(Chapter 24) Will You...

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(A/N: Hey everyone, I hope you enjoy this chapter! And I will try not to leave you on a cliffhanger or cut off the good parts, lol! Mentions of self-harm, you can probably tell this will get quite personal, but I think it is beneficial. )

It had almost been two years that you and your beloved Alcina decided to be a little more than just Mistress and Maiden.

You had truly devoted your whole life to your mistress; you owed her everything. 

"No, no, no, not again", you whisper, your head in your hands curling up in a ball, the thoughts were coming back, and they were angry.

"Alcina", you repeat, trying to get your emotions under control, your body tense and quivering, your head pounding with memories and the voices, 

"Stop please", you cry, pounding your head with your fist, 

"I need to stay strong for Alcina; I love her; I don't want to leave her. Please stop" you feel your fists go numb and your eyes streaming with tears, putting your fingertips under your nose to see blood, 

"Shit shit, why Y/N why" you sob, the voices screaming as you wipe away all liquid from your face, your heart racing and the emotions were bubbling over bord, everything you had pushed down deep was all were resurfacing from their dormant state. 

Reasons to why this was happening were unknown, almost as tho someone had just flipped a switch to your whole emotion tank and just let it loose, 

"She deserves better", you stumble, placing your head on the wall; before you could think, you started bashing your head and hands on the plaster, blood dripping from your nose and knuckles onto the wooden floor.

The door opened, your mistress walks in looking worried to see you in your state, and her eyes flare; she runs to you, placing her hand on your forehead, you stop you from banging your head.

"Sweetheart", she coos, taking you in her arms, kissing you all over; she sites herself down on an armchair, your eyes just filling with tears. 

You feel safe in your beloved's arms, the world seems to stop spinning and filled with your mistress sent,  your blood dripping onto your darlings dress, but she doesn't bat an eyelid,

"I'm so sorry", you repeat, looking up to see Alcinas face calm and worried, 

"darling, your going to make yourself ill; take a breath with me," she says, taking both your hands in hers; 

"In for three," she says, taking a slow breath; you try and copy her movements. 

"Out for three," taking a deep breath out, the stream of tears stopped, you continued the breathing exercise with the directions from your beloved; 

"that's it, draga mea", she praised, kissing your forehead, leading her thumb over your knuckles before looking into your eyes,

"Shall we get you cleaned up" she smiles, squeezing your hand as she whipped any tears off your face. 

She walked to your bathroom; she placed you on the counter before going into her cabinet, taking out a few plasters and rubbing alcohol; the only thing you could get out was muffled apologies and sniffles. 

"I'm sorry, my darling, this will sting", taking the bottle and dabbing its contents onto a small towel, letting you take her hand as she patted it on your head and fists, squinting at the pain you jerk backwards, a kiss placed back after the towel,

"Now, angel, what happened," she said with a sweet voice as she placed a plaster on your wounds. 

"I- just had some bad thoughts, and it just escalated to well- that", you mutter in shame, 

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