The Skinny Boy Tales (boyxboy) - Completed-

Chapter 10

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As always, one of youuuu guys and gals is going to get the dedication. I wonder who it could be. ^-^

++ Edit: IM-LIKE-AWESOME got the dedication because you compared me to a One Direction concert. That's a pretty big deal :D:D You're awesome!

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Chapter 10

    The sleep that fell over me was pitch black and silent. It was probably the most peaceful sleep I ever had at the skinny boy house. When I finally cracked my eyes open, my room was painted bright orange; the sun was already high in the sky.
    Somehow, I had over slept. No one in the house got to over sleep. Everything and everyone followed a strick plan. Eat this here in this quantity. Meet so and so in this room at this time for this long.
    There was almost a comfort in the daily schedule. No matter how you felt or what was going on in your head, you always had somewhere to be.
    Sitting up and yawning widely, I rubbed away the last bit of tiredness from my eyes and stared into the orange glow. Even without looking through the windows, I could tell it was a lovely day; it was still a very cold day, but the sun was finally making an appearance after taking a long hiatus behind the thick clouds.
    Throwing my legs over the side of the bed, I noticed I was still dressed in all black.
    My getaway clothes.
    Slowly but surely, the events of last night crawled into my mind. My failed attempt to run away flashed behind my eyes. Blowing out a long breath, I stood up. The floorboards creaked in protest, and I automatically rolled my eyes. I wanted to shout, “Look here, floorboards! I know that I’ve gotten fat but just keep your opinions to yourselves!”
    I was pretty darn sure that the floorboards would have had something to say; however, I didn’t have time to imagine their response. A soft tapping came from my bedroom door. I felt my blood freeze, coagulate in my veins.
    “Are you awake?” Asked a female voice.
    How much trouble would I be in? I wondered silently to myself. There was no way for me to know exactly what was going to happen to me, so instead of dwelling on it, I took a deep, steadying breath and exhaled my anxieties.
    “I am.” My voice cracked as I spoke.
    Ruth opened the door slowly, stepping across the threshold separating us. She was dressed tidily in a grey blazer with her snow-like hair twisted up on top of her head with a few ringlets falling, framing her face.  Peering through the glasses perched on her nose, her eyes looked dark, sad.
    Disappointed.
    Shuffling awkwardly, I did my best to keep my back straight, my shoulders square; however, as she grew nearer, her looming presence seemed to warp my bone until I found myself hunched over with my eyes staring directly at the floor. I knew that I had broken the rules. I also knew that it didn’t matter if I necessarily believed in the rules; they were still set in stone.
    They were set in stone, and I came around swinging a freakin’ sledgehammer.
    She placed a hand delicately on my shoulder. “How’re you feeling this morning?”
    Still not meeting her eyes, I shrugged minutely. “Ok, I guess.” Under the circumstances, I thought to myself.
    “That’s good.” She paused for a second before adding, “what you did is inexcusable, Max,” in a no nonsense tone. “You are going to be punished for this behavior, and I hope that this is your first and only mistake during your stay here.” Ruth blew out a small breath. “If you were having problems, why didn’t you come to me or one of the other staff?”
    For some reason, that struck a cord. A fire ignited so suddenly inside my mind, that I had to fight to keep my jaw clenched shut. I wanted to scream; I wanted to jump around like a toddler and throw a temper tantrum.
    How was I supposed to tell the staff that I wasn’t adjusting to their rules when they all knew dang good and well what they were doing to me, to all of us. They knew that the transition would be hard for us; they knew that we were struggling with our demons each and every day.
    They knew that part of that was their fault.
    If they would have just left me alone, I would have been fine. I would have been back home in my own pile of misery dealing with all of this on my own.
    I couldn’t talk to them because it was their fault I was struggling in the first place. At least when I wasn’t trapped in this dang house, I was free to make my own decisions, no matter how self destructive those decisions were.
    They were my decisions to make.
    They were mine.
    Lifting my head, I met the old woman’s eyes without fear. “I. Didn’t. Want. To.” I stared defyingly into her eyes, pausing after every word, so she didn’t get confused.
    She blinked a few times before a small smile pulled at the corner of her lips. It disappeared as quickly as it showed up, but it was definitely a smile. “There is a lot of fight still left in you; you’re going to need it.” She paused to look me over quickly. “Let’s get you showered and ready for your visitor.”
