Is This Me?

Chapter Sixteen - 6 Feet

Finally.

Finally?

The day had come. The day that everyone dreaded to come.

The day that Ben Oladipo, would be put in the ground.

As she got ready that morning, she felt disturbed. Her anxiety got the best of her. She couldn't cry. No tears came. She only felt sadness. Sad that she couldn't have more time with him. Sad that he had to leave too soon.

She always tried to remind herself that what happened had happened. Her father had died on a family vacation in Egypt and was going to be buried in a few hours.

Wow.

When she put it that way, it felt way more scary. More unbelievable.

"Anne! We have to go"

She stared at herself in the mirror and tried to remember the good times. All the good times; when Emily was born. She couldn't picture her family happier than then; the time Mama got a promotion at work. It was so joyful; the time David graduated! Happy times.

She tried to hold all those memories. She appreciated them now more than ever,  to see her through the other side of reality and this trial that God had brought their way. She sighed deeply. Its true, what they say,
Just like bad times pass, good times pass too.

She remembered one of Papa's favourite songs that he played so many times that she had the lyrics committed to memory. Funny, how apt those lyrics are at this very moment. It's a song by Faron Young titled Seasons Come, Seasons Go.

The seasons come, the seasons go
We get a little sunshine, rain or snow
Just the way thay it was planned to be

But there's no seasons in my heart
While you play the leading part
'Cause the flowers will bloom eternally

Your leaving will bring autumn sorrow
And my tears, like withered leaves will fall
But spring could bring some glad tomorrow
And darling, we could be happy afterall

As it"s all is in nature's plan
No season gets the upper hand
Oh, how I try to keep this fact in mind

The trees are bare, the cold wind blows
And by experience I know
That winter comes but spring is close behind

Your leaving will bring autumn sorrow
And my tears, like withered leaves will fall But spring could bring some glad tomorrow
And darling, we could be happy afterall

As it"s all is in nature's plan
No season gets the upper hand
Oh, how I try to keep this fact in mind

The trees are bare, the cold wind blows
And by experience I know
That winter comes but spring is close behind

Your leaving will bring autumn sorrow
And my tears, like withered leaves will fall
But spring could bring some glad tomorrow
And darling, we could be happy afterall...

×××××

She held her sister's hand as she felt her struggle to hold back her tears. She felt sorry for her. She was only ten years old and had so much she needed to know and experience with her dad. She was being so strong in all of this and Anne couldn't be more proud of her.

She rubbed her hand softly as she tried to listen to the pastor. She avoided looking at Papa's framed picture which was placed conspicuously by the side, along with some roses at the other side of his casket.

His casket.

His body was in it.

His dead body.

She never got to see his body. Although, she wasn't sure if she could muster the courage to, but she still wished to see his face, one more time...

The day was sunny, and the sun shone harshly. Wearing black made matters worse. She looked to the side, her gaze landing on Steph, her grandmother. She would meet her later and she was to be as respectful as she could ever be, Mama said.

Beside Steph was a young girl in her late twenties, Eli. Her father's sister. Her aunt.

She looked further and saw Amanda. Another Aunt, but the only one she could recognize from being in Nigeria years back in her younger years. Although, her memories with her had faded completely, her face still remained vivid in her subconscious.

She looked beside her, Emily, David, Josh, and on her other side was Mama, Lilly, Susan, and Lilly's dad, Jones William. She never really saw him around whenever she went for visits and sleepovers, but she always liked him. He was quick, smart, and proper. She was surprised he could make it with his daughter and wife.

She imagined how proud Papa would be. In all of them. Every little effort they had put into his funeral, getting everyone together for his final farewell. She could only imagine.

Her cousins and Aunty Inaya couldn't make it. Mammy and Pappy too. But they sent their condolences that very morning before they had left for the event. They sang 'Amazing Grace' and as the Pastor brought the service to an end with prayers, sounds of crying increased, including Mama's. David took her to a corner to calm down before bringing her back a few moments later to throw her handfuls of dust as his casket was lowered six feet under the ground.

She didn't think she could bring herself to watch them lower her fathers casket into the ground, but she found herself watching. She had tears in her eyes that threatened to spill at any second. Emily's head was on her laps, her face turned away. She was avoiding watching the scene. Josh sobbed quietly to himself and twirled a ring in his fingers. Papa gave him the ring a few years back because he was always sad that he was not his biological son. He gave him the ring to show him that he meant more to him that an adopted boy.

After they took turns bidding their farewells, it was time to cover up his grave with sand.

His grave.

People had started leaving with tear- stained faces. She couldn't bring herself to move, but she felt the tears she was holding back all along pour down her face. She didn't even try to stop them. She felt a pair of hands on her shoulders. She recognized her scent immediately. It was Lilly.

"You don't have to watch" she whispered. "It's going to be okay" and then she left her alone. She knew that everyone wanted time to themselves right now, but she also knew that a lot of people had come for them. For her. And she had to sacrifice just as much to pay them the respect they deserved. She finally moved and rushed over to give Lilly a hug. She didn't even realize when she started sobbing in her chest. She was already missing him too much. She feared that the pain of losing him would kill her, for sure.

She didn't know if she could do it. Live without him. She felt no one could understand the pain she was feeling. The sorrow she felt, and the sadness behind every tear she shed.

Lilly stroked her hair as she whispered soothing words to her. She could tell that she was also trying to be strong for her. She could hear it in her voice that tears were threatening to fall out of her eyes. She loved Lilly, she really did. And she really appreciated her coming to Nigeria to show her support and love.

She realized that she had people that actually cared for her and loved her, but only few were closely within her reach.

I'm not crying, you are. I felt so sad writing this. But things will get better. I promise.

•Sweet foods or spicy foods?

Me: Spicy!