Page 4: I believe in love.
Paolo said I am Philophobic. But I am sure I'm not. I am a hopeless romantic but I covered it so well others could not see that I craved for love that stays a lifetime.
Despite of my parents failed marriage, I still hope for love. I still believe in love but I am too afraid, too frightened of the pulsating of beat and the emotion that runs from the tip of the fingers and to the ends of my hair. Emotion is exhausting and love demands for it. Despite of how precious I see love, the fear stays in my heart.
But I believe in it because if not, why am I so afraid?
Maybe that was the reason why I chose to stay in an understanding that does not ask for label. I hate commitment because it requires emotional investment. Maybe I too, believe in love but is scared of it.
But who am I kidding? I am in fact a huge fan of love, I saw how it conquered sorrow, joy and even death. I saw how it saved my father, I saw love in mother's eyes whenever she looks at my Dad, even in days he refused to be seen. Love is not a mere emotion but a word that birthed another word "selfless". It is giving all that what's in you without asking for return and love is also knowing that you are worth it.
I am certain that what I am feeling for Tiana is in a degree of likeness but I don't mind falling in love with her. She's worth it. I remembered how she talks about literature with so much passion, her eyes twinkles whenever she shares how well was Pablo Neruda, it is not hard to tell that her favorite poet is Neruda, she also knows a lot about basketball, wala naman sa personality niya yun. It amazed me, how her brain works and how unpredictable she could get. The first moment we were talking about sports, the next second she's talking about the Tudors and then she's discussing politics. Rare are women who speak about issues that are often disregarded by everyone. My stupid self couldn't do anything but admire her. Hindi ko nga na impress yun. I think? Too bad Pao's practice ended so fast she had to go home. Too bad, I was having the confidence to ask her for breakfast.
"Dude, you're torpe." Nico said flatly. He's trying his best not to laugh. I am the nicest sa aming tatlo pero pikon din naman ako at malapit na akong mapikon kay Nico. He says I am torpe in every minute.
"So you're saying that you have a crush on Tatiana?" Arson asked eating the apple served to us by manang. Malapit na rin akong mapikon sa kanya kasi ulit-ulit na kami dito.
"Do you want me to repeat everything again?" I sarcastically ask and they both laugh. Mga gago!
"Torpe nga man!" Nico said at tumawa na naman sila. Wow. Happy?
"Torpe nga!"
"Do you want punch or kick?" Of course kung mananakit ka mamigay ka ng choices.
Their shoulders are shaking. Tawang-tawa.
"You remembered ba dati how you talked so big about dating women? 'Pare, when you like a woman tell her immediately. Waste no time man.' Nico imitated how I said the exact words years ago. "Wala ka pala ngayon pre! You can't even formulate proper conversation with her."
Arson nodded. I wish I could trade friends.
"Shut up Nico! I don't know what happened I just choked."
"Sa ating tatlo it is you who had a lot of dating experience. You have different fling every month." Well. Okay fine. Guilty. But I am just choosing the best for me. Deserve ko naman siguro yun? I am a good friend, and a good son and to look for a good woman is not a taboo. Tsaka our parting ways we're mutual. Kaya nga I only date women who are not interested into long term relationships at least clear na hindi kami magtatagal.
"But man that woman was Tiana. She's I dunno puta ang cliche nito pero she's different."
"Hindi naman." Nico inserted and I I glared at him. "Nagiging different lang naman ang mga babae sa paningin natin kung gusto natin sila. If not, they're the same woman. Brave,and problematic in their own."
...
Tiana's.
"Naols nakausap si Crush." Inggit na inggit na sabi sakin ni Paolo kinabukasan. Nakasimangot pa rin siya at nakangiti naman ako. Ang sarap magising na masaya.
"Saya niyo ah." Bitter na sabi ulit ni Pao and I want to laugh kasi kulang na lang umikot ang eyes niya.
"Bestie!!!! Para akong nalunod at niligtas dahil sa conversation namin ni Rome."
"Edi sana halls! China oil, sana all, hope all, lahat na lang. Edi ikaw na mahal ng diyos." Sasagot na sana ako when a group of people entered cafeteria. Oh, the theater people.
"Bestie, dito si Ian tawagin ko? Usap kayo para di ka na mainggit."
"Subukan mo ihahalo kita sa halo-halo."
Tss. Nainggit daw pero binibigyan na nga ng opportunity lumandi aayaw naman.
"Arte. Tinutulungan ka na nga ayaw pa. Usap lang kayo, usap as magkakilala ganoin!"
"Gaga di ako kilala nun!" He replied and look at Ian who is also looking at him. Mum I could see hearts and stars.
"Di ka sure bakla."
"Wag mo'kong paasahin gaga." Pero hindi ko siya pinapaasa. It's not on my vocabulary. I state what I observed.
"Hindi naman. Kilala mo ako, hindi ako nagbibitaw ng salita without basis. I only state what I saw." Sabi ko and I swear I could see sparks in Pao's eyes.
Sasagot na sana si Pao nung nagsalita ang isang member ng theater club.
"Uhm she, he or they can you spare your time for us?"
Natahimik naman kaming lahat sa caf. I even opened my notebook to take notes sa eksena nila. Pwedeng gawan to ng article.
"Our friend here Ian lost our bet." Napatingin kaming lahat kay Ian. No wonder crush na crush to ng bakla. Deserve naman talaga. Ang pogi, bait pa. Ian looks scared, hindi mapinta ang mukha niya at parang gusto niyang tumakbo pero wala siyang choice. In the crowd I saw the Trio, huffing, mukhang kararating lang nila. There's a playful smirk in Rome's face, tapos natatawa naman si Nicolaus while nagvivideo. Arson on the other hand covered his face as if he's expecting this to happen at nakakahiya ang result.
"So guys I was dared to uhm sing for my crush. Uhm.. please bear with me." Red is visible in Ian's cheeks, his ears are pink and he is trying his best to regain his composure. His eyes also look aroud as if he is looking for someone and it stop to Paolo who shyly avoided the eye contact.
Sinundot ko ang tagiliran ni Pao and he glared at me.
Pao is also blushing and he's doing his best to keep his cool.
Hindi ako tanga. I know how this dare will end and I am happy for Pao. Deserve niya to. Deserve nilang dalawa ito.
Love is beautiful, it knows no one but is felt by everyone.
BINABASA MO ANG
Diary And Unsent Letters
Fanfic"Can there be anything more absurd than this: to be moved by a wish that has no conceivable object" - Amadeu Prado said that. And I remembered Rome. He is a wish. My wish upon meteors and shooting stars. Now, it has come to me. He became Amadeu Prad...
