The Warriors

Chapter Nine

CHAPTER NINE

I feel dead inside.  I feel like my heart is broken.  I think the part of my heart that cared about my looks, feelings, and love is gone, wrecked into tiny little pieces, and is now on the bottom of my stomach.  The part of me that wants to give up, is strong, but the part of me that is the Warrior says that I shouldn't give up on life over a boy.  I should suck up the hurt, put it away for a little while, and show people that I am fine.  Show them that I am strong, and it's going to take a lot more than a broken heart to get me down.  I follow that part of me, and it's like I am living on adrenaline.

                I don't really want to wear a dress today, but I still want to look fabulous.  So I pick out some skinny jeans that are grey and faded so that they are close to white.  I then get a white tank top and put a pink silky oversized shirt with ruffles on top, and tie a white belt around my waist.  I pick out some nude colored felt high heels, and put some pearls on.  Pearls are a girl's best friend, along with diamonds.  They always make me feel better, but this time, my heart doesn't race as usual when I tie them around my neck.  Leaving my hair down in a wavy mass, I put some pretty earrings on along with a pale pastel colored charm bracelet.  I feel pretty, and that sort of lifts my spirit from the little hole it is hiding in.

                I feel nothing as I drive to school, along with Larry and Lisa.  They are trying to hold a conversation with me, but I just say the bare minimum.  I'm proud of myself for not bursting into tears when I see Shang talking with his fiancée.  I say hi to him civilly, then to the rest of the group.  Laura is looking at me pityingly, but I don't want to listen to whatever she is going to say, so I just leave as soon as she walks over to me. 

                Now I understand what Bella felt like when Edward left her in New Moon.  I always thought she was a wimp for giving up like she did, but when your heart feels like someone just pounded away at it, without caring about you, all you want to do is curl up and cry.  Granted she was a wimp for not doing anything else, but you can't blame her for feeling that way. 

I wonder if he feels the way I do.  I wonder if he actually loved me.  It sure sounded like he was going to say so, but he caught himself in time, so maybe he wasn't THAT in love with me, just enough to get over in a night.  I couldn't stand seeing him laughing along with her.  I couldn't stand the way he didn't even look at me when I got out of my car.  It's like I don't exist anymore to him. 

          I listen to Lady Gaga during lunch, in the back of the library.  It is totally quiet in the library and the librarian is away at lunch, entrusting me in her locked haven.  This time, when I listen to Bad Romance, my spirits lift even more.  I can feel her music coursing through my veins, making me feel like a brand new person.  Goosebumps cover my arms and my body feels different.  Silently I thank Lady Gaga for helping me out, without knowing she did something for me that no one else could.  I'm not going to let my broken heart stop me from living my life.  I am not going to be Bella, I am going to be Jane, and I don't need a boy to help me have fun.  I've lived without a boy for this long, what's another five years?

            Granted, I still am mad at Shang, so I don't talk to him in class, when I sit down in my seat.  His fiancée is in the class, counted as a foreign exchange student.  I don't look at either of them, even when she starts whispering something to him in the middle of the class, and she looks at me, then starts giggling.  I tell myself she is being immature, but some part of me, the part that cares what people say about me, hackles up.  I feel like a wolf that is being challenged with that giggle of hers. 

            If we weren't in the middle of class, I would challenge her to a fight, and not because of Shang, because that would be immature, but because she is insulting me.  I'm a princess, and she's nothing more than a commoner. 

            I look straight into her laughing eyes and coldly gaze at her.  "I suggest you get some respect commoner," I say, my stare freezing her in place.  Her eyes widen and she stumbles, "Sorry, my princess," then turns to the front of her seat.  I dare not look at Shang, so I too face the front.

            I'm eating dinner across from my father.  My sister and Larry are sitting on either sides of me.  "We have been invited to a welcoming party held by the Samurais," my father says, after taking a bit of garlic bread.  "You denied, right?" I ask, looking up from my food, I had been playing with it, so that it looked like a face. 

            The silence that follows my question, sounds bad.  "You didn't deny?" Lisa gasps, knowing that if we went to this party, one of us would surely get hurt.  "They said they wanted to talk politics, and something with treaties," he says.  I roll my eyes, knowing this was how most assassination plots were planned.  "Father, we cant go to this party.  Someone could get hurt," I say, calmly.  "You guys aren't going, just me," he declares after a while.  "You are not going into the enemies lair alone," I sigh, putting my fork down.  "I wont go alone.  There are plenty of Warriors, offering to go with me."  "No matter, I am going with you.  I will not allow my father, the man most of our race looks up to with hope, go to a place that is evil as that.  It is suicide!" I exclaim, working up power behind me.  "It is too late, I already accepted the invitation," he sighs, then takes a sip of his wine.  "Then I am going with you."