FOLDED SECRETS

IT'S NOW OR NEVER

Mr. Nair recognized a letter kept on his desk. This letter came to his office 1 month ago and was kept in the corner of his desk. It was left untouched for some days. The letter was returned by the postman who was unable to find the address given in the letter.

Sometimes letters do return to the post office due to inappropriate address or due to shifting of people. And this letter too had its reasons. The off-coloured envelop made him curious. He thought of opening it before dumping.

The letter looked shabby as if it was written way back. The exterior looked completely contrast with its interior. The handwriting was neatly written as if the person took utmost care to write each and every word. He read it.

'Hi

I know you hate me right now and you don't want to read this at all but please do read it.

Aradhya, I know its useless now to tell you all these but I can't let go...can't let go things like this anymore. I need to confess all the things before I leave.

We both knew what we meant to each other. I always loved you and cared about you. And I know you too did feel the same for me.

We cried a lot and laughed a lot, quarreled a lot and loved a lot, it was beautiful because it was genuine.

Adapted to you with everything, I wanted to live my life for you... with you!!! The time left in my hand, I wanted to spend all of those with you and you only. But I don't want you to get used to me. I'm afraid what will happen when I'll not be with you anymore. Since I couldn't do what I wished for, so I wore a fake annoying mask and go to see you. I try hard to hurt you and keep you away from me. Believe me! I have hated myself for hurting you. And it was never easy to hurt the one I loved. But as I kept doing that, I just couldnt bear the storm inside my heart. The real myself crying inside the fake mask, but I couldnt reveal it.

Since I gave pain to you I'm going going far away so that you won't be hurt anymore...so that you won't cry anymore...so that you could smile some more.

The day I pushed you away when you tried to hug me, I cursed my hands for doing so. The day I deleted all our pictures from my phone infront of you, beforehand I had transferred it to my another phone The day I insulted you infront of people, I cried the whole night. The day I bad-mouthed about you, my inner self died that day.

You know I couldn't show you me, neither give you me. I couldn't show how helpless I was when I got the news. Nothing could be done to save me. I couldn't show a run-down part of me, so I wore a mask and go to see you. I tried every possible way to move you away but deep within I still wanted you.

I can't believe that I'll no longer be able to see you and be with you. I'm just bearing it because this is all that I can do.

I really want to make you mine after I take off this foolish mask but I know I can never do that. I cannot see you carrying the burden of me throughout your whole life and so I had to hide.

The day I got the news of my disease, I cried, cried a lot, day and night. Not because I was dying within a few years but because I won't be able to be with you anymore. The dreams we built together for our future shattered with the coming of this news.

From that day onwards I decided that I have to build a distance between us so that it becomes easier for you to leave me and forget me. I know I have hurt you by this foolish act but I had no choice. I can't let you live your whole life mourning after my death.

You thought you had a hard time dealing with my annoying behavior. Right? But you are wrong. It was much harder for me to do so. I tried to be happy when you left me, tried to be happy when you chose someone else, tried to be happy when you got married to him, tried to be happy when you moved abroad. I was happy when I saw you again after two long years, I was happy to see you again, I was happy to see your kid.

Its my fate and I know it. Still I want to struggle and fight. I know I can never see you like before, find you beside me like before and I also know that you won't come to see me like before...still I want some few more time, just a bit more to see you again.

Its my fate so don't come to see me now as I won't be there. Don't cry for me now as I won't be there. Don't wish anything for me as I can't go to you. There is no name you can call me now. By the time you read this letter I will be dissolved in the air.

Yes! Its my truth, its my fate. Soon I'll be covered with sands all over my body and I'll be waiting for you to put flowers on me. I'll hug you and touch you through the blowing wind. But you must not cry as I'll not be able to wipe away your tears.

I want to stay, I want to dream more but now its time for me to leave. I still wonder a lovely story for us. I still wonder the best moments in it.  Promise now to me that we will meet again and our story will be much beautiful next time. Lets intertwine our pinkies and promise.

Nihar'

Tears rolled one after another through his cheeks...Mr. Nair started to sob. Soon it turned out into a loud burst and he started to cry in bewail. The very next moment the crowd encircled him. His colleagues, seeing him shriek, came to stop him from crying. And he cried more for some time.

Mr. Nair, while holding the piece of paper in one hand, and other hand gripping his forehead, looked aweful. The crowd still waited for him to speak. "Nihar..." was the very first word he spoke before he cried for another round. When his tears dried up signalling his eyes that were red enough that he could cry no more, he spoke in a low tone, " How can I be so noxious? I didn't knew that I had ruined a person's last wish when I fabricated the letter...my this cunning and murky act...how can I forgive myself...how will I look into my daughter's eyes now...I feel loathe for myself." , and he cried some more.