When you accidentally get adopted by an assassin (Whoops?)

So... I may have gotten aggressively poked with a knife?

Peter: Ned!!I was aggressively poked with a knife!!

Ned

Ned

neeedddd i need ur halllpp

???: 1) I'm not ned

2) WHAT THE F&%K [A/N: There shall be no swearing in my good Christian Minecraft server!], go to the hospital?!!!

Peter: -_- dude this isn't funny, I'm actually in pain

???: I'm??? Not??? Joking???

???: Also, how are u even conscious after being stabbed?

Peter: ಠ_ಠ

...

Fine, if ur not ned, what do u think of star wars?

???: What is this, an interrogation?  

Peter: if ur rly not ned, then answer the question.

???: meh, it's okay. A little overhyped tho.

Peter: （〇_ｏ ） u rly arent ned!

sry bout that. I dripped a bit of blood on the paper. must've gotten the # wrong.

???: 1) duh, I keep telling you that

2)How tf are you so calm???

Peter: I mean, walking in queens late @ night isn't the best move, I must concur.

???: -_- obviously

Peter: So.... Ms/Mr/Mx notned, can u help? I'm sorta bleeding a lot here.

???: It's ms, kid, and

 I think I can.

First, sterilize the wound, then wrap it up *continues to explain because as much as the author wishes, they are not a substitute for a doctor, and if you are ever aggressively poked with a knife, you should go to a hospital*

... Hello?

...

Did you die?

Peter: Wow! Thanks, that really helped ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ! and no, I'm pretty sure I'm alive :)

???: Smartass

Peter:... Wait.... how do u know how 2 do that off the top of ur head? 

???: This stuff happens a lot in my job.

Now, how did u end up with a stab wound at 3am?

Peter: hahahaha gee! look at the time! I have school in the morning! ttyl!!

???: Don't avoid the question.

hello?

wait, you can't go to school right after BEING STABBED!

aaaand, he's gone 

>:(

-This timeskip is brought to you by RAID SHADOW LEGENDS-

Natasha would usually never admit this, but she was worried about the kid (She had deduced he was a kid based on the fact he said he had school), and, though she wouldn't admit it in a thousand years when her phone went off with a text, she dove for it to see if the kid had responded.

Peter: (◔ᴥ◔)

morning.

just got 2 school :3

???: >:/ I have a theory you have no self-preservation skills due to the fact you're a school right AFTER BEING STABBED

Peter: I have great self-preservation skills thank u v much! the stab wound wasn't that bad!

???: See, the words 'Stab wound' and 'not that bad' usually don't go in the same sentence of people who have any self-preservation.

Peter: ... so what's ur fav color?

Yes, change the subject Peter thought as he saw the three little bubbles in the corner of his cracked phone.

???: ur changing the subject.

Peter: Am I?

Yes. Yes I am.

???: -_-

... it's red.

Peter: Cool! Me too! I mean, it's tied w/ blue, but it's 1 of my fav colors :D

So... are u a spy? Or a pedo??? honestly, w/ my luck, i prob texted a pedo.

Inside, Peter wanted to slam his head against the wall. That was the first thing he thought of?? Accusing Ms.NotNed of being a pedo??  

???: No, I'm not a pedo kid.

Peter: But u called me 'kid' >:/. I am 15 fank u v much.

???: Yet you just told me ur age kid. only adding to my theory

Peter: WAIT<ONFDOJ 

YOU DIDNT DENY THAT UR A SPY

???: Kid... I'm not a spy.

Peter: mhm... ill say ill believe u....

*???'s name changed to Kim Possibly*

Kim Possibly: Really?

Peter: gtg! teach getting suspicious :)

Kim Possibly: Wait why are you in school??? 

Natasha shook her head with a fond smile tugging at the corners of her lips. This kid.

[A/N thanks for reading! also, nat isn't trying to be an ass, I swear. also! Hope yall enjoy this :DDD]