Caffeine Withdrawals: An Unspoken Collaboration

The Talented

Some scars are beautiful

Trace the outline with your thumb

And it feels like music

It's the favorite novel curdling your blood

And singing softly into the dark

But place your palm over mine

And feel the ragged bumps

The ugly tone

The crooked tempo

My scars are not beautiful

They aren't a portrait of a night sky

Or a lullaby to catch your dreams

They're scars

And that's all they'll ever be

I was handed a smile even if my wrists were bleeding

You taught me how to stick my fingers down my throat until my knuckles were bloody

You showed me the best places to hide my razors

So no one would ever know

So they wouldn't see your black eyes

and your brittle hair

You gave me a book of knots

And the noose was bookmarked

I found an empty gun in the sewer

And you bought fresh bullets to paint my brain

Against the walls of your apathy

I don't know where these scars came from

I closed my eyes for a second

And lightning flashed as I looked down

with blood dressing my wrists

I don't know where these scars came from

My skin is soft and tan

And now it's annoyed

Then it's furious

But now it's out of control

And I can't see anything but these scars

Where did they come from?

Drowning in a secret

you bleed for attention.

Any other plea was swallowed inside the nothing

and no one heard your screams.

No one saw

you clawing at the insides of your skull

shrieking

mad

for

help.

And I need you to know

Never look down like this

There's a spotlight in your heart

You have to realize what you were made for

There's a dance in my step when you smile

And the air is spinning

Don't look down

I need you to know

I need you to see

You're needed here

You're wanted here

And this isn't what you deserve

"My hands are folded neatly in my lap, and an innocent, small smile was withering away. The cuts were hidden under my sleeves, the blood had been wiped with a rag, and I was normal. I was a kid blending in, a mirage bleeding in my seat. No one looked at me, and I didn't look at them. I could pull my sleeves up to my elbows and they wouldn't notice. I could sit at the front of the room with a knife, burning the gashes into my skin like a self portrait of my mind and they would only scratch notes into their books. I'm a painting on the wall; the poster forgotten in the back of the room. With gashes on my arms and blood dripping down my wrist, I guess that's okay. Like I said, I don't like it when they look at me. When they look at me, they see me. And that's something we can't let happen, now can we?"

-Me

I don't know how to breathe.

All that comes out is this wretched scream

I can't look at you like this

I can't stand to hear your sobs slice the night and whip me in the back

I can't take no for an answer

Their tears are moistening their pillows but your sadness is all that I care for

Your smile makes me put the pills away

Your laugh makes me leave the knives in the drawer

Your voice makes me pack the rope in the closet

I can't look at you like this

One night of it and already the slices in my skin are deeper

The stains in my sheets are back

And the bruises resurface my flesh and I'm sitting over the toilet

I can't look at you like this

I found a way

to despise who i've become

even at my best

And love myself

even at my worst

I found a way

to release the pain

Even without a razor

to not feel the shame

Even with food inside

I found a way

to live

I found a way

to survive

If you take a deep breath

And look at this bleeding mirage I've come to be

You might just see I have a whole world waiting

Waiting to love you

Waiting to cherish you

Waiting to believe in you

But most of all

Waiting to show you that I can be everything you need.