Lillyheart's Secret

Chapter Thirty-nine

"I can't believe Murkfall convinced Creekstar to keep me in camp."

Lillyheart had her face buried in Wavecloud's side, moaning her complaints into her the older warrior's thick fur. "Just because I'm expecting kits doesn't mean I'm useless."

Wavecloud licked behind her ear, chuckling at her adopted daughter. "Lillyheart, dear, you know he's just worried. With everything that's happened, what do you expect? And," Her voice dropped low, thrumming in Lillyheart's ear. "You know how he took losing your kits, and he almost lost you too! He doesn't want to have to go through that again."

Lillyheart flicked her tail around herself with a sigh. "Well he can just talk to me then," she huffed. "It's not like I go running around into danger anyhow."

Wavecloud pinned one ear back. "Are you so sure about that? We both know smart decisions are not your forte."

Lillyheart made a face at her, and Wavecloud sighed. "I'll try and talk some sense into Creekstar, but convincing Murkfall is up to you. And don't be gentle with him, either. If you really care about this, Lillyheart, you need to let him know. He may be deputy, but you're his mate."

The older she-cat shook her head, defeat clear in her actions. "But I understand where he is coming from, Lillyheart. He doesn't want to lose you, none of us do. But he also should have talked this out with you first. Just, don't be too harsh when you talk to him. His biggest fault is caring."
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As much as Lillyheart wanted to run out of camp to find that daft furball, she knew better than to push herself like that. Even now, hiking through the territory following that familiar scent was leaving her breathless as she carried on. The scent grew stronger, and her pace picked up as she urged herself to find him at the end of all of this.

Lillyheart looked up and saw him there, staring out at the stretches of Riverclan territory, tucked in the roots of the willows.

"Hey!" She cried, panting as she bounded through those last paces to get to him, a startled look on his face as she stood in front of him. "I've been looking for you all day."

"Oh." He stared at her a moment, his eyes blank, before he blinked and the life glinted back to his green eyes. "Oh! Lillyheart, what did I say?" He cried, jumping to his paws to bat gently at her whiskers. "I told you to stay in camp! Does this look anything like camp?"

Lillyheart rolled her eyes and settled down on her side, gaze trained on her rounded stomach. "Actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about," she mewed, twining her tail with Murkfall's when he settled down beside her. "I wish you had talked with me before going to Creekstar with that. You know I don't like to feel trapped." A shudder crawled down her pelt, bearing memories of darkness and heavy breathing.

Guilt crumpled his face. "I'm so sorry," he murmured, touching his forehead to her own. "I didn't even think of that, oh Lillyheart, I'm so, so sorry."

Lillyheart pulled away when he was done speaking. "But that's the thing," she said, looking him in the eye. "You didn't think. And that's the problem." She paced away, tail twitching around her paws. "We're supposed to be mates, Murkfall, we're supposed to talk with each other, to figure things out together! But how can we do this together if you never talk to me anymore?"

Lillyheart turned back, eyes shining, and something twisted inside her at the look on Murkfall's face. "I'm trying," she whispered, voice crumbling as she continued. "I'm trying so hard, Murkfall. There's not much day that passes when I don't think about her—" she broke off, shaking as she could see that small grey apprentice, so bright and happy, so full of life, even though she never truly got to live. "I can't do this alone."