Love is like this; not a heartbeat, but a moan

1

(A/N: I'm posting some of my older fics that I don't like as much. So that's what this is.)

"Ready?"

Louis looks up sharply upon Harry stepping out onto the porch with an expensive YSL duffel bag hanging off his shoulder. His face is impassive yet Louis would be a fool not to see that he's nervous, his shoulders tense. He's holding his breath.

"Mhm, just gotta grab my bag," Louis mumbles, attempting the cool demeanor he has been sporting for years now. Even after eons of practice with feigning apathy he still feels as if Harry can see right through it. Harry is very perceptive, and at times like this, when Louis' guard is down, it's harder than ever to keep the mask on.

As Louis begins to stand up and go inside to gather the belongings he packed earlier in the day, he finds his hands already shaking. His heat won't be for a few hours now, but he can still feel the build-up and everything that leads up to the shaking desperate despicable mess he'll soon be. Louis resents the way his skin already feels hypersensitive, like a simple touch will set him spiraling into his heat. On top of it all his stomach is churning and his eyelids are heavy. A nap would be nice right now, but there's something he wants more than sleep...

Harry immediately notices Louis standing up from where he was curled on the bench on the porch. He halts Louis with the firm, mandating lift of his arm, telling him to sit back down, telling him he'll get Louis' bags.

Louis huffs, a bit peeved because Harry is already treating him like he can't do anything for himself. Well, in reality Louis isn't exactly pissed at Harry in particular... just the situation in general. His nature. His biology. Who he is, and where he fits into society. What his role is as an omega.

Harry returns quickly. He's carrying two bags now, his own and Louis', and he does it with ease like the big strong alpha he is (sarcasm). Louis stands up and stretches out, meeting Harry down the stairs to the porch. He had lost feeling in his legs from sitting still for so long.

Together and in ultimate silence they walk to Harry's car which is parked on the street. Louis falls a step or two behind Harry as they walk, in the way he always does when he's walking with superiors. He resents it but can't help it; it's just a thing he does that he cannot change, not even as hard as he tries. He used to blame it on nature or social etiquette and all that, but honestly it's just habit now. He does it without even thinking about it, and it's what's expected of him so no one ever notices anyways.

When they get to the car Harry sets the bags in the trunk and shuts it closed as Louis slides in the front seat. A small moment of uncomfortably awkward silence resides in the space between the time Harry closes the door and turns the key in the ignition. As soon as the car is on the silence is startled away, and Louis feels slightly less uncomfortable. Slightly being the key word.

As a defense mechanism or even just a way of deflecting attention from himself Louis pulls his knees to his chest and rests his head on the window.

He wishes to God he could be different. Different as in this: not an omega. Not expected to submit. Not expected to keep quiet and pliant.

"Feeling okay?"

For an alpha, Harry is unusually kind and empathetic. It must be because of his mum, Louis thinks, and Gemma. They're both O's. Maybe that's why Harry is different and nonconformist... he has seen the suffer.

Louis tilts his head sharply and gets a painful crick in his neck before he decides to rest against the window again. "Yeah, just tired." The second part isn't a lie.

"Sleep now," Harry says softly, as he turns out of the neighborhood and onto the main road. Louis is really close to scoffing even though Harry doesn't say the words like an order, just like a suggestion. It's just that most of the time when A's speak to Louis, it sounds like they're giving him permission to do something he doesn't need permission to do. Whatever.

Of all the A's in Louis' life, Harry has always been the least alpha-like, not just physically but in all aspects of his personality too. Louis hates to admit it but Harry has always been respectful and controlled, more like a beta than anything.

He doesn't fuck around, he doesn't manipulate people, and he doesn't pull the alpha card whenever he desires the authority. In fact he isn't very power-hungry at all. Harry would make a better O than he would an A. Yet there are some things in Harry that cannot be changed no matter how hard Harry tries, some things that are just in his nature...

Louis has those things too, those things he can't change no matter how hard he tries. Like how he always instinctively tucks his chin to his chest when someone yells, or how he always walks two steps behind alphas, or how he helplessly obeys all direct commands. He wishes he could be defiant, autonomous, and living on his own terms. But Louis is an omega and that means his story was written before he was even born. Biology and fate say his future holds nothing but clinginess and domestic servitude. Submission and compliance always.

He hates this, more than anything in the world he hates this. His title, his rank, his DNA. Unchangeable. Fated.

And then there's Harry, born to be unobjectively superior to Louis and all other O's. Unlike other A's, Harry doesn't wear his alpha-ness very well. He's clumsy with it, like walking around in a pair of shoes a size too big. His life is defined by uncertainty and tentativeness, and those are definitely not qualities alphas should have.

Sometimes, when Louis ponders it for too long, he thinks that maybe Harry resents being an A just as much as Louis resents being an O.

Louis sighs.

It doesn't matter. Even if it did matter, there's no changing it.

Whatever.