The Hidden Tears | A BTS Fan Fiction | Book 1 ✔

Chapter 51 : Secret Fears

•30 July 2021•
Firday

Jin entered the loud room, his head shaking as he eyed the youngest three laughing and teasing each other about something that he better not ask. Jungkook was allowed to go back home this very morning after spending four days at the hospital and the bunny boy couldn't be more happy. For some reason he despised hospitals more than he despised maths.

"Time for lunch boys, head down."

"Hyung, can we all have lunch here? Together?" Jungkook asked, not at all pleased by the idea of everyone having their food downstairs while he is served in his room. He didn't want to feel lonely. "With Eunjae... "

The words got Jin to look at the youngest with a sympathetic look. Ever since the accident Jungkook hadn't seen Eunjae even once. The girl wouldn't leave any chance to ask about his condition but completely refused to see him, having new excuses everytime. They all haven't really talked about whatever happened that day to Jungkook or Eunjae but they for sure got briefings from the officers that were assigned the case.

Apparently, the Seoul Crime Department received an anonymous email telling about how the car Eunjae would be driving today will be fixed with a time bomb, along with the information about new trainer who will accompany her. The case would now be headed by Jackson Wang, the head detective, and his team who were ready to come here and question Eunjae any moment. The only thing stopping them was Eunjae's request for privacy for a few days.

"She won't come Jungkook."

"But why hyung?" The youngest cried out in frustation. "What have I even done now? I saved her for God's sake and she can't even manage out some time to check upon me?"

"She isn't doing too good Jung-"

"I AM NOT TOO! I am not doing good too hyung! I'm here regretting all the times I treated her wrong and want to apologize to her but she isn't ready to even spare me a glance." He took a deep breath, his eyes once again becoming home to tears that he was tired of shedding and wiping off. "I miss her hyung. So fucking much."

He wasn't lying, neither now nor when he said he the he wants to treat her right that day. He has been crying at nights in the embrace of Jin, telling how much he wants to punch his past self for being so selfish, explaining what made him behave so rude to her. He was afraid. Afraid of her leaving them like Jiyoung, afraid of getting attached to someone who won't feel the same way for him. He feared that the history would repeat itself and he'll watch his hyungs falling apart.

He didn't want to witness his brothers trying to end their lives. He didn't want Jin to over-exhaust himself to get his mind off the heavy events of life and stress himself over the condition of his younger brothers.

He didn't want to see Yoongi blaming himself for not being enough and for making his sister feel like she didn't belong with them and he got all their love. He didn't want to get in that unforgettable fight with Yoongi once again.

He hated to imagine Hoseok trying to take sleeping pills in order to kill himself. He didn't want to experience the call which informed him about Hoseok being found conscious on streets once again.

He had seen enough of Namjoon trying to stay strong for them when is reality he was dying from inside, enough of him trying to pull on that 'I'm fine' mask.

He didn't want Jimin to console everyone's crying self when the boy had himself tried to drown in water. He didn't want his hyung to give up eating thinking it'll burn away the pain that's inside of him.

He would never want to spend a night crying in front of Taehyung's operation room, not knowing if his brother will wake up again or not. Just the thought of Taehyung's bloody hands and falling off the building can send shiver down his spine.