dead (discontinued)

0.10

monday, february 8th 2015

as i later learned i don't handle stress well. you always made fun of the way that i would organize and make lists of things i needed to do and then somehow procrastinated doing all of them. everything somehow leads back to you and i don't know how to make it stop. my every thought is about you or what you would say or do.

nothing makes sense inside these bland white walls. i miss you. i miss you so much my body aches and my heart hurts. i get migraines constantly and i'm never hungry. a few people have come to visit, but why haven't you? el visited me last week and brought me some black nail polish, i don't know why but i assume it was because she couldn't bring anything hazardous like pencils or pens.

my mother and father come in everyday but my mother always leaves in tears just from the sight of me. my father just sighs and follows her out. it's a cycle. i never intended to hurt anyone, ever. for some reason though, i don't care. i'm numb and even though i know i should feel something, i don't.

i'm beginning to think there really is something wrong with me. i wish you could tell me your thoughts, i miss your voice and your eyes.

a girl in my third period english class also brought by flowers, she said that they were from you. why didn't you just bring them? do you not want to see me? i don't understand why i want to see you but i need to. please do visit me soon. i don't know how much longer i want to be in this room.

i've asked to leave but i'm always left unanswered. i don't know what's wrong with me but i'm indifferent. i only cared about you. nothing else matters i just need to see you and know that you're alright.

i'm still keeping our promise, are you? i don't know where you are or what you're doing but i do hope you're happy.