Not Yet Alone

Chapter 19

For God so loved the word that he gave his only son...

That is what my entire existence is about.

...that whosoever believes in him...

The funny thing is, my existence has never been about me.

...shall not die...but have everlasting life.

God came so that my life could amount to something, and when my existence comes to an end, I won't be alone. Just because I chose to trust God.

****

Ruby red. It surrounded and covered me. It covered me and everything I had done.

Then I saw him. It was then that I knew that I am sitting face to face with God himself.

"Am I dead?" I asked meekly.

"That information is currently irrelevant," Was my response.

"Oh," I said softly. I would really like to have my question answered, but who am I to question God?

"I'm proud of you." Well, I certainly was not expecting that.

"Are you proud that I used my gift to cheat for my own benefit? Or that I lied because of my gift?" I feel ashamed of myself. When I did those things, I definitely wasn't thinking about later. But here I am, in front of the King of kings, regretting every minute of it.

"Taylor, you're human. Humans make mistakes."

"But you don't." I hate my sin, every single bit of it.

"I know you're not perfect, but I still love you for who you are."

I don't know why God is being so nice to me; I don't deserve it. He should be waving a big stick and yelling at me. A tear slipped down my face, but I wiped it away in embarrassment.

"Why did you give me that gift? There are so many other better people in the world. Any of them would have been a better choice than me" Since I could read people's minds, I knew that there were people who made sure that every breath they took honored God. They constantly read their Bible and sacrificed a part of their lives for God.

I just lie.

"I didn't give you a gift just because you were a good person. But when you had that ability, you realized your potential and became the person who you could have been." God told me.

"But I'm not a good person." I cried. "There was no point in giving that to me. I just wasted that ability."

"When you were young, you could only see with your eyes. I wanted you to look beyond what your eyes could see."

"Beyond what my eyes could see?" If that is what God had wanted, then he must be really disappointed. I have no idea how I can see something if I can't see it.

"Yes, I wanted you to look at the world with your heart."

Did I ever look at the world with my heart? I definitely saw the world differently.

Before, all I could see was the person. My only way of knowing them was how they talked, looked and acted. Once I could read their mind, I understood who they were better. I knew why they said the things they did, why they dressed the way they did, and why a person did the things that they did.

It became hard for me to judge someone when I already understood what they had been through.

"Just because I understood people better doesn't mean that I ever amounted to anything." I said.

"No, it doesn't." He agreed with me. "But I know you better, and I'm proud of you."

"Why do you keep saying that? I have done nothing worthy of praise." I said. I feel that it is rather obvious that I have sinned quite a bit in my life.