Lapis | Bucky Barnes.

IX. unexpected help

Keira cried, that night. A small tear had showed up on her face for the last time only when she had made sure Rick was really safe from Hydra's hands.

It wasn't the desperate, puffy eyed, red cheeked and body trembling type of crying. Keira had just laid down on her bed, her body facing the ceiling, while silent tears fell down the side of her eyes and landed on her hair, but she remained immobile, letting the pain flow away from her as much as possible without moving, not knowing what could have happened if she did.

It wasn't as if she had felt a huge weight being taken off her shoulders when she spoke to Bucky about her father, because she didn't need to vent that type of pain. It was a cross she had to bear because she had been unlucky enough to find him -although it was way better than having Rick finding him. But she had revealed part of her past in a situation of weakness she wasn't familiar with, and that had shaken her to her very core. She felt sick, nauseous at the only memory of that dreaded night.

The morning after, she was quick to get dressed and leave the room without looking at herself in the mirror for too long. She knew what she would have seen in the reflection of the glass, and she wasn't ready to deal with it, because she would have seen exactly what she was: weak.

She decided to take a walk to the city, not really knowing where to go. She took her phone with her, just in case someone needed her- Rick or Bucky, no one else really cared about her existence.

Keira thought about many places she wanted to visit, even if she had lived in New York for all her life, but she still decided to visit the cemetery, where she hadn't been in years.

She remembered the way clearly, as if she went there every single day, but she immediately felt how odd it was to be there without her brother. She had never tried to go there on her own, not bearing the memories that place brought within, but she didn't want to bother Rick while he was still recovering from his months in the Hydra compound, and she needed her own time to recover from the shock she had endured the night before.

She didn't sit down when she reached the grave. Partly because she couldn't due to her leg, partly because she didn't want to. She wanted to do nothing but say a quick hello to her father before storming off, trying to avoid any sentimentalism.

Looking at the grave for a moment and reading the inscriptions carved on it, Keira sighed heavily and attempted to leave. She couldn't, though, for some weird force that was pulling her back to where she was standing, her heart heavy and her hands shaking. She felt the unfamiliar feeling of tears brimming in her eyes and she quickly shook her head, scrubbing her running nose and clenching her hands.

"You were weak, dad. Mom leaving didn't give you any right to give up on life, on us. We needed you, we really did. I mean, we handled ourselves pretty well anyway, Rick's still an idiot but I have enough free time to take care of him. Still!" Keira slammed her sane foot on the ground while balancing herself on the crutches feeling sad tears starting to turn into angry ones. "You had no right to leave us, you hear me? We needed you so bad, I needed you to tell me how to take care of a kid only four years younger than me. I needed you to teach him how to tie his shoes the way you did with me. I was fourteen when I found you, dad! Why didn't you fight? Why didn't you fight a little longer for us, why did you have to be so selfish?"

Keira furiously shook her head, wiping angrily her tears away as she crouched down on her sane leg, while the other remained stretched on her side. She brushed some dust off the grave and smiled sweetly. "It's ok though, it really is, I was just a little stressed. We made it through a lot, Rick and I. He's an ass, and is way too reckless, but I love him, and I know you loved us, too, although maybe that wasn't enough for you. I just miss you, that's all. Ok, well, I'm going now."