Jojo's Crack Fic Adventure

Vamp snaps necks with his favorite son

Dio decided to escape horny jail underneath the ocean and emerged as a vampiric being. Where do I go next I wonder 😈☠️🤡 he wonders to himself.

He then remembers that he fucked multiple women and produced many spawns. The Giorno one seemed the most promising so he zipped his way to Italy.

Dio opened the door to the Giovanna household and saw a child standing there in front of him.

"Hello child. I'm your father btw"

Giorno blinked. "Padre?"

Dio nodded. "The other one is your step father. He's not as fabulous as me though 💅😉"

Giorno sat down on the floor. "Ho fame 🥣"

Dio crossed his arms. "Well let's go get sum to eat. We can go to this restaurant I saw 2 seconds ago before getting here. It's called alimenti deliziosi and we're going now!! 😃"

Giorno cheered while holding Dio's hand. Today is the day dio learns how to be a father!!?!!?!

Dio was careful to not fucking kill his child with his sharp ass cat walk bitch I look like I'm fresh off the runway finger nail stilettos that are actually real vampy claws. Giorno happily walked alongside him as Dio graced Giorno with his presence. If not for Dio he would definitely be starving rn.

"Okay child what would you like 😶‍🌫️" Dio asked while batting his eyelashes

"Tagliatelle per favore?"

"Uh yeah sureee" Dio responded while looking at the menu. He decided on some soda for the kid and some hard liquor for himself. The waiter came up and took their orders

"okay is that all for you two?" The waiter asked. Dio perked up his eyebrow. "Yessir now go"

The waiter wasted no time leaving.

"So son, why are you so smart at such an early age 🤯" Dio asked. Giorno fuck boy posed. "Sono troppo intelligente per questo mondo."

Dio was surprised by the amount of brain smartness juice this child had inherited. He knew coming to this bowl haircut looking ass was the right spawn to see. "I see. Well. Your mother and step father are treating you wrong so I'm gonna just kill them."

Giorno looked with a puzzled look. "Se ne vanno per sempre?"

Dio sighed. "Yes. They won't hurt you anymore."

Giorno seemed to lighten up after this. "Questo è bello da sentire!"

Dio was starting to grow attachment to his spawn so he decided to change tactics. Once they received their food Dio got a straw for his son to drink out of the soda easier.

"Do you eat well? You're scarfing down your food faster than a wolf eats the sheep 🥶"

"La mamma non mi nutre molto.."

Dio felt very angry all of a sudden. "Bitch we boutta fuck them up hardcore!! 🤬😾" he slammed his fat meaty hands on the table and got up. Throwing the bill onto the counter he grabbed Giorno and headed for the door. Now outside, he sped to Giorno's parents' house and let himself in.

The mom was sitting at a chair looking real fucked up from prob drugs when she looked up to see her past lover in front of her. "Oh shit Dio did you come back to fill my holes papi 😍😩"

Dio stunted his very cool nails and lined them up with her neck. "Bitch I'm boutta kill you. No chill just straight murder amirite"

One slice ended her miserable stinky life. Giorno huddled behind Dio. "Dove andrà ora?"