Thank you all for bearing with the wait!
Sa mga nangangamusta at nagtatanong kung buhay pa ako, sa mga nagsesend ng encouraging messages, sa mga nagpapadala ng death threats... you guys have no idea how much you make me – albeit twistedly – happy.
I know I'm doing an awful job with keeping up with the updates, I know... I just want to point out that this whole thing isn't an easy lay or a one night stand or even a summer fling – it's a freakin' commitment and has been for almost two good years now (EDI WOW).
Like any relationship, writing MVPiaB isn't this magical thing that just happens – it's work. Work that I love, yes, but work all the same. But I do care about it enough to keep it going, and at the very least, I want you guys to recognize that. ♡
This chapter is kind of text-heavy, please bear with me!
Always,
Coco x
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THIRTY TWO
I seemed to have woken up at the wrong side of life.
Sa kalagitnaan ng gabi ay nagising ako nang dahil sa ingay, the wind outside was swooshing and whooshing so fiercely, kahit 'yung mga sanga ng mga puno sa bahay namin ay pumapagaspas at nagwawala na.
Grabe, pati ba naman 'tong attempt ko na makatulog ng mahimbing, hahadlangan pa rin ng kung anong negative force?
Geezus, I wonder what it's like to have a peaceful life, I sighed as I rolled out of my bed. Drawing my curtains, siniyasat ko ang kalagayan ng outside world, I checked how bad the rain was, and the splattered droplets rolling down my window was enough of an indication that this heavy downpour won't be stopping anytime soon. Perfect. Kahit 'yung panahon ay miserable na. Well, at least may karamay ako sa pagiging emo.
My mood was not much improved by all that sleeping and crying, naiyak ko na yata lahat-lahat ng contents ng tear glands ko pati na lamang fluids sa katawan ko pero wala pa rin itong naidulot na kaginhawaan sa buhay ko.
Kung ilalarawan ko ang feelings ko ngayon ay isa sigurong matinding understatement ang salitang "sad," because boy, it went way even past that. If I could just sink and hide under my sheets and shut off my eyes, ears, and brain, and just lie there until nothing existed anymore, I would've, but I didn't want to dwell on this anymore... being pathetic and all that. Ayaw ko nang manatili sa lugmok phase na ito ng aking pagluluksa.
Nalasap niya ang matinding bitch fit ko just a few hours ago, I just... I felt so mad that I got into this blind rage, ni hindi ko na nga masyadong maalala mga ginawa't pinagsasabi ko eh. Sari-saring mga variants ng kamalasan ang natikman ko, and when so many bad things happen to you like that, you, well... you just start to lose faith in everything.
But what the hell, the world has bigger problems than my life's series of MMK-huhu-moments. I heaved a deep exhale, at habang kinukusot ko ang namumugto kong mga mata ay sinubukan ko na mag-isip ng pwedeng mapagkaabalahan.
I could always go back to sleep, yeah, but I didn't trust my brain. No, not at this moment. Baka kung saan pa siya dumako, and I didn't want the risk of thinking about certain, um, thoughts.
I mentally recounted my freshly whipped up to-do list: 1. Stress-clean, 2. Stress-eat, 3. Stay sane, 4. Stress-eat... tama, kailangan ko ng isang malahiganteng tub ng ice cream ngayon, because ice cream doesn't ask silly questions. Ice cream understands.
Sinimulan ko na ang pagpupulot ng clutter at useless stuff na nagkukubli sa sulok-sulok na parte ng sahig ko at unti-unti ko nang tinahak ang tuwid na daan patungo sa ice cream. Sunod kong pinag-initan ang closet ko, it was supposed to be arranged in a color-coded manner, kaya naman isa-isa kong hinila't isinaayos 'yung mga damit na naligaw ng landas.
