Stop The World

Chapter 25

I found myself outside of Niall's door. I had been standing here for thirty minutes now. Trying to make myself ring the doorbell but I just couldn't. I needed to go home and start getting ready for the dance tonight but here I was standing here and couldn't move if I even tried. I knew what I wanted. I wanted him to tell me not to go. If he would just tell me not to go I wouldn't. I would bail on Harry easily and not even feel bad for it. But that wasn't going to happen. It would never happen. I was kidding myself to even think that Niall was going to come out here. He was probably in there with his girlfriend doing who knows what. I turned around and decided to go back to my car. I guess I just needed to settle for Harry. He wasn't going to or wouldn't walk away from me like Niall did. Maybe settling for Harry wasn't going to be a bad thing. Even though I would never feel the same about him. I could never feel the love I felt like I do for Niall. But maybe one day when I finally forgot about Niall I would. Who really even knew if I would ever forget about Niall. He was always going to be the love of my life that got away. Depressing yes but not as depressing as not being able to even move on. I got into my car but I didn't even drive away from his house. I still had the slightest hope he was going to come out here and see me. But what if he wasn't home? What if he was at the church? I turned on my car and decided to drive to the church. If he wasn't there then I would just go home and get ready. I knew he had to of been there. That was the only other place I really knew where to look for him. I needed him to tell me not to go tonight. More importantly I needed him. I needed him to tell me that he wanted me. That he loved me. I knew it was a stretch but maybe it could happen. Maybe it would happen. I drove as fast as I could to that church. As fast as I could without getting pulled over and getting a ticket fast. My mind raced with all the possibilities that could happen. He could see me and kiss me or he could see and treat me like shit. It was a chance I had to take. As I turned the corner I saw Nialle's car. He was here! I could barely even contain all of my emotions at once. I parked and got out. I heard music coming from inside. Niall was probably in there playing his guitar. I walked up to the door and peeked in the window. But what I saw wasn't what I wanted to see. Yes, Niall was in there but he was in there with the same girl had I saw at his house two months ago. Who was I even kidding? Niall had someone. Niall loved someone. And that someone wasn't me. It was never me. It never would be me. I walked back to my car and drove off. Sure I did cry all the way home. I didn't want to go to this stupid dance with some guy I didn't even care about. But I was stuck with him. I was settling for him because I couldn't have who I really wanted. I was never going to have him. I needed to understand that and stop setting myself up for so much hurt over and over again. Harry was going to be the best thing I'd ever get. Hey, at least he did love me. Unlike Niall who loved someone else. How'd I give up everything just to be with him. How'd I would risk everything that I had just to be with him. But it wasn't going to happen. I walked into my house after sitting in my driveway for twenty minutes trying to get myself together. 
       

¨There you are.¨ my mom said greeting me as I walked in the door.
     

  ¨Hey mom.¨ 
     

  ¨You need to stat getting ready Nori. You're going to be late.¨ 
     

  ¨I really don't want to go.¨ 
     

  ¨Nori you have too! This is winter formal. The second most important thing besides prom. You're going.¨ 
She pushed me up the stairs and forced me to get ready. I didn't want too but I did. Winter formal was important to her and my dad. Story was that was where they fell in love. Where they knew they were meant to be together forever. And winter formal was important to Harry as well. As much as I didn't want to go I didn't want to let anyone down. I didn't want to act like I was happy anymore. I wasn't happy. I was still heartbroken over Niall. I was miserable without him. All I wanted was him. But I couldn't go back. 
     

  ¨Why don't you want to go tonight?¨ my mom asked. 
     

  ¨I just don't.¨ 
       

¨You can't wait forever for some boy Nori. You got a good thing going on with Harry.¨ 
     

  ¨Yeah I guess. Mom..have you ever loved someone so much that it hurts?¨ 
     

  ¨Of course. Even after twenty years together I still love your dad just as much as I did when we were younger.¨ 
       

¨Was he your first love?¨ 
     

  ¨First and only love. Nori whoever this Niall boy is, I promise you can find someone better.¨ 
       

¨And what if I can't?¨ 
       

¨But you will and you can only if you want too.¨ 
My mom did have point but I didn't want anyone else but Niall. I wanted so badly to be with him but I couldn't. So I had Harry. Even though I really didn't even want him. 
     

  ¨Honey why are you with Harry when you want that other boy?¨ 
     

  ¨I don't know. I guess because everyone at school expects us to be together.¨ 
       

¨That's not fair to Harry if you want to be with someone else.¨ 
     

  ¨You don't get it mom. It's my reputation. I have to keep that up.¨ 
   

    ¨Honey what does your heart want?¨ 
       

¨Niall. It wants Niall¨ 
       

¨Then be honest with your heart and follow it.¨ 
     

  ¨I've tried that.¨ 
     

  ¨Then try again. Try until you can't try anymore.¨
She was right. I needed to try harder for Niall. I needed him to know how I really felt about him. Maybe if he really knew then I could change his mind. 
     

  ¨You're right mom. It's not fair to Harry when I'm in love with someone else. I need to listen to my heart and keep trying for Niall. I love him. I really love him.¨