Love is like this; not a heartbeat, but a moan

10

It isn't until morning that reality sets in. That's when the nerves hit.

Oh fuck, Harry thinks as he's pulling on a pair of black jeans. Shit. He is so not prepared to deal with this right now. This being his impending relationship with the very same omega he has been pining after all his life.

He pulls on a comfy green jumper, slips on his worn suede boots, grabs his keys, and exits his flat in a whirlwind of thoughts.

Harry walks to the café rather than taking his car, partly due to the annoyance of parking on city streets but mainly because the walk in the chilly spring weather helps him clear his mind. He walks quickly to rid himself of jitters, but it doesn't exactly work, so when he enters the café fifteen minutes early he's just a blob of anxiety. He hikes all the way to his usual window seat, ready to put his head down until Louis arrives, hopefully catching some sleep in the meantime.
Except. Louis is already there.

"Oh!" Louis exclaims when Harry sits down on the bench across from him, clearly not expecting Harry for another fifteen minutes. "You're here early."
"So are you," Harry blushes.

"Right." Louis looks down at his mug of tea, fiddling with the napkin beneath it. "Listen, Harry, before you say anything, I have to, um. Apologize. For like, many things."
Harry frowns but doesn't interrupt, letting Louis make his point.

"Listen, the past few years... I know I was awful to you. And like, you're the last person on earth to deserve such treatment. Which makes what I did to you even shittier. So. I'm sorry, for like, everything. And I don't expect you to forgive me at all, in fact, if I were you I probably wouldn't." Louis bites his lip, pausing, and looks sad. "I just want you to know that you did nothing wrong and it was all me. I regret being so cold to you. So, yeah..."

Harry smiles sadly. "I won't say what you did was okay, but I forgive you."

Louis shakes his head. "You don't have to say that, Harry, seriously. Just, I need to thank you for spending my, um, heat with me because you said yes without question just because you wanted to help a friend out, and I admire that."

Yes, here they are. Old friends reconciling in a coffee shop on a chilly spring morning. One's hands strangling a mug of tea and the other's folded nervously in his lap. They share hesitant glances at each other and look away when their eyes meet. They speak softly of their regrets and apologies. One of them is in love and the other isn't. That's just how it is.

Harry chews on his bottom lip and then brings his hand to his mouth to chew on his thumbnail instead. He stares at Louis but Louis doesn't stare back. He wants to get his attention so he whispers, so so quietly, " I could never say no to you."

And, well, that's quite an admission.

Even worse, it's the honest truth.

Louis lifts his head sharply, his gaze piercing straight through Harry.

"Don't say that."

"What? Why?"

Louis groans. "I feel awful, Harry. I was terrible to you for years and then as soon as I needed something from you I went and asked you and then I- I used you. Which is. Despicable."

I'd take anything I could get, as long as it was with you, Harry thought dully. He doesn't say that out loud, though. Instead, what he says is, "you know I've had a crush on you since we were kids, don't you? Like, Lou... you know that, right?"

Louis' eyes widen slightly. And then he slaps his palm over his face and groans loud enough for the other patrons of the café peacefully sipping their Sunday morning coffee to look over and glare. Louis doesn't care. He drops his head to the table and hits it against the wood a few times, saying "I'm- the- worst-" and punctuating every word with another hit to the table.

Harry carefully slides his hands underneath the impact zone so that when Louis goes to hit his head again his face lands in Harry's hands.

"I'm fine with being friends again," Harry says, tapping Louis' soft cheek with his finger. "Can we be friends again?"

"Hazza," Louis whines, and wow, it's been a while since he's used that nickname. "Why don't you hate me?"

Harry rolls his eyes. "If you want me to answer that question, you're gonna have to wait a while because I have an entire novel full of reasons why I like you, so."

"I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry too, although I'm not really sure what I did."

"No Haz, you did nothing wrong."

But Harry knows what he did wrong.

It's more complex than that. The situation is multifaceted and intricate. Touchy, even. Because ultimately, Louis and Harry are fundamentally different. There are some things that the other will never be able to understand. But, they'll have to try. Harry is determined to try. Empathy and understanding are the most important aspects to any relationship, whether it's platonic or romantic or none of the above. Given the chance, he's determined now to make things right.

It's simple: Harry isn't completely innocent, just as Louis isn't completely at fault.

Harry wasn't there when Louis needed him all those years ago, and in fact that might be the worst crime of all.