I Might Die, But That's Alright - ShinKami - TransDenki

Chapter Six

This chapter contains self harm, suicidal thoughts and mentions of rape.

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Denki slowly got changed, he didn't have to take off his binder right? He could leave it on and just put on the hoodie, make Shinsou think that he wasn't wearing it. But on the other hand, he wanted to have a good relationship with Shinsou this time around and lying is not a good way to gain someone's trust.

He took in a deep breath and reluctantly pulled the binder over his head. Once he was dressed in Shinsou's really fucking comfy clothes, he collected all of his clothed and folded them up into a neat pile, then walked out of the room and quietly shut the door behind him. When he crept down the unfamiliar stairs he accidently stepped on that one creaky stair that everyone has and winced at the noise and stood still for a while, waiting to be yelled at. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. When he opened then again he saw Shinsou observing him from the bottom of the stairs.

"You good dude?" he asked, blissfully unaware of Denki's internal panic. Denki took in another breath through his nose and forced a smile, he made his way down the stairs and nodded. Once he had reached the bottom he whispered, "Yeah I'm good."

Shinsou nodded and led the way to the lounge room, he flopped on the couch and turned on the TV, "What do you wanna watch?" he turned his head towards Denki and raised his eye-brows. The smaller boy just looked at him, he wasn't even trying so say anything, he was more comprehending that someone was asking for his opinion. "Kaminari? What do you want to watch?"

Denki snapped out of it and shook his head, "You choose. I'm bad at making decisions, always make the wrong ones." He looked at his lap and some tears sprang to his eyes. "It's just a movie, though. There isn't really any 'wrong decision'." Hitoshi countered.

Denki was suddenly annoyed at Hitoshi, and he get to his feet and started yelling at him. "Well! If it's 'just a movie' then why does my opinion matter? Hmm. Riddle he that Mr I'm so perfect." He got right up in Hitoshi's face who just raised his eye-brows in confusion, suddenly Denki took a deep breath and tears welled up in his eyes again, "Because you are perfect and I'm yelling at you because I'm a horrible person." He took in a large shaky breath and collapsed on Hitoshi's lap and began sobbing, "I'm sorry Shinsou. I didn't mean to yell."

Hitoshi took the wailing boy into his arms and hugged him close. Denki grappled onto Hitoshi's jumper and cried into the dark fabric; he was curled up in a ball like a cat. It took a while but eventually Denki calmed down, he technically exhausted himself crying and passed out on the insomniac.

And so, when the day was over, Mic and Aizawa returned home to find two boys curled up together on the couch. Mic was so happy and let out a quiet giggle, "Shouta, they're super cute." He giggled again and tugged on his husband's arm. "Shut up before you wake them up, God knows Hitoshi needs sleep."

Mic and Aizawa went around the house, just getting some general chores out of the way when they both stopped on the kitchen and found a plate that had a strawberry that was covered in a mysterious white sauce, they looked each other in the eye then looked back at the plate, "Yeah, that was Denki." a voice ripped through the quiet, scaring the shit out of both of the older men.

"What do you mean?" Aizawa questioned.

Hitoshi took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes as if he needed more mental strength to tell the story. "He started craving strawberries and mayonnaise. I had to take it away from him before he threw up again."

Hizashi looked disgusted while Aizawa looked thoughtful. "I think I tried that when I was pregnant with you." Hitoshi looked mortified, "But why did you say, 'threw up again'?" he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"He got a bout of morning sickness right after you left." Hitoshi shrugged and went to turn around and check on Denki when he heard a voice near his shoulder. "Why is it called morning sickness, when its all dang day?" he rubbed his belly and swallowed thickly. "I should head home now. Thanks for letting me stay with Shinsou today."

"You know that's not actually my last name." Denki looked up at him in confusion "My last name is Aizawa, we signed me up at U.A. with the last name 'Shinsou' so people wouldn't think that I'm related to a teacher and got in by special treatment." That shorter boy nodded than shook his head in confusion. "Why are you telling me this?" Hitoshi shrugged, "Giving Dad some time to think before you leave the house."

Aizawa took in a deep breath "I can't let you go back to your parent's problem child. Its not safe for you there." He took a step forward and reached out for Denki, who took a step back, "That's not your decision to make." He turned on his heel and made his way up to Hitoshi's room to get his clothes. When he came back down the stairs with his school clothes stuffed under his arm and his school bag slung over a shoulder, Aizawa and Mic were waiting at the front door, "You cant just kidnap your student." he barged past them while putting on his shoes and wrenched open the door. "See you tomorrow." He slammed the door behind himself and made his way down the street.

It took him less then a minute to get to his house seeing as it was just down the road from his teachers. When he got inside he was greeted by his Father and a slap across the face, "you're late." he growled.

"I'm sorry dad." He got another slap to the face.

"Don't talk to me. You have five minutes." Denki nodded and rushed up to his room. He was back in the living room and being dragged downstairs in less than two minutes.

Once again he was stripped and thrown around the room until he was deemed beaten up enough. He was used again and again, until the older man got bored of his toy and left the room.

Denki took that as the que to leave the room. On trembling legs, he got up and made his way up the stairs and into the bathroom where he got in the shower and washed himself off. He was scrubbing at his sore skin when his eyes fell on a silver blade just sitting next to the sink.

You should use it. The voice in his head said.

I don't want to.

Why not?

I'll hurt myself.

That's the point kid.

I guess you're right.

He heaved out a sigh and reached for the blade, he pressed it against the skin of is forearm and hesitated before pressing the blade into his skin and drawing a few small drops of blood, not enough to drip but enough to be visible.

Is that it? Weak. You can do more than that. You can go deeper than that. Here, I'll count with you; one for being weak, two for being the dumbest friend.

Denki cut another line into his arm.

Three for being useless, the voice continued, and Denki cut into his arm again.

Good, now deeper this time. Four for not Being able to get him off you. Five for being a burden, and six just for fun.

Now there was blood pouring from his wrist and he didn't care, he wanted it all to end. He stepped into the shower and watched the water become tinted red with blood.

Suddenly a realisation struck him. 'Shit.' He thought 'Shit shit shit.' He repeated the word in his head. He was struggling to comprehend the fact that he had just cut his arms. 'This is bad, this is really bad.' he was trying to stem the flow of blood while washing his body at the same time 'What is I gat addicted to it? What happens then? Do I just slice my arms whenever I feel like it?'

That's exactly it.

"FUCK."