    Ruth began to lead me out of the room. “I have a visitor?” I asked dumbly. Who in their right mind would come visit me here? No one even knew I was here except for my-
    “When we notified your mother of your incident, she insisted that she come here herself to speak to you, and I just think that is the best thing you need right now.” Ruth answered my unspoken question, causing me to stop in my tracks.
    Horror widened my eyes as Ruth more or less drug me into the hall. “Please don’t,” I begged, falling down to my knees. “Please don’t do this to me!” I raised my voice in panic. “Anyone but her! I promise I’ll be good! I’ll do anything Please. Please. Please!”
    “What is all this?” Ruth asked utterly confused. “Get off the floor this very instant. You’re causing a scene, and that isn’t going to change anything.” She pulled hard at my arm, yanking me to my feet. “Accept your mistake with grace, Max.”
    My mistake.
    With tears in my eyes, I yanked my arm away from Ruth’s touch, simply staring into her eyes, searching for some scrap of reason, understanding.
    There was nothing.
    Nothing.
    Strong arms found me, leading me away from the Head of Staff. I put up no resistance, allowed myself to be led to the bathroom.
    “I know this is the dumbest question ever, but are you ok?” Terry’s deep voice seemed to reverberate through my consciousness.
    I laughed; I simply couldn’t hold it in. I laughed and laughed until I fell to my knees once more as steaming tears rolled down my cheeks. “I’ve never been better,” I choked out. “This is the pinnacle of my existence.”
    Terry said nothing, instead he bent down and offered me a hand. I waved him away and shakily managed to push myself to my feet. I met his brown concerned eyes and let out the final dry laugh I could muster.
    “All this is your fault, Terry.” I spat. “If you just would have let me go... If you would have just let me...”
    “I couldn’t.” His eyes were shimmering, as if tears were beginning to well. He blinked them away. “I had to tell Ruth, Max. I had to.”
    I waved him away once more as I turned on my heels. “Just leave me the hell alone.” I began to undress, but Terry never moved, so I glanced over my shoulder. “What are you still doing here?” I snapped.
    Terry stood awkwardly, turning his back to me. “I have to keep you under... observation.” His voice was small, apologetic.
    Putting a hand on my hip, I rolled my eyes. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You are kidding, right?”
    Terry remained silent.
    “Great.” Completely over it all, I clawed my clothes off and quickly stepped into the shower. I pulled the nearly sheer shower curtain closed behind me.
    The water that cascaded over my body was hot, too hot, but I stood there, simply enjoying the burn across my skin. This is it, my mind reasoned. This is where I snap. This was all too much to handle. How in the world was I supposed to handle my mother? How in the world was I supposed to handle dealing with her at this exact moment?
    I couldn’t wrap my mind around any of it. I only had questions, so instead of  obsessing over them, I turned off the shower and just went on existing. With a towel securely around my waist, I stepped into the bathroom. Terry was still facing away from me. “I don’t have any clean clothes,” I added dryly. “Are you going to get me some, or are you going to follow me into my room?”
    Terry sighed, turning around hesitantly. “The second one.”
    “Fantastic.”
    Terry did just that. He followed me to my door, let me walk in alone, then shut the door behind me. His silent presence from behind the closed door felt oddly comforting, but I refused to admit that out loud. Quickly, I threw on a sweater and a pair of sweats. “I’m decent.”
    The guard opened my door and stood silently in the doorway. “Are you ready to go downstairs?” Terry was chewing on his bottom lip nervously.
    “What would you do if I said no?” I shot up at him. “Would you go downstairs and tell my mother to go away?”
    His shoulders stiffened as he stared down at me with his sad eyes. “You know that I can’t”
    I scoffed. “Then why ask? If it doesn’t matter what I think or feel, why don’t you just drag me downstairs kicking and screaming? Why do you pretend to give a flying flip what I think?”
    Terry’s eyes hardened as he silently stepped to the side, giving me room to leave.
    “What? Nothing to say?” I slipped on a pair of socks and stepped into my shoes. “Cat got your tongue?”
    “Maximus Rowe, you are to report downstairs immediately.” His voice was authoritative, scary. It was as if he were suddenly a completely different person. “If you do not comply, a mark will be added to your file and you risk losing the privilege to stay in this establishment. If you resist, I will have no choice but to use force. Do you understand?”
    A chill crept up my spine, chasing away the defiance like a dog running with its tail tucked between its legs. “Ok...” I lowered my head and let Terry lead me downstairs.
