Deucalion Family One-Shots

Pinch and a Punch, First Day of the Month!

"PINCH AND A PUNCH, FIRST DAY OF THE MONTH! WHITE RABBITS NO RETURNS!"

Morrigan shrieked as her covers were torn from her, and a hand made contact with her upper arm. Sitting up, she groggily watched as a ginger-headed man ran out her door.

Springing up, Morrigan ran after him, only nearly tripping on the bird-shaped rug her room had recently stimulated. It must have thought it was funny, but Morrigan, on the other hand, was not amused.

She followed Jupiter a few doors down the hall before entering a door after him, wincing as he jumped onto the bed, screaming the same thing he had when he'd so rudely woken her.

"PINCH AND A PUNCH, FIRST DAY OF THE MONTH! WHITE RABBITS NO RETURNS!"

A muffled yelp followed by a groan and a, "really?!" could be heard from under the covers before Jupiter ran out.

Morrigan approached the bed as Jack sat up, hair askew and looking at his door with a look of amusement and bafflement. He looked up at Morrigan, eyebrows raised. She only shrugged in return.

"A hit and a kick for being so quick," Jack mumbled, glaring back at his open door, pulling his covers back over his head.

Morrigan rolled her eyes, grabbing the covers to stop him from disappearing under them.

"Do you think he's got Fen yet?"

The two shared a mischievous grin before running out into the hallway, trying to follow Jupiter on his usual first of month routine.

Morrigan had found out rather quickly about Jupiter's monthly antics. He'd gone somewhat easy on her at first, allowing her to adjust to it before going full throttle as he did to the rest of their family at the Hotel Deucalion.

By now, Morrigan knew how the rest of the family reacted:

Frank hid until midday when he couldn't be attacked anymore, but nearly everyone except Jupiter knew that if you approached a particular curtain in the lobby, it would start quivering.

Martha would try to avoid Jupiter and always ended up hiding behind Charlie, who did his best to protect her, nearly always getting pinched and punched by both Jupiter and Martha – who was always up for a bit of fun – in the process.

Kedgeree was who Jupiter usually approached first, knowing that the elderly gentleman's reaction was to sigh and take it like a man, putting up no fight at all.

Jack would often try and avoid coming home on the first day of a month – if school ended the day before, he'd stay an extra day, just to avoid going home to get tackled by Jupiter. But Morrigan had heard the stories of a tiny Jack running all through the hotel trying to escape his crazy uncle.

Chanda would always have some excuse of why she couldn't be pinched and punched, and most times, it went like this; "Not now, Jove, I've just got my hair done for goodness' sake- NO! JUPITER, YOU ABSOLUTE SON OF A-"

And then there was Fenestra. She would hiss and snarl at Jupiter, but he paid no mind to that, always going in for the kill, even if that did mean being used as a seat for a Magnificat's great backside.

Which is why they had to get him back.

When Jack had jokingly suggested that they all camp outside Jupiter's door from three or four in the morning and all pounce on him once he exited his room, the Deucalion Family knew they had found their masterplan. And when Morrigan had mentioned it to Hawthorne, they knew there was no turning back.

At three-thirty on the morning of Saturday the first of August, six people, a Vampire-Dwarf and a Magnificat crept around to the dear Hotel Deucalion's hotelier's bedroom door, sitting against it and the wall either side it, waiting and listening for the ginger man to awaken for his monthly ritual.

It took about an hour and a half, but as soon as the sun rose, so did Jupiter. As soon as his hand grasped the doorknob on the inside of his door, Morrigan, Jack, Frank, Chanda, Martha, Charlie, Kedgeree and Fen were ready.

"PINCH AND A PUNCH!"

"PINCH AND A PUNCH, FIRST DAY OF THE MONTH! WHITE RABBITS NO RETURNS!"

"PINCH AND A PUNCH, YOU DIRTY SCOUNDREL-"

"AAHHHHH! PINCH AND A PUNCH, WHITE RABBITS!"

Various screams of the well-known saying filled the air as each of the eight members of the Deucalion Family tried to pinch and punch the ninth member with different rates of success.

In the end, they all ended up a pile of kicking and screaming on the ground, and guests from nearby doors came running out of their rooms looking terrified.

"What's going on? Who's being beaten up?"

"Captain North, are you okay?"

Jupiter lay stunned on the floor, trying to comprehend what had just happened. Finally, he sat up, pushing Fen's tail off of him alongside Kedgeree's foot.

"Perfectly fine, please head back to your rooms – this really shouldn't be a surprising occurrence," he looked from the guests to the others still scattered across the floor.

Once the guests were gone, he turned to fully face his family, who were now mostly standing up.

"Right," he licked his lips, shaking his head and placing his hands on his hips, beginning to chuckle, "you got me good."

"Now what's that other saying? 'A hit and a kick for being too quick?'" he directed the question to Jack and Morrigan, whose eyes widened as they shared a brief look.

"Crap, run!"

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Hello there! I hope you've enjoyed a much-delayed update of Deucalion Family Oneshots! I hope you like it as much as I do! I've had a few other oneshot ideas so look out for those, and if you've been reading Sentiment of a Witness, look out for more updates soon! Thanks for reading!