Talk To Me

52. Hard to breathe

'I never minded Uncle Frank's fondness for Kind or the way his parents welcomed me, but every time they made him happy in ways I couldn't, it got to me. I could accept it... but then high school came, and I started noticing how everyone flocked to him.

It drove me mad. I wanted to pull him away from everyone, to claim him as mine alone. But I stayed quiet. Kind just had this magnetic pull, and who was I to come between him and the people he charmed so easily? I tried to keep my distance, but he kept introducing me to his friends. Didn't he understand? I didn't need anyone else. I only wanted him.

That's when it began... this relentless need to have him all to myself.

With each new friend he made, I felt this growing anxiety, like he'd slip through my fingers. But then his friends became my friends, too. I found myself drawn into his world, as if if he trusted them, then I could trust them to not take him from me.

College only made him more popular. My insecurities kept me on edge, so I dated a string of people just to get his attention. But instead of noticing me, he avoided me even more.

By the time we hit mid college, I'd broken more hearts than I could count, but with every relationship, my thoughts were all on him. Who was he with? Who was trying to replace me in his life? I needed him to crave me just as much.

So I told Frank to keep tabs on him. But Kind found out. He got furious, and I had to promise never to do it again. I kept that promise, only because I didn't need anyone else to keep an eye on him. I'd do it myself. Same major, same classes. I was going to make sure he couldn't escape.

Only, he did.

College only continued to expand his circle. But this time, I handled it differently. I made it clear: anyone wanting to be close to Kind would have to pass through me first. My obsession with him cost me three relationships within the first year, but how could they understand? Kind was everything. He was my anchor, my reason to want to live. When Cherry confessed his feelings, I thought, here's my chance. He'd never dated anyone I knew, so why would he start now?

It was my biggest mistake, pushing him toward someone else. He was mine all along, but I couldn't see it. Every time he drifted toward other people, I burned with jealousy. I wanted him all to myself, but he just kept drawing in more and more people.

There were times I almost demanded to know who he was with, but he insisted I respect his privacy. And I did, because I'd do anything for him, just to stay close. I'd have kept dating Cherry if he asked, I'd have done anything to keep him from slipping away.

All I wanted was for him to need me as much as I needed him.

Eventually, I accepted that Kind would always be adored by others. But I'd be the one who adored him most. The night his friends called me to pick him up, I was angry that he only needed me in moments like that. But when he confessed his feelings, even in his drunken state, I knew he'd never leave me.

From that moment on, he was mine.

Every time he looked at me, I'd hold my breath, waiting for him to say it while sober. I watched him, refusing to let him drift away again. I'd made him promise he'd never leave me, and I knew he'd be bound by it.

He hurt me though, with the way I'd disappeared for two weeks and think he would notice... It still hurts. I could sense his absence in seconds. Even so, how can I begrudge him, especially after Todo brought him back to me.

It is unfortunate I'd realized my feelings a little too late, but my desire for him grew deeper every day. I'd punish him for hiding his feelings, for pushing me towards Cherry. Why hadn't he just kept me all along? Why insist I marry Cherry when he loved me?

I was done pretending.

Still, he is apprehensive of my decisions. If it means giving up Kai to be with him, I'd do it without hesitation. Kai would always be in my life in some way, but Kind came first. I'd give her up to her grandparents if it meant keeping him by my side.'

"Bunny, it's me."

"Obviously, dummy. I have your number."

"When are you coming back? I need you here. I haven't done anything since you left..."

"Eh! I thought this was a serious call. I'm at work Wale."

"I mean it, Bunny. It's been five days, and you said it would only be two days before you return when we met last time."

"Couldn't you have just texted?"

"You haven't answered any of my messages since you left."

"Don't call me unless it's about Kai Wale. I'm at work. I already informed you Todo's mother is strict whenever it comes to phone etiquette while working."

"Kai is asleep," Wale ignored. "The nanny has her I'm in our room... I miss you K."

"I'm hanging up..."

"I... I've made my decision about Kai," Wale finally admitted, afraid of what Kind would say. "I'm giving her up."

"Are you out of your mind? You'd give her to Cherry? To them? They left! How stupid are you, Wale?"Kind had long forgotten he was at work and raised his voice. Wale couldn't blame him at all. Even so, she meant what she said. 

'I needed him in my life, and I'd give up my dream of being a mother if it meant he'd stay.'

"Wale...are you crying?"

Wale hadn't realized I was. Only then did she feel the tears streaming down her cheeks, the tightness in her throat, and the agony from fear of loosing everything she'd wished dearly to posses. 'I'd never wanted him to hear me like this.'

"Wale..."

Kind kept calling Wale's name, trying to pull her back, and Wale wanted to say she was fine as she often did, but the truth was, she wasn't. She could barely breathe. Just knowing Kind was there was the only thing keeping her from breaking down completely.

"I'm coming...just hold on, Wale."

"Don't hang up..." Wale wanted to say, but her voice barely came out.

"What? Wale...? Todo's driving us over. Stay on the line please, okay?"

This was the first time she'd let Kind see her like this, vulnerable. 'I just needed to hear his voice. His quiet strength kept me grounded, giving me hope. And if he still refused to date me, I'd do whatever it took to keep him close.'

Wale's phone still pressed to her ear minutes later, she glanced at her reflection and laughed. Kind had previously told her on their last encounter to wear the bunny ears every night until he returned. It had been five days, but she had still kept doing it like an obedient child, patiently waiting. 

"...why aren't you here yet...K?"

"I'm here...open the door."