A Forsaken path

Chapter Six (Anna thinks)

They say everyone has a talent, something they're good at. That's what we're told at school, at church and even at home and it's almost true, almost. Everybody except me. I don't have anything I'm good at. I'm not special in anyway. Only my mom seems to think so. My dad doesn't think college is for me. I'm graduating next year. Everyone has been talking about college and dreams and I'm just here. It's sad.

My dad says I should get a job at one of the shops in town. He'll buy me a small car if I don't want the truck. My car is getting old. He says If I'm lucky I'll find a good husband who'll buy us both a nice house and cars and maybe if he's rich enough I'll be able to travel out of this country one day. I'll have good kids, well raised and I'll live a completely normal life.

Problem is, for me? That's a sentence to hell. Ari is applying to Stanford or at least was. Her dad went to Stanford, leaving her with excellent recommendation. He was a basketball player too. She has never gotten less than A in her entire life. She's perfect. Sometimes I wish I were her. I don't want to be stuck in this town. The thought of that prospect is suffocating. I want an exciting life. I've decided next year when it's time to make a choice at what do with the rest of my life, whatever I pick will not involve this town. I still can't believe my mom is having a child and Ari's dad is back! There seems to be so much happening but I do not find any of it exciting. A new baby means dirty diapers, sleepless nights and more chores. Thanks but no, thanks. Not interested. I've got enough on my plate already. She finally decided to tell me after apologizing for last night. Now there is an explanation. Hormones

Oh Frederick, my handsome Frederick, my one true love. He called me last night. We spoke for hours. In my dream. In reality, the conversation hardly lasted five minutes. I don't know what's wrong with us. We love each other and yet we are so distant from each other. He pushes me out. He's always cold and yet I know he loves me. Our relationship is like the only light in my life and yet even it, looks gloomy. I wonder what he's hiding. Even more, I wonder if he'll take my threat seriously. I'll always know he loves me whether or not he invites me to his house but I'm serious. If he can't let me in, this whole thing we  might as well just be over.

Uncle Aaron is coming by on Thursday. We are having a family dinner. He is the only other family member we seem to have. He's coming with Aunt Sarah and the kids. Jerry and Lilah. I love them.

I wonder how everyone else sees me. I wish i could see myself through the eyes of others. It's sick to think the way i do, but I can't help it. Everyday, I get this feeling that something is going to change soon and I'll wish i had this life back, but that seems impossible. How could i possibly have a life worse than this? No dreams, No future and No hope. A time will come. I'll want it all back? nahh.

It's Monday,

and

I can't wait to go through Ari's book again.