Too Close To Broken

First Love

Thank you for the food.
"You're welcome."

You can come in, Derrion, I said, swinging my hand inside.
"Alright."

Why you acting all scared like this something new?
"I ain't. Just weird starting over with you."

Starting over? Uhh, no. Just mutual friends hanging out.

I'm not finna lie, Derrion was my first love and I cared for him a lot until he did me wrong by cheating on me.

"I see y'all did some decorating," Derrion said, looking around.
No, my dad just finally got all his stuff out, that's all.

"Why don't you like that man?" he said, laughing.
What do you mean why? Is he here right now? Right, so moving on. What movie you want to watch?

"I don't know. Put in your favorite movie."
So you want to watch Twilight?

"Girl I don't care, put in a movie," he said, flopping on the bed.

I hurried up and popped in a movie and climbed in the bed, cuddling in between his legs while his arms wrapped around me.

"Why you keep looking at me?"
I don't know. You keep looking at me.

"Yes you do. You been looking at me for the past thirty-five minutes. The movie been on and I just can't help it. I can't believe I let you go."

Who was it that you got a baby by?

"We still on this?" he said, rubbing his face.
Come on, I just want to know.

"I don't wanna say, she gone be mad."
And what she gone do?

"Alright man... it was Tiffany."

This was when we were together, right?
"Yeah."

So you got a nasty trashy girl pregnant while we were together?!

"One, she probably saying the same thing about you. And two, what you getting mad for?!"

I'm not a hoe, first of all. You have life messed up. I might have slept with a couple people, but they be the same ones, I said angrily.

"Name one!"
You, Bo, and Buddy.

"You a lie!" he said, smiling.

How you know who I been with? Least I didn't mess with the whole football team like Tiffany did.

"I don't know why you mad. You wanted my baby or something?!" he asked.

No. It's not even like that, I said, putting my head down.

"Then you need to chill with all that. Nobody ain't calling you out."

Call me out on what? I keep my legs closed. I don't mess with randoms.

"Jessica, I'ma say this real nicely. Shut the fuck up. Now listen—nobody said you did all that. Nobody called you a hoe either, so you getting upset for something petty."

But—

"Ain't no but. Shut up. Damn. We good now?"

Yeah.

"Jess, I'm back from work!" my mom yells from upstairs.
I'm downstairs!

"Hey Derrion. You know you can't have company. You think this punishment a joke."
It's just Derrion.

"I don't care if it was Ronald McDonald. I'm going to let it slide this time because your dad is coming."
Huh? Why?! I say with disappointment.

"He wants to see you."
Okay.

"Can I have a kiss?"
No, 'cause you piss me off, I push him back.

"I really wasn't asking but..."

Ahh! Oww! Stop! Derrion, ahh! Eww, that was nasty.
"Whatever. I'm sorry."

I lean over and kiss him slowly and passionately. My emotions were running high. I start thinking about actually getting back with him until I quickly remind myself—

I know, but it doesn't cover the fact of what you did.

"Jess!" my dad says, coming in my room.
Oh my God, here we go, I say, throwing my hands up.

"Umm, who is this?" my dad says, pointing at Derrion.
This is Derrion.

"Can y'all put some clothes on? I don't know what y'all think this is."
Think what? Nobody was doing nothing.

"What the hell is this?! A condom!" He picks it up and shakes it in my face.
Not even from us.

"So somebody else was in your room?" he says, tossing the condom behind him.
Meaning we didn't have sex. It was with somebody else.

"So you are just having sex in this house?!"
Dad! Please, you ain't here no way. Mom already knows about this, so chill, I say, grabbing clothes off the floor.

"Who you think you talking to?! Go upstairs right now!"
Mom!! I yell, running upstairs.

"What, what?"
Get him!

"This is what I found downstairs on her floor."

"Okay. What do you want me to do?"

"What do you mean?! Be a mother. Matter of fact, a parent!"

"I mean she doesn't have a good example of a father and she's on punishment. I'm trying my best with her by myself."

"Then she's going to live with me for a while then. You can't take care of her. She has too much alone time when you go to work."

I ain't going nowhere.

"You're only sixteen and being sexually active."
Your point?

"What the hell?! That's my point! I should beat your ass, unlike your mother just sitting here."

"I am doing my best, damn it. If you would've been running around being a hoe yourself, we could be together taking care of her. I have to work. I can't watch her like she's 5—she's 16. I talk to her about these things, but that's all I can do. I can't strap her to her bed every day I leave for work."

"You sound dumb! You know that's not the real reason I left, Gianna. I'm not going to argue. Don't call me when she end up pregnant or with a disease. Y'all don't want me to play a role as a father until something goes wrong. Jessica, my door is open anytime for you," he said, walking out and slamming the front door.