pretty boys || ian gallagher

three

TW: anxiety, panic attacks, mentions of rape.

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carlos decided not to go back to the gallagher's. he felt too guilty, as if he had taken advantage of his girlfriend.

he opened the door, and walked straight into his house, shutting the door behind him. he was hoping that there was nobody in, but unlucky for him, both kev and v were in.

"hey-" kev spoke, as carlos rushed through the living room, and through the kitchen, going straight to his room.

he slammed the door behind him. his leaned against the wall, and sunk down to the floor. oh shit. he thought. does this make me a rapist? i took advantage of carrie. shit, she said she wanted to, but she was vulnerable, in a bad place.

there was a knock on the door, "hey buddy? you good?" kev's voice spoke from the other side.

carlos' breathing quickened. his chest tightened, it felt as if his lungs were being crushed.

he choked on a breath, before trying to speak, "y-yeah. i'm fine."

he moved his hand up to the handle of the door next to him, and turned the lock of it so that nobody would walk in.

his heart thudded in his chest, his hands shook, and his vision blurred, as if he was looking through a fish eye lens. his mouth became dry, as a tear rolled down his cheek. he tried to be as quiet as possible, but he was choking on his breath which made that difficult. he was hyperventilating, he pressed his hand to his chest, hoping that it would help. but it only got worse.

carlos gasped for air, as breathing suddenly became impossible for the boy.

~~~

kev had tried to open the door multiple times after he had heard it get locked, but he didn't succeed.

"fi, pass me a crowbar."

she pulled a face, "i don't just have a crowbar kev. i can buy one, but i don't understand why we-"

he cut her off, "never mind."

kev grabbed the handle of the door, and kicked the bottom of the door. he had a strong feeling that something was going on. carlos never came home and went straight to his room, he would always at least say hello.

kevin kicked the door until there was a hole through the bottom pane of it, ignoring fiona's shouts to stop.

"kev! what the fuck?!"

he crawled through the gap, and once he got through, he saw his younger brother on the floor, hyperventilating, tears rolling down his face, and he was gasping for air. he was hugging his legs.

kev knew exactly what was happening. carlos was having a panic attack. this was something that happened sometimes due to his anxiety, but it hadn't happened in a while, alerting kev that it had been caused by something.

"hey- carlos. breathe, okay buddy."

kev crawled over to carlos and wrapped his arms around the boy, knowing that it calms him down.

"okay. look at me," kev spoke calmly, "look at me."

carlos turned his head, kev looked into his glassy eyes, "okay good. in and out. do it with me."

"in." he inhaled, "and out."

carlos tried to match his breaths, he was struggling but he managed to get them more slowed down than before.

"okay, that's good. three things you can see? keep breathing."

carlos tried to breathe, "uh- um..y-you, my b-ed, and my..lamp."

"that's good. three things you can hear?"

"uh.. you, my br-breathing, and a-a car outside." he struggled

"yeah there we go. almost there, okay? three things you can feel?"

"your hand, my legs, and the ac"

"there we go."

~~~~~
(693)

HEY. this chapter was confusing me, because i didn't know what to write :(

but, you learnt something new about carlos, so it's okay. i didn't really know how to write a panic attack either, even though i suffer with them, i still don't know how to describe them. so apologies if it confuses you, or it's badly written.

don't forget to vote! and feel free to give me your opinions and ideas if you have any!