask what stopped you from telling ? "

"I ... I was scared . I was scared to lose you.... I didn't want to lose you!!", I say and tears started to well up in my eyes. 

"Scared of losing me? Do you hear yourself ? You were in love with Damon until the previous day and you were scared of losing me the next day ?  ", he asks a logical question. But how can I tell that the sixteen year old girl wasn't really clever. 

"No.. I was in love with the person who sent the messages. I mistook it to be Damon, but it was you all along. I was in love with you all along and I didn't want to lose you...!", I say it in a loud voice believing that it would convince him.

"Oh you told yourself this crap when you told me that you loved me...? God, Emma , I can't believe you......!", he says giving me a disgusting look. He hates me.

"Mike.. I am Sorry! I wanted to tell you this for so long. I didn't mean to hide it from you", I say looking at his eyes. He nods in disagreement and wiping tears from his cheeks. I didn't even notice until now that he's crying too. I've never seen Mike cry for anything before and it hurts to see him this way. 

"This is not happening...We're done", he said, shortly and starts to move.

I'm standing in disbelief and I shout, "What.......?" , and I hold his hand. "I told you this now because I wanted you to know it before the wedding, so that we can lead a beautiful life together...", I say with so much hope that he'd understand. 

"You just can't decide it for me...", he says and frees his hand from mine. "Just ask yourself what if our roles were reversed. What if... I did this to you and hid it from you for 10 freaking years ! Will you still love me", he asks in a hateful tone.

"Yes, I will still love you. I'll be mad at you for hiding this but I can never stop loving you...!", I say.

He gives a mocking laugh and says, "Well that's the difference between you and me! " , and starts to walk again. 

I run to go stand in front of him. "We've been in a relationship for a decade. We've been together through thick and thin. We can't just end it like that....", I plead.

"A relationship that was built on a betrayal !!!! A relationship which probably wouldn't have existed if Damon was alive !!  Look into my eyes and tell me it's not true .!!!!", he says waiting for me to respond and then he walks again as I was not able to face him or the truth. And this time I didn't try to stop him because I realized that there's nothing I could tell.

I just stand in the same place looking at the floor. I know that I am crying. I know that Mike is packing to leave but I don't know what to do. He stormed off, I look up at the door and stand there in disbelief of how I broke my relationship, how I shattered his heart into pieces and how I could have stopped both from happening if I had told him the truth back then. 

Rachel came running in some time and she is shaking my whole body to get my attention. "Mike called and asked me to check on you...! What the hell happened ? ", she asks in a frightened tone. I smile hearing it. After all that I did to him, he still cares about me. I wonder if I will ever forgive myself for breaking his heart. But I promise to myself that I will fix this. It's not over.