FOLDED SECRETS

Not My Day

I feel yesterday was not my day, my lucky day!!

It's still a question for me how my pure love made you doubt about it?? How my sincere concern made you annoyed?? How my unharmed actions made you scared????

"Let's end this. I won't repeat again so listen carefully Revin. I have lost all the hopes from you and I cannot think of you romantically now. Moreover I want to start fresh."

"With him. Right?", I was pissed.

"Why are you always like this? You never try to understand me. Every fuck'n time it was I who compromised. I need space for myself. I don't want my life to end within your underlined boundaries. This time no matter how much you explain, I won't be afraid to take this decision. I won't come back." Your last conversation ended just like that. And I stood there quietly and looked how effortlessly and cruely you turned and left me there alone.

Keeping quiet doesn't mean that I had nothing to say. I too had things penetrated within my heart but I'm not sure if you are ready to listen to my thoughts.

Did you change? Or did I? Let it be, you don't have to answer that, but you can start the fight. Now I'm sure of one thing that no matter how much you are loyal and faithful, you can always be replaced.

I never wanted to annoy you or hurt you. It's always you who pushed me to do all those weird stuffs. You very well know I was never like that. It all began after you twisted and distorted your thoughts and words.

I have always counted our happy memories that we shared at times whenever I feel exhausted with our relationship and this surely cures my pain every time and make me move back to you forgetting every bitter truth about you but today I couldn't remember any of them.

Do you remember one day I asked you how much you love me and you simply replied 'more than myself'. I became so happy that day, not knowing your hidden meaning which meant you never loved yourself at all.

I'm the same person who wished to see you every time I close my eyes and live with you even in my dreams. Today I'm the same person who is afraid. Yes, I'm afraid to close my eyes. I'm afraid to see you in my dreams. I'm afraid to hear your voice again and I'm afraid to remember your last words.

The refill is little left but I want to write more, just like yesterday, I wanted to say more and explain but stepped back thinking why do I need to explain you every time?

Tell me, is it because you found someone else or is it really because your parents weren't happy about us? Remember you didn't give a valid reason. Fine! I'll believe your lies.

But tell me, how will I remove your sweet and bitter memories? How will I remove your sugar-quoted words from my mind? How will I remove your imprints from my heart. How will I regain my purity? The person with whom I'll be in the future, how will I built a relation when I'm still impure inside?

Tell me, how will I cure my pain? How will I accept the reality of you betraying me? I'm clear about my mind that seems to know everything but pretends not to know. But how will I console my heart who doesn't care about the world anymore and still longs for your love? Tell me??

Even if you don't tell me all these, just say how can I forget everything and move on as if nothing happened between us, just like you did?

The sun is gone now, it is scary when dark but you'll never understand..Will you??

I can open my eyes in this darkness now, but now my heart beat is unfamiliar. This isn't the first time, I better get used to it.

It's only been a day. I just can't think of how am I going to keep on living?

It's hard to let you go but it's harder to see you going to someone I hated the most. How I never saw the big gap between us that allowed the third person to enter.

I wish I never had seen you, I wish I never had fallen in love with you and that fraudulent smile, I wish I had never dreamt of you, I wish I could stay like before, I wish I could smile like before.

I'm just fine, don't worry. I could laugh now because your voice let me know everything. Thank you for leaving me when I let youor else I might hold you back. I never thought it will be so easy for you to replace me. But Im happy that you are gone now.

Im happy now. I think this is what it ought to bemy destiny that keeps getting jealous of us being together. Now the gloom doesnt scare me instead it revives me to sleep but cant face the thought. I know that people usually fall for the wrong person first and stop trusting when actually the true lover comes. But Ill wait. Ill wait for my loveto heal meto rebuild me again.

I understand why you left. But why am I still waiting? I find no solution. The story is shaking the destinybut its fine, it knows its way. I hope you get what you actually deserve. You are the most important person in my life and I hope you know that. And about me? Dont worry. I'll silently keep on doing at what I am best.