Caffeine Withdrawals: An Unspoken Collaboration

The Girl Who Screamed at Clouds

When She Broke Down

She didn't know quite what was wrong 

The untuned note tainting the song 

She didn't know what it was there, 

Poisoning the heavy air,

She didn't know what to do, 

What to say, who to go to, 

She had to struggle on in life 

Bottle up the grief and strife

Today she went out with her friends, 

The guy returned a smile, 

Today she found a happy song, 

Ran down the hill,  

Spread her wings, 

Raised her voice,  

Began to sing,

But then, when she saw the kitchen light the tears were twice as strong.

She found the truth out bit by bit, 

By text and through the phone 

She couldn't tell her dad or mum 

How much she felt alone,

She had to just keep going, 

Twisting feet on stones 

Confiding in her one true friend 

About the broken bones

Today she died her hair red, 

Watched movies with the girls 

Went out to a theme park 

Took a risk 

Found her smile 

Screamed and laughed 

Forgot her troubles for a while

But when they all left to go home  

Round and round her solemn mind the emptiness all swirled.

She had to craft a happy face, 

And wear it day by day 

She made her artificial highs 

And dreamed to run away

She didn't know though, everyone 

Saw the mask slip and fade 

And all her pretences dissolve 

As she grew thin and pale

Today she told the therapist 

Her dreams and fears and pain 

Emptied out her consciousness 

And spilled the bottle down the drain

She didn't tell her parents 

That she was getting help 

And they dumped all their pain on her 

Not knowing how she felt.

That night she bit the pillowcase 

And promised not to scream 

Scratched out her arms and pulled her hair 

'Till the release of dreams

She cried her troubles, wrote her pain 

Upon a crumpled note 

Which she then took and burned away 

Inhaling the vile smoke.

Today she took another walk 

Her music loud and free 

She raised her arms above her head 

Stared at the city through the trees 

Allowed herself to slowly breathe; 

How poisoned she had been!

The blisters on her fingers 

Showed how hard she had tried 

To force away the growing pain 

Through numbing exercise

She stopped trying to fill the void 

With food; skipped breakfast, lunch 

Soon becoming far too weak,  

But still would bear the brunt

None of it was her fault, 

Her anger couldn't vent 

And no one understood, really 

What all her mood swings meant

/screaming silently 

crying noiselessly 

harming inwardly 

suffering needlessly/

Her therapist called them 

They tried to defend her 

But her mother; (the sinner) 

Was at the end of her tether

She didn't want to do homework, 

Eat, sleep or shower, 

Just do lots of pointless things 

Whilst the world crumbled round her

Her mum shouted and blackmailed; 

She tried to ignore her 

And in the end gave up 

And just cried in the shower

She wrote lots of poems 

Stared hard at the razor 

Sobbed into her towel 

Then sat blazing with anger

Nothing was working 

Would it ever get better? 

Would everybody keep leaving 

Until nothing was left of her

She put the blade to her skin, 

Then said, no, not tonight. 

Crawled into her bed 

And gave up the fight.

She'd not done her homework 

She was twice late for school 

But what did it matter, 

When she didn't care at all

All she really wanted  

At the end of the day 

Was for someone to kiss her 

And the pain go away.