    The trip felt longer than usual, and Terry’s cold demeanor seemed to chill my very core. I almost wanted to apologize, to make the light return to Terry’s dark eyes. Ruth waited silently at the bottom of the stairs with Dawn not too far away. Dawn’s ashen hair was pulled back in its usual tight ponytail.
    When I didn’t see my mother, I half-hoped that she changed her mind and simply drove away.
    I wasn’t that lucky.
    The gods would never allow such a request.
    As if by magic (except not really because my mother believed the only magic in the world came by way of witches or demons), my mother appeared. She wore a black sweater with black jeans. She almost appeared as if she were in mourning; she even had a wad of tissues trapped in her talons.
    “This way,” Dawn said as cheerily as she could. Even she looked down at me in disappointment. Ruth and Terry faded off in the distance as my mother walked behind me. Dawn’s clacking heels against the tile was the only noise I could focus on other than the pounding of my own heart.
    There was no safety in Dawn’s office. Her walls provided no comfort as my mother and I sat next to each other. Dawn took her place at her large desk, took a moment to compose herself, and folded her hands on top of the desk. Her eyes met mine briefly as I pulled my knees against my chest.
    “Must you sit like that,” my mother despaired, already blowing out an exasperated breath. It was almost as if my presence was enough to make her rip her hair out.
    And we hadn’t even been around each other for ten minutes.
    I frowned, hugging my legs tighter.
    Dawn furrowed her brow. “As you know, Mrs. Rowe,-”
    “Misses,” my mother corrected.
    The counselor tapped her long acrylic nails on the desk once. “Misses Rowe, your son had an episode, and it is our responsibility to keep you informed.”
    My mother shot me a cold stare before turning her attention back to Dawn. “I am full aware of my son’s mistake, and I want you to punish him to the full degree. I won’t stand for this behavior, and to top it off, he is under your supervision. How in the world was he able to do this without someone knowing? Are you guys incapable of your jobs? Do I need to move my son to another clinic?”
    Dawn blinked at the flurry of words my mother flung at her but smiled gracefully anyway. “Max has had his privileges revoked, and he will be under a much closer observation. I assure you that he will be properly supervised as we work with him to get through his issues.” Dawn offered me a small smile; however, I looked past her, staring at the white walls.
    I hoped that maybe this was all a dream, a hallucination brought on my starvation or something. I hoped that at any moment, I would roll over and wake up.
    I had no such luck.
    “What’s important right now, in this very moment, is for us to provide Max a strong network of support. We need to be here for him, so he never feels like he has to go to that dark place ever again.”
    My mother laughed and stood up, keeping her purse close to her hip as if at any moment someone would jump out and steal her belongings. “Unfortunately, that is not my job; that is what I pay you for.” My mother sighed deeply. “If this is all you have to offer, I would like some time alone with my son.”
    I lifted my chin quickly, meeting Dawn’s concerned gaze. Without speaking, I begged and pleaded for her to tell my mother to leave, to kick her out of her office.
    I had no such luck.
    Dawn cleared her throat awkwardly and stood from her desk. “I’ll be right outside if you need anything.” It felt as if she were talking to me more than my mother.
    Silently, I watched as Dawn shut the door behind her, leaving me alone with only my mother to keep me company. I closed my eyes, focusing on my breathing. I didn’t want to hear her speak, to hear what was on her mind. I knew that whatever came out of her mouth would be horrible.
    It would be vile.
    Mother didn’t waste a single moment. “Do you have any idea how dangerous it was for me to drive in this weather? The tires on the car are basically bald, but don’t worry about your mother. She’ll just throw all her money at a clinic instead of buying new tires.”
    “You could have stayed home,’ I mumbled.
    All too quickly, a palm met my cheek. It wasn’t a hard slap, and I assumed the only reason she didn’t put her whole heart into it was because she knew Dawn was waiting just behind those thin double doors. It was just a slap to let me know she could slap me.
    “I told you not to mess this up for me. Didn’t I?” She asked, holding my chin in her hand. “Your job here is so easy. All you have to do is follow the rules and keep yourself together. Is that too difficult for you?”
    I yanked my chin from her talons.
    “Don’t say a word; you just listen to what I am saying to you. Can you do that?” She leaned closer to me, keeping her voice low. “I asked you question, and I expect an answer,” she hissed, slapping me again.
    Nodding slowly, my fists clenched as I held back the flood gates. I refused to cry for her. “I can.”
