dead (discontinued)

0.7

saturday, january 24th 2015

my feet ached, my voice was gone, and everyone's voices sounded slightly more high pitched than usual. my skin was sticky and warm from being surrounded by drunk teens for the majority of my night.

it was raining outside, the rain was slowly pelting against my skin and i was humming along to the slow trickle of the water hitting the cars parked on the street.

you got back together with her.

it made sense, it really did, because you two were the match made in hell, excuse me, heaven.

i sat back and watched as your friends clapped your shoulders and everyone was whooping in celebration. the girls pulled her aside to gossip about how sweet you were. it sounds stupid, but it felt like it went in slow motion.

the worst part of it, is that you ruined my favorite song. now i can't even listen to the damn song without being reminded of you and that stupid damn party.

thinking out loud was playing and i watched as the couples grouped together and the singles went and sat at the tables or just danced with friends.

i watched as you grabbed her hands and wrapped them around you neck.
and it hurt, because it felt as if you betrayed me. i had to remind myself that it wasn't your fault, and you weren't doing this on purpose.

but still, for some ridiculous and naïve reason, i thought this would be some fucking movie scene, where you would search the crowd and yell out my name and ask me to dance.

you would come to the side of the dance floor and pull me along through the crowd and wrap your arms around my waist, and your head on my shoulder, not caring what she or your friends thought.

you would whisper stupid jokes into my ear that would make me giggle while everyone else was lost in their own world.

but no, i was outside trying to calm myself down and push myself to go back inside and have a good time, because you shouldn't be able to do this, it wasn't fair.

i wonder if you noticed i wasn't inside, did you care? did you wonder where i was?

if you did notice, would you come and look for me?

"hey," i heard a voice coming from the door of the venue. it was el.

i thought it was you, again, me being stupid.

"hey," i whisper back, my voice being slightly drowned out by the rain. she stepped all the way out and let the door shut behind her.

"what are you doing out here?" she asked shivering.

"just needed some air." i smiled back softly.

she scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"mhm okay, mind if i 'get some air' with you?" she says finger quoting.

"as long as that isn't code for sex or somethin-" i said putting my hands up.

"don't!" she half-yelled, half giggled while shoving my shoulder.

our laughter slowly faded out and we sat together, backs pressed against the wall, listening to the rain become heavier and heavier.

she sighs and looks over at me, with pity or sympathy, i couldn't tell.

"so they got back together?" she questions softly.

i nodded and shrugged my shoulders, she doesn't seem like the person to know everything, but she really does pay attention to everything.

she knows about you and it's a bit reassuring because i don't have to explain myself to her.

i look over at her sadly, "he cheated again didn't he?"

she squeezed her eyes shut and wrapped her arms around her stomach.

"we really got fucked over didn't we?"
her voice cracked as she ran her hand through her hair.

i nodded along and let my head rest against the brick wall.

that's the only simple description i can come up with now.

all you've done is fuck me over.