Hello! I'm still alive! Sorry for the wait, nag procrastinate talaga 'ko sa pagsulat nito kasi I was so scared to mess it up.
Also, newsflash: this is not the final part. Please don't kill me! I tried to wrap everything up in this chapter pero hindi ako satisfied with it. These characters and you guys who chose to stick with me for years deserve more than a rushed ending.
Sa projection ko, if I'm aiming for it to come out semi-decently, the conclusion will happen between chapters 42-45, but take this with a grain of salt. Even I no longer trust myself at this point. Haha who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
P.S. I'm sure you're aware by now that I'm terrible at this — vaguely gestures my hand around the room — I dunno, whatever it is that writers do, so meet me with low expectations na lang para di kayo madisappoint and masurpise na lang kayo if you actually end up liking the ending hahaha lol iyon lang thanks for coming to my Ted talk!
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FORTY
When I opened my eyes, I was briefly lost in the pleasant moment between sleeping and waking where there is no memory. Sa kasamaang palad ay hindi ito nagtagal.
Reality came crashing down on me and I could do nothing but live with it. Sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam ko, everything hurt and nothing felt right, pero pinilit ko ang sarili na pumasok sa klase.
Sigurado naman ako na lalo lang akong magiging miserable sa bahay dahil wala akong ibang gagawin dito kundi isipin lahat ng mga nangyari. Lahat ng mga maling desisyon ko, at mga nagawa ko sana para maagapan ang mga ito. My head can really be my worst enemy, sometimes.
Napaaga ang dating ko sa school kaya dumiretso muna ako sa Student Council room para magpalipas ng oras. Hinubad ko ang isang strap ng backpack ko at ibinaling ang tingin ko roon para kalkalin ang susi ng nasabing kwarto, na kumalansing nang dukutin ko ang Milo-furnished Pringles keychain nito.
I halted my steps on muscle memory and without looking up, alam kong narating ko na ang SC room. Nang inangat ko ang susi para i-shoot sana sa doorknob ay natigilan ako dahil may hindi kanais-nais na presensya ang nagparada ng sarili sa tapat ng pinto.
I put on the other strap of my bag, its comfortable weight digging into my shoulder and crossed my arms.
"Are you lost?" tanong ko sa nakaharang na si Ha Rina, na pastime yata ang maging asungot sa buhay ko.
I never really cared about my height before, but at that moment, even if I knew it was petty, I still whispered a silent prayer of thanks because I did not want to be the one looking up to her. Not now. Not ever. "I hope you're not here dahil may kailangan ka sa'kin."
Her fingers that were interlaced over her chest fidgeted as she stared at them. Ilang beses niya muna silang kinurapan bago niya tinaas ang tingin niya sa akin.
"I'm sorry," she said, her voice barely a whisper.
"Talaga?" sagot ko, then I hummed and tilted my head to one side. "Why are you sorry?"
There was a measure of control and awareness there that I hadn't realized I was capable of exercising. I wanted to hurt her, the way she hurt me and Key. Maybe even more, kasi iyon ang deserve ng pakialamerang bruhang ito.
"Dahil ba umalis si Keith Kato?" I supplied for her when she didn't answer. "Aww, ayan tuloy hindi mo alam kung kailan mo siya ulit makikita."
Bumuntong-hininga siya. For a second I wondered what it had cost her to come here and apologize to me but I didn't really entertain the thought. Wala ako sa mood para unawain at intindihin ang feelings ng isang ito ngayon.
