First love

Little boy

My body started to ache, this dress wasn't for me. I wasn't pure bride anymore. I turned off the phone. It wasn't me I couldn't recognize myself. Someone was watching me through the mirror. I didn't know this man, he wasn't my wedding guest. He was an old man with white hair and mustache. His eyes were very familiar. It felt like home, but I don't know why. His face was damaged, I think it had been burnt in the past.
strange man: I can help you with this situation
me: which situation?
strange man: Norry, you know what I mean. I can help you with your feelings.
me: how do you know my name?
strange man: I think we don't have time for long talks.
me: tell me who you are and what you want.
He grabbed my hands, I got scared. I was shaking and screaming for help. Suddenly everything disappeared.
I was sitting in my high school class room. On the first desk. I don't know why, but I wasn't scared anymore. Somehow I knew exactly what day it was. It was the day I met Danny. Everyone was nervous, we couldn't wait to see our new classmate. Only thing we knew was that he was a boy. I wasn't interested in boys yet. Because I wasn't feeling myself,I thought I was ugly and maybe I was. I was a child inside and out, wasn't interested in clothes or my appearance. No one had ever loved me before. I remember thinking I wasn't worth loving.
Classroom door opened and he entered. He was wearing a blue shirt. Little straight nose, big full lips, brown warm eyes, short brunnete hair, long and skinny fingers, little did I know I would love touching this fingers with mine, and kissing this lips would put me through heaven every time I touched them. This moment was forever stuck in my head, but watching it in live action again was different. It felt amazing. I saw a little 15 year old boy who I loved with all my heart and who loved me unconditionally. Only difference was that I had forgotten how it felt to see a stranger in Danny's eyes. When he looked me in the eyes I couldn't feel love, I couldn't feel anything because he didn't know me. He was prettier than any girl in this school. Why would he ever like a girl like me. I didn't have any friends after Andy, who was my best friend til day one and who betrayed me. I couldn't find any friends as I didn't know how to communicate with anyone else but Andy. I wasn't a bright student and I didn't have a model face.

It was our first meeting. We went from haters to friends to lovers. Our points of views were different. He was homophobic, my first best friend after Andy and now my maid of honour Larry was gay. He had an anger issues and I was against anything that contained hatred. But I'm talking about my past self. Now hate is very familiar to me. So we didn't get along, but then exactly because I felt bad for everyone and I wanted to fix everything and every broken soul, I became friends with him. Only if I knew I would need someone to fix me in few months. I helped him study after lessons, I made him believe that Larry was gay but one of the best person he'd ever known, he was becoming a good person. I was proud of myself and him.
Classroom disappeared. I was sure I went crazy. I was time traveling or I was dead and this man was my guardian angel. I preferred first one but the second one was way more realistic. I wasn't even asking any questions to myself. I was just glad I left my wedding.

My childhood home. My room. Christmas movie on TV and phone in my hands. I wasn't sure what day it was. I was watching video of Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams's celebration kiss for winning an award, background music was Maroon 5's "She will be loved". I was listening to the lyric and thinking I will be loved, someday someone will choose me. Suddenly my phone called, it was Danny. Nothing was weird we were best friends. He told me to look out the window. Christmas time was my favorite period of the year. I was always very excited, I had listed movies and songs especially for this time of the year. Danny wasn't really that type of person. But for me he was trying and in the end I think he loved Christmas more than I did. In our city snow was very rare. So I always complained about it.
I stood up and looked out the window. Danny was standing in my yard and it was snowing. I was shocked. I was screaming as I ran downstairs. I went outside and hugged my best friend. Then I realized it was a fake snow, but it didn't matter, Danny was real and it was enough.
Danny: I really have to tell you something very important.
me:I'm listening.
Danny: I have feelings for a girl.
I knew I didn't love him but I remember I felt jealousy in my heart.
me: wow that's cool. Who is she?
Danny: she is younger than me.
me: is she from our school? do I know her?
Danny: Yes you know her very well.
yes, yes it's me I'm sure it's me.
Me: katy?
Danny: no you silly. It's you, of course it's you.
me: so you love me?
Danny: Yes I do with all my heart and I'm ready to change every detail you don't like about me.
Me: You don't need to change, You are already perfect.
Danny: So what do you feel?
Me: Only thing I know is that, the moment you told me you loved someone, I wanted you to say my name.

I don't remember the exact moment I fell for this boy, but I remember every moment of loving him. I remember how I felt as I walked back in my room, I ran up to my sister and screamed: "Danny loves me, he gifted me a snow, can you believe it?" My sister was watching from the window of course she already knew everything. I felt like the luckiest person in the world.
Next place was a cab, we were sitting in the back seat, he was holding my hand, I was watching our hands touching and I was sure these hands loved each other. He looked me in the eyes and everything disappeared. Only thing I could see was his eyes and lips. I wanted to touch those lips so bad, but I couldn't because real me didn't kiss him at this moment, so future me had to respect that. It was raining outside and for me this old, smelly cab stuck in the traffic was the most romantic place in the world. I already loved him but he still didn't know it. I don't know why I believed that Danny's bad side had disappeared. How could I believe he was brand new man with perfect personality.
Actually he was a damaged little boy, with childhood trauma and mommy issues, who was searching for a woman figure in his life, who would love him and take care of him.