    A smile grew on her thin lips. “Good. Now, I am to never hear of you doing anything like this again, or I will make sure the next clinic I put you in doesn’t have windows. Do you understand me?”
    How could one woman be so vile? How could one woman be so cruel?
    This woman was supposed to be my mother; she was supposed to love me no matter what. A sudden realization ignited in my mind.
    This woman before me had no love left in heart; that had all dried up years ago the day my father left.
    I stood up suddenly. Staring directly into my mother’s eyes, I found myself smiling. “Yes, ma’am.” My words were sickly sweet. “I understand you completely. Now, if you will excuse me.” Turning my back to the woman who used to be my mother, I began walking away. A hard grip found my hand, pulling me to a stop.
    “You don’t get to walk away from me!” She snapped, raising her voice.
    With a smile still on my face, I yanked away from her touch. “Have a nice drive, Silvia.” With that, I pushed the door open, breezing past Dawn and making my way upstairs. I heard my mother yelling after me, but I kept my back straight. What ever love I had for that woman died that day. I no longer felt her pulling at my strings; I saw her for what she was: a damaged woman.
    She was broken in ways I wasn’t, and she would never be fully content until I was as shattered as her reflection. Footsteps followed after me; they were heavy, so I guessed they were Terry’s.
    No more privacy, cooed the voice in my head.
    I didn’t shut my door behind me as I withdrew to the safety the temporary bedroom provided me. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I covered my mouth with both my hands and let out a short, muffled scream.
    Somehow, the tears faded from behind my eyes. My nerves seemed to be replaced with an overwhelming sense of numbness. I no longer felt anything for the woman who birthed me; I held no anger towards Terry. Hell, I didn’t even feel my own heartbreak at the loss of my last parent.
    I felt nothing.
    Closing my eyes, I fell backwards on the bed. I felt a content smile pull at my lips. Numbness was a feeling I could get used to. I could forget the pain in my bones; I didn’t have to focus on the stress of living in this hellhole.
    For once, my thoughts were unclouded. In order for me to better myself, I had to start letting go of the outside factors that I allowed to bend and mold my own perceptions of the world, and I finally saw that it all started with letting go of my mother’s hold on me.
    Lying in that bed, I made a vow to myself to never let her hurt me again. My skin would be as hard as steel; my blood would be rubies. Her venom wouldn’t pierce my armor ever again.
   
    I don’t know exactly how long I stayed in my bed, wrapped in my own thoughts, but when I finally opened my eyes, a hand was loosely clasped over mine. The touch was warm, familiar.
    Steven smiled warmly down at me; his blue eyes seemed to sparkle. As I leaned up, I noticed the tray of food he held in his lap.
    “The usual?” I asked.
    Steven nodded. “Oatmeal with fresh berries, eggs, and orange juice.” He pulled away from me to pass the tray over to me. “Oh! I forgot about the toast.”
    I sighed. “They let you bring me food?”
    Steven pointed a thumb towards the door. I followed his action, noticing a kind-eyed security guard standing in the doorway. “The heat has to be present, but other than that, you get to eat pretty much alone.”
    At this exact moment, eating was the last thing in the entire world that I wanted to do. Seriously, I would have rather swallowed sand. “How did you manage such special treatment for the latest messup?” I nibbled on the edge of the toast.
    It found myself imagining eating sand; this made actually swallowing a smidgen more difficult.
    Steven narrowed his eyes at me. He was probably thinking something along the lines of, “You’re not a messup.”
    Blah. Blah. Blah.
    Instead he went with, “Well, everyone heard your mother going completely mental downstairs, so I guess they felt a little generous.”
    “Wait. What?” I placed the toast down on the tray.
    Steven sucked his teeth and winced. “Yeah.” He ran his hands through his hair. “She started yelling at Ruth and Dawn; she pretty much told them they were incompetent, threatened to pull you from their care, and then went back to calling them stupid.”
    I groaned loudly. “Well, that’s embarrassing.” I paused to sip some juice. “Did everyone really hear?”
    Nodding, Steven offered me a small smile. “Hence the eating away from everyone thing.”
    “Great.” I drew the word out. Now, Rich would have more fuel to add to his fire.
    Terry cleared his throat from the doorway.
    With a not-so-teenager eye roll, I picked up the toast and finished it in a few big bites. “See, I’m eating. Yum.” I didn’t meet Terry’s eyes. Turning my attention back to Steven, I took a deep breath and began to shovel the food down my face.
    I figured I would just rip the bandaid off in one quick motion.
