Infernal Redemption

Chapter 4

The distance we had to cover didn’t really seem as long as the space between Ryan and me that morning and the sad part is that I wish I could slam the breaks on my heart the same way he did that door on my face.

In about three weeks of spending almost half to the entire day with him, I did start having feelings for him. I didn’t quite know the degree of his assault but I did know that it pained me to see him hurt and all that I desired was to fix his cavity with my fill of just being. There were words that I refused to say out loud because it would only make them that much more real.

My head knew it shouldn’t be falling for him, but the rest of me couldn’t stop.  He was like petrichor, once you inhale it you just can’t wait for the next storm to get intoxicated again.

“Hello, earth to Janae.” I hear him murmur beside me.

“Why are you whispering?”

“I thought you’d have a heart attack if I spoke any louder. You were so lost in paradise, mumbling on incoherently, I almost feel bad for breaking your trance”

“Ryan, leave me alone.”

I wriggled my wrist free from his grasp, got up and moved a couple of seats ahead of me; I needed some quality me time. It was a state of trance like this that actually got me to write. That’s another thing about me, a thought comes to me like an epiphany and then I just have to put it down on paper.  As if they would vanish into thin air in an instant and I would have lost a significant amount of mystical gold. I pulled my journal out and started writing. Writing, to me, is like a flash of anger; you don’t remember the things you say until someone reminds you of them. Ten minutes into an ebbing rage, I re-read the words I just penned.

“A Colour Called Grey”

The winds of time

They blow in my face

The tables have turned

In your favour, they say

Lost in thought

I have aged a day

Wisdom and sunshine

I have lost, they say

Shadows and ink

Keep me company

Papers and spills

All I have left, they say

A sound within

Makes me believe

Black and white

Are colours lost, they say

The sky openly whimpers

It rains when it shouldn’t

Faith and love

Are only words, they say.

“What do we have here, Angel?” Ryan said as he snatched my journal away from me. When had he been standing over my head watching me scribble? Not even Rose was allowed to touch my journal, let alone read its contents without my permission.

“Ryan, this is personal. Give it back. Now.” I hissed, I was beyond livid and he really was getting onto my last nerve. Clearly not wanting to create a scene, I kicked him in the boot and sank back down in my seat. My sighs became heavy and my eyes never left his face.

Five minutes into making a pensive face, a cute little pout that almost made me forget the fact that I was mad at him; he gives me the journal back, I felt as if a grave right had been violated, but before I could say something he almost admits something

  “Angel, this is… I mean, it’s so… I just…”

He cut off mid-sentence as if some divine light just shined upon him. He abruptly left my side, pulled his phone out and started furiously typing into his phone. A message meant to be sent later, maybe. That’s all I could come up with; I mean I saw the look on his face. There was acknowledgement in his eyes, something those iris read that was so relatable that it stunned him. I sank back into my seat, soaking his brilliance in. Suddenly, my thoughts were brutally intercepted by the announcement made for landing.

“I am the good guy here, never forget that” Ryan said as he walked passed me to take his seat.

 “How can I? You never let me forget.” I replied, as I closed my eyes, waiting for the tyres to hit against the smooth runway. I am not a very easy flyer, take offs and landings make my tummy tickle and tumble. I’m generally half off my seat while my nails are firmly digging into the closest thing around me. Gathering myself I hurry out of the plane to flash into my hotel room.