Can you see me yet

part five

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My body felt heavy. I stood in the doorway of my room, unable to move. What should I even do anymore?

I don't want to go to sleep. I don't want to be awake anymore. I don't want to be Izuku Midoriya anymore.

My head felt hollow, not a single thought operating throughout my mind. My feet reluctantly started to step towards my desk. I pulled out my chair, sat down, and then powered on the computer in front of me.

12:25 am

The muscle memory implanted into my brain allowed my fingers to move on their own. The light coming from the computer pierced into my eyes. This seems like the only thing that's left for me to do.

I lifted my knees into my cheek, resting my face on top of them. I pressed play on the video.

"Ha ha ha ha!

He's laughing?

It's fine now. Why? Because I am here."

Play it again.

"Ha ha ha ha!

He's laughing?

It's fine now. Why? Because I am here."

Play it again. Again, again, again.

Again. More, more, more.

I replayed the video until All Might's words grinded into liquid. I replayed the video until it didn't feel like words were being spoken anymore. My brain cried out for the slightest taste of nostalgia.

My eyes stung from not looking away once. My legs were numb from not moving for- how many hours? I looked into the corner of the screen.

3:16 am

This is finally enough. I've had enough of everything. I looked up, my eyes falling upon an All Might poster.

An overwhelming rage cast upon me. My legs pushed off of the chair, hopping onto my desk. I grabbed the edge of the paper and split it down the center. I crushed the half as hard as I could. Until my palm lost all coloration.

I threw it onto the floor. All of it needs to be gone, every last scrap of paper. My hands so rapidly tried to reach and shred each sheet of paper taped to my walls that I didn't notice every one of my fingers was blanketed in papercuts. My feet danced around my desk, pushing off anything that got into my way with no regard.

None of that stuff will matter later, anyways.

I looked down at the side table standing next to me. My foot kicked the edge with as much force as I had left in me. The figurines placed on top of it came crashing down onto the floor. My body felt hot and dizzy. It was begging me to scream at the top of my lungs, to let everything out. My chest felt sore.

It was like a switch flipped off inside of me. Every ounce of rage, anger, and frustration abruptly abandoned me. A new idea formed inside of my mind. Cold tears began to stream down my face, slowly trickling off my chin onto the wood surface I still stood on.

I'm ready to accept the thought I've been trying to bury away. The one I used to beg myself to not think of. But now, that thought's all I have left.

As I moved my foot to step down, I felt my computer next to me. I crouched down to look at the screen.

3:21 am

I don't need this anymore. I put it in my hands and stood back up. Raising my arms above my head, I let go. It hammered against the floor, the sound loudly echoing throughout my room.