Chapter 4

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Chapter 4
    A loud rapping on my bedroom door stirred me from my peaceful slumber. I groaned loudly as I rolled over, tucking my head under my pillow. Despite the late night antics, I actually managed to sleep wonderfully; however, I didn’t plan on giving my sleep up so easily.
    “It’s time for breakfast, Max.” Terry spoke gently. “I’m here to escort you to the kitchen.”
    If it would have been anyone else at my door, I probably would have groaned or maybe burrowed deeper under my blankets; however, I leaned up and smiled across the room at the security guard standing in my doorway.
    “There he is. How’re you feeling this morning, Max?”
    I stretched in the bed before awkwardly leaning over my bed to grab a shirt from the floor. It was amazing that in one full day, I already made my new room a total mess. “I’m feeling ok,” I answered honestly while choosing to leave out the fact that I actually felt pretty dang good. Throwing my legs over the bed, I jumped to my feet.
    “Ready for breakfast?” The smile on Terry’s lips wasn’t enough to shake the almost ominous feeling those three words held.
    Shrugging, suddenly feeling a knot twist in my gut, I rubbed my eyes. “Well,” I began as the knot in my stomach mixed with a horrible sense of embarrassment, “I actually kinda need to pee.”
    Terry smiled but quickly covered his face with his hand; though, his smile still danced over his eyes. “I’ll escort you then.” He stepped aside as I awkwardly slid past him. I found myself staring at my feet as we walked to the bathroom. The door was open as usual.
    Stepping inside, Terry followed me in, shutting the door behind him. Thankfully, the bathroom was set up much like a public restroom and had a single stand up urinal and a small cubical with walls as white and sterile as everything else in this place.
    Choosing the more practical option, at least to me, I went into the stall, shutting the door behind me. As I stood to pee, I couldn’t bring myself to actually do my business. It had to be the fact that there was a man standing not too far away with the ability to hear every single noise I made.
    “Can you talk or something?” I said with a groan. “I can’t pee if I know that you’re listening.”
    Terry chuckled, and I could just imagine the smile on his perfect lips. “How’re you feeling after your little escapade with the boys?”
    I rolled my eyes but couldn’t resist the temptation to smile; however, I still couldn’t actually pee. “Surprisingly,” I began, “I feel pretty great. They’re interesting characters.”
    “To say the least,” Terry retorted.
    I chuckled, finally able to release the fluids in my body.
    “Who is your favorite in the house so far?” Terry asked; however, I figured he asked more so to fill the air than he actually wanted to know.
    Pulling up my pants, I opened the door and shrugged at a very smiley Terry. “I’ll tell you right now that it’s not Ruth; she scares the living crap out of me.”
    Terry shushed me dramatically. “She may be listening. You never know when she’ll pop up.” We laughed together as I washed my hands. “Honestly though, which of the boys do you like better?”
    As I dried my hands, I smiled up at the security guard. “Besides you?” Terry’s grin grew wider at that, but I went on. “It’s still a little early to tell, but I think I’ll get along more with Steven.”
    Terry led me out of the bathroom as we made our way through the hallway and down the stairs. “Really? Are you sure you don’t want to be best friends for life with Rich?”
    I stopped in my tracks and squinted an eye at him dangerously. “You’re kidding, right?”
    Terry bit his bottom lip to keep his grin at bay as he shook his head. “You should consider yourself lucky though. Rich seems to like you from what I can tell. If he didn’t, he would be making your life a living hell right now.”
    I lifted a brow as I tried to imagine what kind of hell Rich had put the other boys before me through. Somehow, I found it difficult to picture the skeletal boy all that intimidating, but I didn’t want to question it too much. I had an inkling feeling that Rich could be as slinky as a snake. “He can’t be that bad.”
    Terry stopped as we neared the kitchen. I could ear muffled voices and a very clear voice that belonged to no one other than our very own Ruth shone above the others like a beacon in the night. “Stop tapping your leg, Geoffrey! You know that isn’t going to burn enough calories to do anything!” She sounded utterly frustrated, and I found myself swallowing gritty sand.