    Chasing everything down with the last of my juice, I pushed the tray away. The food in my belly sat like a bowling ball. I tried not to focus on how uncomfortable I felt. Steven took the tray to Terry. “Don’t worry,” Steven added with a wave, “I’ll watch him until you get back. Pinky promise.”
    Terry nodded but glanced at me; his brown eyes lingering over my own for a moment. Part of me wanted to express some sort of gratitude. Without Terry telling Ruth, my mother would have never showed up, but having her here did me a world of good, so he deserved to know that I forgave him.
    “Thank you, Terry!” I blurted as Terry began to walk away.
    He stopped in his tracks as his smile touched his eyes, causing them to shimmer gold. Without saying a word, he walked away.
    “What’s up with you two?” Steven asked as he plopped down beside me.
    I waved a hand at him dismissively. “Nothing. I just,” pausing, “appreciate what he does for us.” I sighed. “Sometimes I think he’s the only one around here who doesn’t lie through his teeth to us. He seems like he might actually care.”
    I fell back on the bed, resting my head on Steven’s chest. He automatically wound his fingers with my own. “You know, everyone here cares about us. It just doesn’t seem like it.”
    Scoffing loudly, I added sarcastically, “I’m sure.”
    “Trust me. One day you’ll tell me I was right.” Steven chuckled to himself.
    Everything felt so relaxed, so normal. “How are you acting like everything is ok? I messed up, Steven.”
    He shrugged under me. “It’s not really that big of a deal. I mean, we’ve all done it. Some more than others.” Something in his tone felt sad, dark.
    “Did... did you?” I asked, rolling over.
    Steven nodded slowly. “A few times.”
    “No way!” I don’t know exactly why that shocked me, but it totally did.
    “Totally.”
    We sat in silence for awhile. I watched him stare up at the ceiling, noticed how he would run his tongue over his lips every so often. Steven really was something else. Too kind for his own good.
    “Do you want to talk about it?” Steven asked, breaking the silence.
     I nodded, rolling to my back. “I think I’ve hated my mother for a really long time, but I’ve just never been able to admit it. I used to just hate her, but now, I really don’t feel anything because she’s just like me, struggling with her own issues. She’s just as obsessed with her idea of perfection. The only difference is that she reaches for her perfection through her religion; she twists it to mean what she needs it to mean.” I blew out a breath as Stephen’s fingers danced through my pricky hair.
    “It’s the exact same thing I do to myself. I twist my own perceptions into these horrible, terrible things just so make sense to me.” I felt tears welling in my eyes; my voice thickened with emotion. “I’m just as horrible as she is, and I hate it. I hate it, Steven. I just want to all go away.” Tears fell freely. “I’m completely un-lovable; I’m this mess of darkness and self loathing. How could anyone bare to be around something as grotesque as me? If I’m every going to be something that I want to show people, to be proud of, I have to start wading through all of this crap and start making sense of it all.”
    Steven laughed lightly. “It seems like you’re already starting to figure it out, Max.” He leaned up, brushing the tears from my cheeks. His soft blues met mine. “I will tell you that you are not un-lovable because,” his cheeks flushed, “I could totally see myself maybe possibly loving you one day.”
    I blinked dumbly. “You could.. but.. how..” I muttered completely dumbfounded.
    Steven smiled brightly. “Shh,” he cooed as his lips touched mine. A fire seemed to spread across my body that burned through my flesh. I kissed him back roughly, my fingers finding their way into his hair.
    Despite everything going on, despite all the pain and confusion, I found myself tangled in Steven’s arms. Steven, the boy I was ready to so easily leave behind, the boy who was too nice for his own good.
    I could maybe possibly see myself loving him one day too...
    A light cough came from the doorway, causing the two of us to pull away from each other. “Everyone is meeting downstairs for classes, boys.” Terry grinned at us from the doorway.
    I felt my ears burn. “We’ll be right down,” I mumbled, hiding my face with my hands.
    Terry laughed loudly to himself as he left, probably waiting at the top of the stairs. Steven laughed too, obviously hiding his embarrassment better than I. “Let’s just make a promise to ourselves right now.”
    I raised an eyebrow. “What kinda promise?”
    Steven looked me up and down before opening his mouth to speak. “Let’s promise not to do anything else until we are both healthy. I want it to mean something instead of being something to pass the time...” his voice trailed off as his embarrassment finally caught up to him.
    Grinning, I nodded and added a light peck on his cheek. “I think I can live with that.”

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