(Un)Lost

PLAY IT COOL

Sunday's normally my favorite day of the week because I normally have absolutely nothing planned,  which after a week of working intensively is really nice. But this Sunday... oh this Sunday is my least favorite day of week. And yeah, it's as dumb and simple as it sucks because I can't see Han. I can barely even talk to him. He messaged me really early in the morning when they were heading to practice, but I haven't heard from him since and it's almost 10pm now. I woke up way too early for my own liking so I started the day by going to the gym. I've become so used to going to the gym late in the evening I've forgot how much I enjoyed being there early. There's a lot less people and afterwards I feel so energized. On my way home, I got Starbucks for me and Em. It's our tradition. If one of us wakes up first and goes out, that person has to bring home Starbucks. It's just how it is. When I get home, Emma's cleaning the kitchen. I just laugh.

"I'd ask why but I know." I say and she rolls her eyes.

"I was bored alright? I thought about baking something first but the kitchen was too messy."

"I got Starbucks" I say and dangle the bag in front of her. She smiles.

"Inside or outside?"

I hesitate. I'd love to sit outside because I love eating breakfast outside. But... I know she's gonna want to hear about Han. And while Han is a common surname in Korea, if we mention the rest of the members it'd be easy for anyone who knows who they are to figure it out.

"Inside" I say. She nods and I think she understands why. We go to sit down on the couch and I take out my breakfast from the bag and hand her the rest.

"So, how's things with Han?" She says and I laugh.

"Wow, straight to it huh?"

"Well what's the point of beating around the bush?" She says. "I know that's what you want to talk about and that's also what I want to hear about."

"Are you sure?" I ask. I know she doesn't want to talk about what happened with Jaebum yet but I'm also not sure if she's really ready to hear about me and Han. She just nods.

"It's okay! I'd rather think about your love life than my own situation."

"Alright! Well, uh." I pause. "Felix knows. So that's three out of seven so far. It's not great. Felix kind of figured it out by himself which scares me. I know Chan is suspicious and it feels like he's gonna figure it out any day now."

"Ah..." she pauses. "When are you seeing Han next?"

I shrug. "I don't really know. Maybe sometime next week but he doesn't really know yet. His schedule is pretty packed." And to be fair, so is mine. But not as bad as his.

"I see. Do you think you're close to telling Bang Chan?"

I shake my head. "No, I doubt it. I mean yeah we've kind of admitted that we like each other. But not more than that. And I don't think it's time to tell him yet. But... I don't know. Maybe we have to soon."

She just stares at me. "I had no idea that you'd actually both said that you like each other. That's a big step."

"Maybe, yeah."

She looks at me with a sullen look on her face. "How long did it take Jinyoung to-"

I cut her off. "Let's not."

She sighs. "Okay but it took way longer!"

I nod. "Yeah but Han's not.... Him."

"Yeah, I know. Sorry for bringing it up."

"It's okay!" I say. "It's not like I can just erase him completely. I hate what happened but in some way I'm actually thankful for the experience. And... I know it could've been different. In many ways."