Inner Warrior || Seungbin ✔️

6

Message from: Kim Seungmin
___

Kim Seungmin

can we go out
for a drive tonight?

yeah, i'll pick
you up in ten

thanks

_____

Changbin waits patiently for Seungmin to get into his car. Once he does, the younger avoids eye contact. "Thanks for coming."

"What's the matter?"

"Just too many thoughts."

"I have all night, Kim. Care to be less vague?"

Seungmin sighs, leaning up against the door. He gazes out of the window, watching the dark skies pass by. "I'm conflicted."

The elder doesn't push, not wanting to scare him off as he tends to do. He wants to understand why Seungmin feels this way toward his now ex.

"I looked at his Instagram. He doesn't post much, but there was something new. A meaningless quote with a photo of himself."

"Are you sure it's meaningless?"

"The quote? No. It means something, but not to me or him. He has no right to even post it. I'm not the one who broke up with him, yet he likes to act that way. It said something about loneliness. It didn't make sense."

"That makes you mad?"

"Yeah, it does. While he's over here playing victim, I'm fucking suffering. He's a fucking monster who knows how to play the right tricks." Seungmin huffs out the last sentence, his voice close to breaking. He clears his throat, shaking his head. "This is all so stupid."

"What is?"

"This! The relationship and non-relationship. I should know better by now. I do know better by now, but I don't want to leave. I love him so much, or I thought I did. Something is still there, but I don't even know. It's fucking toxic, I'm aware. But I don't know what to do. It feels good and bad having him in my life. It feels good and bad having him out. It's all the fucking same, so why should it matter if we date again? Or if we date a year later? I know why, because it's fucking breaking me! And I know I keep contradicting myself, I know! But everything I do feels so wrong and right. I don't even know how to explain it. Just thinking about it is giving me a fucking headache. Fucking hell."

He breaths heavily, covering his face with his hands. "It's so hard, Changbin. Inside, it feels so wrong. It hurts so much. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to let go. I know I need to, but how? How?"

Changbin bites his tongue, unsure how to answer his friend's question. He wanted so badly to help, but what the hell was he supposed to say to that? He, himself, had trouble letting things go.

"Seung... letting go means to come to the realization that some people are apart of your history, but not apart of your destiny. Junghee will be nothing in your future, unless you decide to have him. You have to give up on people sometimes, man. Even if you still care, they don't. You won't always get closure. You won't get answers. You won't get what you want. You won't feel good after. But you need to realize what's best for you. I can't tell you how to let go. I can only help push you in that direction."

______

•The letting go quote: Steve Maraboli•