    “Hey,” he began as he knelt down, bringing his massive stature to my miniscule level, “look at me, Max.” I found my entire body quivering as he placed a hand on my shoulder delicately. It almost felt like if he touched me too roughly, I would fall to pieces like a dandelion in the wind. “Where are you going? Stay here with me.”
    I stared into the deep chocolate pools of his eyes and blinked back tears. There was no way this man could possibly understand my fear of eating, my obsession with my idea of perfection, or my totally crushing fear of gaining weight; however, as Terry’s eyes shimmered with a sadness I couldn’t comprehend, I felt that despite all this, Terry tried his best.
    How could a man I just met seem to care so deeply and honestly about some poor pathetic twig boy?
    “I’m here,” I said as I swallowed down my tears. “I’m here.”
    “Don’t look so terrified, ok? You’re eyes give you away, Max. They’re so innocent and true. I can see everything through them; I can see the pain that you tried to hide with a smile.” He took a deep breath. “I see you. When you think that no one can possibly see you through the mess around you, remember that I will always be able to see you.”
    My heart climbed into my chest as Terry slid his fingers around my wrist. It was impossible how easily they circled around my frame s he pulled me to my feet. “Now, get in there and put up a fight.”
    The air grew still with the silence urgency of words I couldn’t bring myself to speak. I wanted to tell Terry thank you for his kind words, but no matter how much I tried, the simple words didn’t cover the feeling in my chest. “I will,” I managed to say with a cracking voice.
    With that, Terry smiled down at me and led me into the kitchen. When I stepped into the rich air, my stomach instantly begged for what I refused to give it. The scent of actual food filled my senses. Immediately, I picked out the buttery smell of waffles.
    Waffles were by far the best food on the entire planet. Before I gave into my problems, I practically lived off them.
    As if the boys could sense my arrival like a drop of blood in a shark tank, they all turned to me as I stepped through the doorway; however, Ruth was quick to correct them. “Everyone get back to eating.” Her tone was one that could stab right through someone’s soul. “Here, Max, sit next to Steven. I’ll bring you your food.” Ruth practically snatched me away from Terry.
    I turned around as he offered me one last smile before he left the room. He hesitated for just a second before stepping through the doorway. Before I knew it, I was sitting next to a very straight faced Steven and across from a very pissed Rich. Geoffrey sat beside Rich as he continued to bounce his leg and toy with his food.
    Ruth came back all too quickly and slid a plate in front of me with two waffles topped with a handful of blueberries and sliced strawberries. She also gave me a medium sized bowl that held what looked like almonds, walnuts, more berries, strawberries, sliced bananas, and what looked like cubed honeydew melon.
    As I blinked down at the food that she placed before me, she poured me a tall glass of what smelled like nutty almond milk. There was no way in the entire would I would be able to eat all of this.
    “The syrup is on the table if you want it, and you won’t be leaving here until your plate is cleaned.” Ruth’s voice remained as domineering as usual as she read my mind.
    I found myself looking around; all the boys were staring at me, Ruth’s eyes seemed to be fixated on me, and a robust woman with a healthy glow to her skin seemed to stare right through me. It felt as if she looked at me, but didn’t have the time of day to actually look at me.
    “That’s Chloe,” Ruth began as she read my mind once more. “You’ll be seeing a lot of her; she is your dietician and is responsible for preparing the meals for you boys.”
    Feeling horribly awkward, I muttered a, ‘Nice to meet you,” sheepishly.
    She smiled a smile that didn’t touch her blank eyes then went back to whatever menial tasks she had at hand.
    My heart still beat rapidly in my chest, and as I met the eyes of my fellow skinny boys, my anxiety only increased. I let my eyes fall down to the plate before me and couldn’t resist the shiver that clawed its way down my spine. Repulsion and horror filled my senses as I took a fork in hand. I opted out to the syrup because I knew it would only add onto the calorie count.
    I knew that the waffles had to have at least two hundred calories each, in a cup of strawberries, there were about fifty calories, there were roughly one hundred calories in a banana, and the blueberries had around eighty calories in a cup. That put my total calorie intake just from those few things at around six hundred and thirty calories.
