Hold on for Dear Love

13

A couple weeks or so pass, and Billie is spending the day at her best friend, Zoe's house.
"I don't know my dude, there's just something about her that I hate." Billie tells Zoe referring to Karissa.
"Why are you so obsessed with hating Karissa?" Zoe asks.
"I'm not obsessed with hating her!!" Billie argues  back.
Zoe shakes her head and laughs to herself then starts to say, "is it cause you are starting to like...."
"Don't you even go there." Billie says, "can't I just hate someone?! God! Everyone's so annoying" 
"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted... I'm just wondering if you are forcing yourself to hate her because you don't want to get hurt again. It's a valid reason and I've just never known you to say you hate someone so much, especially someone who is a fan of yours." Zoe tells her.
The atmosphere in the room suddenly becomes serious,
"Now let's say you're right and I am starting to catch feelings for her...What if she leaves me just like Anna did?" Billie asks Zoe.
Zoe grabs Billie's hands to get her full attention,
"Billie, don't take this the wrong way but maybe thinking of it like this will help... how many times have you been a bitch to her when she was only trying to help?" She asks.
"A lot..."Billie says
"Okay, and how many times has she gotten upset and you, mistreated you, or disrespected you in anyway." Zoe asks Billie
"None..." she reply's
"She also was the one who found you after you tried to commit suicide and called 911, she hasn't left your side since.." Zoe says
"Okay but..." Billie tries to interrupt.
"I'm not finished yet." Zoe tells her, "what happened with Anna was a traumatic tragedy, is not something that's common but it happened. Not everyone you love will die like that. If anything the relationship will end in a normal breakup but with how many times you've told Karissa you hate her and belittled her... I don't think much will scare her off..."
"Do you think I should talk to her about it?" Billie asks.
"I think you should start with a much needed apology." Zoe tells her.
"You're right you're right." Billie says in defeat.
"Come on let me drive you home." Zoe says standing up from the couch and grabbing her keys.
Once they get to Billie's house Billie flings the door open and yells.
"KARISSA WE NEED TALK!"
To which Zoe reply's after rolling down the car window , "be nice.."
Then drives away leaving Billie to fix the mess she started.
"What is it now Billie?" Karissa asks, sounding very unimpressed and tired of Billie's shit.
She loves Billie to death, who wouldn't? Billie is such a likable person, well usually she's such a likable person. Karissa just is tired of being treated poorly by someone who she once idolized and admired from afar.  She continues to give her grace though since she knows Billie is going through way more than anyone should have too.
"Can we go up to my room so we can talk privately?" Billie asks, sending Karissa into a slight panic because Billie never acts like this.
"Ummm yeah sure of course." She says back.
Once they get into Billie's room Billie shuts the door behind her.
"Is everything okay?" Karissa asks Billie.
Billie sighs, "look I'm sorry for being such a.. such a.."
"Bitch?" Karissa answers for her.
"For lack of better words yes." Billie tells her.
"It's okay, don't worry about it. I just want to know why, if you wanted me to leave or something I could ask your mom to find someone else to help out around the house.." Karissa tells Billie.
"I'm not proud of how I've treated you and there really isn't a good excuse for why. I think the main reason is cause..." Billie starts to say, she paces around the room while Karissa stands still listening to every word she says.
"Ah shit..." Billie says as she starts to cry.
Karissa walks up to Billie and holds her hands,
"Billie, don't be so hard on yourself. You've gone through so much with depression, an eating disorder, and now losing someone who meant so much to you. Trust me, I don't hold anything against you Billie." She says and let's go of Billie's hands.
"I appreciate that a lot, really do. I just... it's just.... I think I'm catching feelings for you and it's fucking terrifying. I can't fall in love again, I can't date anyone else even though my heart yearns for it." Billie blurts out.
Karissa is now crying, "Oh Billie dear, come here!" She says opening her arms. Billie practically falls into them and sobs into Karissa's chest "I'm sorry I'm so sorry" over and over. Karissa runs her fingers through Billie's hair telling her that is okay and she doesn't need to be sorry.
Eventually Billie looks up and her eyes meet Karissa's, "I think I'm falling for you too." Karissa admits then says, "We don't have to be in a relationship at all or we can wait until you're ready. I will wait as long as you need, we can take things as slow as you want. I'm not expecting you to be okay overnight." Karissa says.
"Thank you. I really don't deserve you."Billie says, whipping the tears away and laughing a little.
"There's that beautiful smile." Karissa tells Billie.  To most people, it would seem like Billie was moving on too fast and maybe those people are right. It's hard to know what's right in situations like this, there isn't a handbook for such things. So, Billie is just trying her best to live in the moment and do what feels right for her in that second. She hasn't forgotten about Anna, not in the very slightest but she is learning to live with the pain. The pain doesn't go away, it doesn't fade, she just is learning how to live with it and not let the pain control how she lives.