Brooklyn Baby - H.S

Part Thirty Two

warning// selfharm, flashbacks, blood, knives, suicidal thoughts, abuse

I look back at Harry in the van as I get to the doors of my apartment building, he looks worried and sad, I'm not sure if he's sad because I'm leaving or if he feels guilty because theirs guilt written all over his face, I don't want him to blame himself for this job, I blame James and I will blame James over Harry any day.

I give him a small smile of reassurance, waving to him before walking into my apartment complex, I close the door slowly before making the walk up the stairs, I haven't been to my own apartment in what feels like forever.

I spend most my time with Harry now and at his apartment, I completely forgot I ever owned one at this point, you could say that me and Harry basically live together at this point.

Which makes me feel ever worse for leaving him to go home alone tonight, I needed to be on my own though, I keep having flashes of those memorise and I don't want him to see me when I get in a state like I think I might do.

I get to my floor and look up at my door which I directly in front of me, I take in a deep breath and grab hold of my keys in my pocket and drag them out slowly placing them into the lock.

"You're worthless!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to"

I squeeze my eyes shut as the voices in my head start to scream at me, but it's not just anyone voice it's my own and my dad's.

I quickly push open my door looking into my dark apartment, I flick on the lights and immediately everything starts coming back to me about that night 6 years ago.

You piece of shit!" my dad spits at me slurring, he storms over towards me slapping my face harshly, this was the first time he had hit me which strikes tears to start spilling out of my eyes, as I choke out "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to" I cry out holding my cheek.

"I told you, straight home but of course not because you're a stupid little slut, what would your mother think?" he says pushing my shoulders, I cry out louder closing my eyes hoping it was all a dream "why are you bringing mom into this?" I sniffle.

He chuckles "she would be disgusted with you, knowing her only child is a dirty whore, who sleeps around" he says grabbing onto the top of my arms and pushing me against the wall, I look up at my father with pure fear in my eyes not knowing what was coming next.

I cry harder not being able to stop the tears from asguarding my eyes "you will never find anyone that'll treat with respect if you sleep around, hell you will never find anyone that'll love you, you are a worthless piece of shit and you need to remember that" he shouts, his voice booming through my head.

I'm usually used to the abuse but today is different, today was violent, he's never lay a hand on me until now and I'm worried for my safety at this point, I think today is the day I may die.

As long as I'm away from this monster, dying doesn't seem too bad.

"I didn't do anything wrong" I sniffle, now just feeling angry, this man who I call my father, my dad, my guardian is treating me like I'm the scum of the earth.

Maybe he's right, I probably won't find anyone to love me, I am worthless, I will never find anyone to fix me when I'm already so broken.

He laughs in my face "you think sleeping around isn't anything wrong? You come in here happier then ever LATE back from school, when I told you to come straight home, and you expect me too not be like this with you? You need to get your priorities straight; I make the rules around here and not you" he shouts on inches away from my face.