    Somewhere in my mind, I felt that I could force myself to be at ease with that number. There were ways to burn off calories without having to purge; however, when I added in the horrible nuts, the almonds alone added over eight hundred calories in a single cup! Once I mentally calculated that with the six hundred and fifty from the walnuts as well, I could literally feel my stomach lurching at the slightest idea of putting this food in my mouth.
    I couldn’t even bring myself to calculate the almond milk into the equation; it felt too depressing.
    This meal alone, breakfast, stood at nearly two thousand one hundred calories! On a typical day, I limited myself to a meager four hundred, and most days, that felt like too much. How in the world did these people, these monsters, expect me to consume that many calories without putting up a single fight?
    The horror reached my eyes as I stared forward, meeting the defiant gaze that belonged to Rich. He stared back at me with an all knowing glimmer in his eye; he knew exactly the turmoil rushing through my mind.
    “Richard!” Ruth snapped loudly. “You have to eat!” It was evident that she went through this ballet performance with Rich all too regularly.
    Rich smiled widely as he pushed his plate away from him. “Nah, Ruth, I really don’t feel like eating this morning; I’m watching my figure.”
    Ruth’s ears burned two shades darker as her cheeks blushed with frustration. “You aren’t leaving here until that plate is cleaned.”
    Rich simply shrugged as he eyed me. For some reason, it felt like he was almost daring me to stand up to Ruth. The fire behind his dark brown eyes seemed to bore into me, threatening to ignite the rage in my soul; however, I blinked away and found myself staring at a totally defeated Geoffrey.
    His long hair was thrown up haphazardly in a pony tail. His entire body seemed to shake violently as he tapped his leg with a sense of urgency like I had never seen before. As he nibbled on his food, his elegant face twisted in utter repulsion. He seemed to chew his food at least a few hundred times before taking a deep breath and forcing himself to swallow.
    He would then sit his fork down and close his eyes only to pick his fork back up again and do it all over again.
    I watched the model’s routine carefully, noticing how he seemed to tone out the entire world around him. In that moment, Geoffrey only seemed to be aware of himself.
    Ruth’s voice once again entered my brain as she placed a hand on my shoulder. “This all has to be a bit overwhelming for you, Max, but this is something you have to do. We only have your best interest at heart.”
    I wanted to scoff, to scream, to do anything.
    I wanted to throw my plate at the wall and storm out of the room; I wanted to sink in my seat and just cry out of frustration.
    Ruth was right; though, I doubted the extent of how much she cared about us.
    This was all too overwhelming.
    Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and sliced blindly into my waffles. Without much thinking, I shoved it into my mouth and began to chew; however, as the rich flavor of the food coated my tongue, I forced myself to swallow.
    Instantly, the urge to gag rose like black bile, but I swallowed a few hundred times and chased it down with a tiny sip of almond milk. Everything tasted too rich, too strong.
    Placing my fork down, my brain told me I was done. There was no way in the world I could eat all this food with so many people around me watching my every single move. Suddenly, all I wanted was to have Terry by my side whispering all the little things I needed to hear; however, he wasn’t here.
    Instead, all I had were my skinny boys and a bunch of people who said they cared but didn’t truly mean it.
    My head was so jumped as I sank deeper into my chair; tears threatened to fall, and at that point, I didn’t see much point in even trying to hold them back. Every single aspect of my life was a jumped mess; there was no making order out of any of it.
    What was the point?
    Everything my life threw at me, all the trials and tribulations, brought me to this point: being locked up in a house with people in similar circumstances as me while being force fed as they try to beat it into our skulls that they care about us.
    If they truly cared about us, they would understand how that shoving food down our throats was not the correct way; they wouldn’t shove food down our throats if they knew how horrible it made us feel.
    I wanted to give up; I had nothing left to give, nothing left to work for. My heart was beating so rapidly, and my breathing seemed so shallow that I felt at any moment, I would just pass out.
    At that moment, a single, simple gesture stopped me in my tracks, jarring me so suddenly that for the longest moment, my mind just stopped. For one of the first times in years, my mind became completely blank.
