Hi! As always, thank you for your patience with me! Please continue wearing your masks, remember to drink your vitamins, stay hydrated and be safe. Happy Holidays! ♡
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FORTY-TWO
He's the worst. He's the worst. He's the absolute worst.
The same thought ran in an endless loop inside my head as I paced the length of my room, where I locked myself up after getting off the phone with Key. My nails were digging into my palms as my hands kept curling into fists; my bottom lip was probably bruised by now because I can't seem to stop chewing on it.
I felt angry and lost, and to some extent, defeated.
Kahit sawang-sawa na akong umiyak, maalala ko lang iyong usapan namin sa phone kanina, pakiramdam ko, kahit bahagyang udyok lang ay bibigay nanaman ako at magbi-breakdown. Pumikit ako't pinilit huminga ng malalim para subukang pigilan ito.
As my eyelids shrouded my vision, I was left with nothing but emptiness, the void making the myriad of emotions that consumed me all at once even more pronounced and inescapable.
An involuntary whimper came out of my lips as I fought to temper my emotions. Kung anuman ang natitira ko pang katinuan ay mukhang mauubos na talaga ngayon dahil dito.
Damn him. He took and took whatever he wanted when he dared to barge and wedge his way into my life, but now that I was the one asking, why did it appear as though I was being made to beg for scraps and he couldn't even match my efforts and feelings?
My breath started to come out in heaves as I exhaled. Lalo lang sumama ang loob ko at pakiramdam ko tuloy ay ang sama ko — nawalan na nga ng magulang si Keith Kato at ang sarili ko pa rin ang inuuna ko. My emotions came across as being inconsequential and I knew they didn't even feel valid compared to the sorrow his family was currently going through.
As I continued walking around my room, I sucked on my lower lip between my teeth a little too aggressively and the taste of something metallic spilled onto my tongue.
Hindi ko binigyang pansin ang pagdugo ng labi ko. Napatingin din ako sa bintana na kumukoneta sa kwarto ko at balcony nito, at naalala ko bigla ang gabi kung kailan nagmala-akyat-bahay si Key rito, bago siya pumunta ng Canada. I turned my head away to banish the memory.
Through my peripheral vision, I caught sight of my wall clock and I didn't have to read it to know that it was already quite deep into the night. May ilang oras na rin siguro akong nagmumukmok dito sa kwarto ko matapos ang tawag ni Key.
Before our call ended — after he told me he still wasn't ready to open up to me — he promised he'd reach out to me right after sorting things out with his family, but some part of me feared that soon enough, I'd be left with nothing but silence and uncertainty once more.
Hindi ako mapakali at sobrang balisa ko pa rin. I felt sick to the stomach, knowing that something was wrong and there was nothing I could do to fix it. The thought of my helplessness got caught in my throat, leaving it aching, and I had to swallow heavily to dislodge it.
Napahinto ako sa paghakbang nang bigla akong nakarining ng kung anong kaluskos sa labas ng kwarto ko. Puzzled, I sniffled and attempted to ignore my misery for a bit to concentrate on the sound of movements seeping in through my door.
Lumayo ang mga tunog pero nagpatuloy pa rin kaya nagtaka na ako. Nakauwi na ba ang parents ko at si Grammy?
I stepped out of the false sense of security my room had offered and descended the flight of stairs. Lumakad-takbo na ako at pagbaba ko ay may narinig akong kumalansing na baso't sinundan ko ang mga ingay hanggang marating ko ang bar sa dining room.
