FOLDED SECRETS

MY OPEN SECRET

"It should remain a secret between us. Ok?", he asked me brushing his strands of hairs falling on his forehead. Just then I realized that l looked bizzare. How can I fall for this idiot each fuck'n time. His direct gaze onto my eyes made me step back and l looked aimlessly at the wall. The red and pink balloons uniformly attached to the walls, the center table  with a small heart-shaped cake, the ribbons hanging from the roof and the multi colored candles decorated well in this tiny room. "OK", l shyly spoke. That was the time I looked closely at him. His white plain shirt with his denim jacket and shorts matched with his model like figure. He was now busy with folding the curtains. "I guess I came too early.", I asked pressing my lips. "Can I help you with something ?" I asked. "No no no.", he spoke nodding his head. He left with whatever work he was doing and the next moment he stood near me. "The only work you can do now is wait for me to wrap this fast. You can wait outside and make sure she doesn't come inside." I gulped at the thought if I could exchange places. I sighed unknowingly, maybe my inner self made me do that. I nodded and turned towards the door. As I took my first step, he hold my hand making me flushed. I slightly turned my face towards him making sure he doesn't notice my watery eyes. "Neha, don't forget to text me when she arrives."

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Sitting alone, my mind keeps going far away not knowing its destination but my heart knew it all and secretly whispers to me. Finally our friendship was about to convert into love; but since I was tight-lipped, the story between us got hidden under the backspace...

My love for him started without letting me know that I had fallen for him. In the beginning it was really difficult for me to believe the fact that I had fallen in love but as we started to approach each other and spend time, I was clear....I was clear about my love and I was clear about his love.

My words have always betrayed me and will continue to betray me whenever he is near no matter how much I memorize, I know my silence was complicated which got unnoticed by him and so the story between us got hidden under the backspace.

I could never speak my heart out to him and he never tried to understand my silence. Feelings started from my heart and always stopped when it reached my mouth and thus a friendship always returns back from the doorstep of love; whole life I'll regret that he could never read my eyes and that I could not be more brave; thus the story of my love got vent out through the saline water of my eyes.

It would be a lie if I say that I never tried. I tried everyday. Alas! I was too scared to lose him as my friend.
A lie gets easily sold out in the market but true feeling are always filtered by people. Thinking about the harsh consequences I step back everyday and console myself and so the story between us got hidden under the backspace...

How can I not speak my heart out and say what I feel for him? Apart from him, whosoever knew me, saw my sincere love for him and they suggested me to be explicit and . I always make up my mind to do so but whenever my eyes met his, I come back to my senses and the reality speaks up before my heart could do that.

I have no harsh feelings that my truth got suppressed somewhere within my heart. Though I wanted to express my love for him...but I guess it was my love ( my one-sided love) that chooses to be calm and let it go unnoticed and so the story between us got hidden under the backspace....

If this would have been my infatuation, I would have easily moved on; alas it was fuck'n love and so was left folded and he never tried to unfold it and so the story between us got hidden under the backspace.

This is what makes me step back and walk away...the fear that I might love him more and the belief that he'll never!!!

Dont know how long is it that I have to resist everything and hide all of the truth in my heart; but I can't reveal it. I can only hope that he'll know it someday.

Though I love him, though I feel for him but deep inside isn't brave enough to reveal it. I can only hope that he'll know it someday.

I know I can't move on, also I know that he'll never know what I feel for him...he is special to me who made me experience this crazy lovely thing called love unknowingly. And I can only hope that he'll know it someday.

Every time we met, my heart yells to him but I guess he never heard it. Do you know how much I had to force myself and pretend to be still? Alas, he never saw it and I never tried to show it. But I can only hope that he'll know it someday.

I don't understand why it must be him...to be the one in my heart...to be the owner of my heart; I guess that my heart is never confused...it was very clear when it chose...it was certain that he is the only one that my heart picked. And I can only hope that he'll know it someday.

The saddest part is that I can never blame him for not knowing my love for him...neither can I blame myself. How could I ditch my best friend who was also his girlfriend? How could I tell her to leave him for me? How could I build my dreams when she was really suffering due to her break-up with him? How could I approach to him when I knew that he loved my best friend? How could I?

But sometimes I really get confused about him. There are times when I feel that he loves my best-friend and will never leave her, there are also times when I feel that he doesnt want to be in the relationship and somehow throws a hint to me. I don't know how far its true but my love for him is real and will always be the same and I can only hope that he'll know it someday.

Days are flying and I dont know what to do. I cannot fight more. I'm tired now and only I can hope that he'll know it someday. While I am rotting inside, he is blissfully ignorant. I am begging you please know it...please know it..someday...

I really dont know what to do. Should I back off or approach? I really don't want to be the villain of their love-story; I can only become a silent lover and in return never expect anything from him. And can only hope that he'll know it somehow someday.

Don't look down on one-sided love. It is a complete lie when someone says that one sided-love is painful. I think it is one of the best feelings ever where no one knows about our secret admirer including that person itself...where there is no greed but only hope...where there is no fear of losing but only hope. And in my case I can only hope that he'll know it someday.

I think this is quite good. At least I can love him forever without letting anyone know. Here I am in-charge of the starting and the endings.

He might not love me but he taught me, he changed me, he grew me. I don't think my love has failed because it is he who has actually failed. It was he who made me fall in love but himself forgot to fall. I'll never stop for a moment without thinking about him and I know for sure that he'll never stop for a moment and think about me.

My  brain  says something and my heart say just the opposite. But now my brain also knows that my heart won't leave..... ❤💜❤