    Slowly, as I came to my senses, I opened my eyes and turned to meet Steven’s peacefully blue eyes. He offered me a weak smile as the hand he placed on my thigh tightened.
    It was such a simple, reassuring gesture that a single tear rolled down my cheek.
    Too quickly, his hand withdrew as his eyes returned to his nearly finished plate of food. I watched in amazement as Steven closed his eyes and more or less shoveled his food into his mouth.
    The action went so quickly that I guessed he didn’t even taste his food; he just swallowed it.
    “You’re doing so well, Steven,” Ruth practically cooed. “You have full privileges; you could have eaten on your own or even in the courtyard.”
    Steven swallowed once more before inhaling deeply and turning his eyes to the dragon lady. “Thank you,” he mumbled weakly. “It would be pretty lonely to eat alone. I would rather stay here and be some sort of moral support.” His eyes returned to mine once more as he offered me a stronger smile that shone with relief.
    He knew he was almost done with his food; he was almost out of this hell.
    Blocking out the two around me, I stared down at my food and blew out a breath. At some point, Steven’s hand returned to my thigh. This time, I switched my fork to my left hand and allowed my right hand to fall to my lap.
    Hesitantly, our fingers locked. The action felt so foreign, but I needed anything to distract me from the world around me. Focusing on the gentle caress of Steven’s thumb against my hand, I ate.
    Each bite became more horrid than the first, and by the time I finished my waffles, I felt like my insides were going to rupture, or at the very least, I would projectile vomit everywhere. Miraculously and against all odds, the food stayed down.
    With Steven’s feather touch, it became easier to fade out of the world around me. Each bite became just a fraction of a hair easier to swallow.
    When I opened my eyes, my plate was clean, and I felt like someone made me swallow rocks, but when I stared down at my plate, a sense of utter triumph came over me. I ate an entire plate of food! I did the impossible.
    However, the impossible may have seemed like simply eating, but the actual impossible would be keeping it all down.
    Because Steven and I finished at the same time, our plates were taken away and Terry seemed to emerge out of thin air to escort us to our rooms as the other boys finished their breakfast. With each step I took, it felt like my body weight a ton, and I grew to hate myself just a little bit more.
    I wanted to be with Steven, to have someone around; I didn’t trust myself to be alone; however, Terry led us to our individual rooms and offered me an apologetic smile as he stood in the middle of the hallway.
    Sitting on my bed, I expected Terry to return downstairs; however, he propped himself against the wall and stood guard.
    I guess he’s here to make sure we don’t upchuck when no one is looking, I mused mentally; though, I couldn’t deny how much my body begged me to purge.
    Swallowing the idea down, I fell to my back and cradled my bloated belly in my hands. Silently, tears began to drip down my eyes. I felt so horrible; I felt horrible about not eating, and I felt just as horrible for actually eating.
    There was no way to win this battle.
    I didn’t dare try to look at myself in the mirror because I knew that my belly would be protruding; I knew I would look like a bloated whale.
    All I needed to do was find a beach to get stuck on.
    Whatever triumph I had in my blood dissipated when I realized that I just completed breakfast.
    There were two meals left of the day.
    This thought brought me to sobs. Rolling onto my side, I hugged my pillow, cradling my face into its softness as my muffled sobs escaped into the air.
    How in the hell was I going to survive this torture?

    Slowly but surely, the boys returned. Geoffrey came after Steven and me. After about an hour or so, Rich returned looking just as defeated as the rest of us. All I wanted to do was roll in a ball and cry this day away; however, at the skinny boy house, they made sure to keep you busy.
    As soon as the boys returned, we were all escorted downstairs to the same kitchen we just escaped from for our classes. I guessed that they wanted to keep us on track with our schooling. At least, I thought to myself, it will keep us all distracted. Thankfully, Ruth pulled me to the side and informed me that I was to be the first in therapy.
    At this point, with everything going on in my head, I couldn’t even bring myself to care what happened next.
    Oh, how I was wrong.
    Ripping opened already bleeding wounds was really just the whipped cream on the pile of shit that became my life.

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I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I hope this gives you just a little bit more insite to just how damaged these poor boys are.

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xoxo - Mason

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