Assassin For Hire

**Bonus Chapter: Gavin's Letter to Victoria**

**Bonus Chapter: Gavin's Letter to Victoria**

Dear Victoria,

If you're reading this it means that things took a turn for the worst and I'm behind bars where I should've been a long time ago but I'm glad I didn't go a long time ago because then I never would've met you and I never would've been able to fall so deeply in love with a person as I have with you.

I can't lie to you, I'm an awful person. I've murdered more people than I care to admit and I did it all for money. I took away innocent lives without a second thought and I can't look myself in the mirror without seeing a devil staring back at me.

When I met you, I knew I could never take away your life. I didn't lie when I told you it was just an assignment. I remember the night we met like it was yesterday. You were sitting at the bar, downing shots of Tequila and hoping to forget about your fiancée. I remember my first thought of you was that you were beautiful and from the moment I met you, the only thing I thought about was how I was going to keep you alive.

I wanted with all of my heart to get to know you and I knew that with Talon in the way, that'd never happen. Every conversation I had with him was to buy you more time. I never even thought at any point of knowing you that I'd be able to put a bullet through you. I'd sooner kill myself than kill you.

Every time I was with you, I felt my world slow down for those few hours because your smile and your happiness were the only things that concerned me. When you were happy, I felt happy. No matter what we were doing, as long as you were happy, I was.

Every time you were hurt, I felt this all-consuming rage fill my gut and suddenly, I wanted to kill whoever caused you that pain and if you hadn't changed my heart I probably would've. You made me see that taking away lives on impulse was what I had been trained to do but not what I wanted to do. I'm a better person because of you.

The night you got stabbed made me realize that you were not safe, no matter how much time I tried to buy you. Talon was still out there and he was still bent on you being another stone in the graveyard. I snapped in that moment and I realized that I needed to do more than buy you time, I needed to get rid of the problem that almost took you away from me. I made it clear to Talon that I would never murder you and then I never looked back.

When you were sitting outside of my front door the night we fought, I knew that my efforts had all been in vain. I could see the disappointment in your eyes when you told me that I owed you an explanation and I knew that it was all over. I knew that you had found out and I knew that I would lose you. That fight tore me up inside and I want you to know that letting you walk out that door was the most idiotic thing I've ever done in my life.

I froze up, I wanted to go after you but I felt like I could never ask you to forgive me after what I did to you. Watching the tears fall down your cheeks as your shaking hand opened my door and watching as you walked away, never once looking back, broke my heart into a million pieces and ignoring you made the pain even worse. I thought maybe it would go away if I just tried to forget about you but it only made me think about you more.

I know I can never say this enough but I am truly sorry for everything. I'm sorry I was assigned to murder you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about your biological father and what he wanted me to do to you. I never should've lied to you. I wanted to tell you but no time ever seemed right and the more time I spent with you, the less I felt like telling because I knew if I told you, you'd never want anything to do with me and I don't blame you...I wouldn't want anything to do with me either.

I don't deserve you Victoria, I never did. I'm a worthless pauper and you're the princess but when you kissed me that first night, I knew that for once the lowest of the low had won at least for a minute. Every time I kissed you or even looked at you, I felt like the luckiest man in the world to have won your heart. I can live my life out happily wherever I am now, knowing that you love me.

I want you to remember something and I want you to keep it in your heart for the rest of your life. Every moment I spent with you was not a lie. I never meant to hurt you and I know I screwed up when I kept that secret from you but I never lied to you about me. I was real with you from the moment I met you. I never hid myself from you, I showed you who I was. Yes, I kept some things from you but every moment I was with you was real and pure and true. I didn't put on a mask with you and I never wanted to. I knew if you loved me, I wanted you to love me for the real me.

No matter where I am and where I go, I'll love you with all my heart. If I get life in prison, you'll be the only thought in my head every day when I wake up in that prison cell. If I get the death penalty, you'll be the last thought to ever enter my brain before they stick that needle in my arm. If I somehow avoid prison, you'll be the first person I go to find because you are the only thing that would make being free worth it.

Making you happy is all I want to do for the rest of my life and if somehow I'm rewarded with that, I'll never let you go. I won't make that stupid mistake twice. However, if I'm stuck behind bars as I fear I will be, I want you to move on.

I remember you telling once that I deserved someone who could fully love me back...Well, that's what I want you to find. It's hard for me to even think about but I don't want you to put your life on hold and wait for me to come back because there's a strong chance I never will.

I want you to find someone who loves you and someone you love back with all your heart. I will be happy forever if you find someone who will give you what I always hoped to give you...happiness. If you do that, then all of my actions will be worth it.

As much as I want to be the only man you love for the rest of your life, I know that realistically that won't happen. I'm going to go to prison and you're going to move on, so please promise me that you'll find a man who deserves you, a man who will give you the world. If you find that, then I'll wake up on my metal cot every morning with a smile on my face.

Please, my love, never forget what we have, please never forget me. I want to be remembered in your heart no matter who you find to love because nothing would suck worse than being forgotten by the only person I've ever fallen in love with. I want to be the reason for your smile, the pair of arms around your waist, the only man kissing your lips for the rest of your life but since that isn't possible, I want you to remember me in your heart.

Years down the road when you're married and have kids of your own, I want you to reminisce and I hope that I'm lucky enough to make it into your memories. You made my life worth living, Victoria and I hope that yours becomes all that you deserve.

Love,

Gavin Forrester, your (almost) assassin for hire