The Skinny Boy Tales (boyxboy) - Completed-

Chapter 9

-----

Who is going to get the dedication? Hmmmm? ^-^

-----

Chapter‭ ‬9
‭   
    Fear is a funny thing.‭ ‬As children,‭ ‬we‭’‬re scared of the invisible things under our bed and in our closets.‭ ‬We have nightmares forged from those fears.‭ ‬I no longer feared the things in the dark or the things under my bed.‭
    I was scared of myself.
‭    Everything was spiraling out of control too quickly for me to even attempt to dig my heels into the ground in protest. After my previous indecency, I made a mental promise to keep myself together.
‭    No more throwing up.
‭    In the next few days, I found that promise much too difficult to keep.
‭    Rich returned the very next morning. When he slipped into his bedroom, the skinny boys and I all piled into his room. Without saying a single word, Rich simply stretched and plopped down onto his bed.
‭    “So,” Geoffrey began after we all sat silently for too long of a moment, “what the hell happened to you?”
    Rich‭ ‬waved away Geoffrey‭’‬s concern and rolled over,‭ ‬simultaneously pulling his blanket around his body.‭ ‬“I just passed out.‭”
    Steven and Geoffrey shared an,‭ ‬“oh,‭”‬ while I sat quietly.‭
    “They all overreacted really,‭”‬ Rich said with a yawn.‭ ‬“I‭’‬m really tired today,‭ ‬so could you guys just buzz off‭?‬”
    Geoffrey laughed,‭ ‬more to himself than anything else.‭ ‬“That‭’‬s the Rich I know so well.‭”
    With a groan,‭ ‬Rich pushed himself straight in the bed.‭ ‬“Look,‭ ‬I‭’‬m fine guys.‭ ‬Seriously,‭ ‬it happens all the time these days.‭”‬ He‭ ‬grinned wickedly.‭ ‬“It‭’‬s actually pretty refreshing.‭”
    “Refreshing‭?‬” I asked too loudly,‭ ‬causing Rich to lift an eyebrow my way.
‭    “Yeah,” he began with a little shrug, “it’s about the only way my parents get involved; they actually came to the hospital.”
    “That‭’‬s a change,‭”‬ Geoffrey scoffed.
‭    Rich nodded, but changed the subject. “What did I miss?” He glanced between us expectedly.
    “Ruth went ballistic on Terry,‭”‬ Geoffrey gossiped.
‭    Perking up, Rich leaned closer as his grin widened. “No way! I love it when the old bat flips. Oh god, was it good? Did she shoot lasers from her eyes?”
    “No lasers,‭”‬ Steven added.‭
    “That we could see.‭ ‬Dawn pretty much yanked us up the stairs,‭”‬ I said,‭ ‬joining in on the gossip.
‭    Rich clapped his hands. “I bet if we go downstairs, we’ll find the burn marks on the floor!”
    We all laughed together,‭ ‬and for the briefest moment,‭ ‬everything felt normal.
    Deceptively normal.
    My smile faltered for the slightest moment as the snake inside my body began to uncoil. I felt a cold chill creep up my spine, causing the little hairs on the tops of my arms to stand. Without realizing it, I rubbed my arms and stood up.
    “I’m going to go take a nap or something,” I all but mumbled, avoiding the gazes of my fellow caged animals.
    As I stood, Steven reached for my hand. “I’ll go with you.”
    Meeting his eyes, I attempted a smile, a smile that I felt fall flat. “No, it’s ok.” I glanced around, locking eyes with Rich for just a second. In that second, Rich’s face contorted to such a giant lump of sheer smugness. It was almost like he knew my dirty, nasty secret without me even uttering a single word. “I kinda just want to be left alone for awhile,” I mumbled more to Rich than to anyone else.
    I pulled away from Steven, forgetting about his touch before I even made it out of the door.
    With my bedroom door safely shut behind me, I flopped down onto the bed and blew out a long breath. “When did my life get so complicated?” I grumbled to my sheets. I rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. The snake inside my stomach continued its movement through my body, giving me the sensation of ants crawling over my skin.
    “It’s not real; it’s not real.” The words came out like a chant as I rubbed my arms. “I’m going to be ok. Everything is going to be ok.”
    Honestly, I didn’t know who I was trying to fool. I knew deep down that I was in some serious trouble, and the voice inside my head made its soul purpose to remind me of this fact.
    You’re a liar, it sneered. You’re a big liar who plans on choking on his fingers really soon.
    I pressed my eyes closed tightly. It was just a voice. It couldn’t hurt me; it didn’t exist outside of my own head, yet it knew exactly what to say.
    I just wanted out.
    I wanted to run.
    Anything had to be better than sitting in this house with all these boys, wasting away while the world continued without me. Anything had to be better than this.
    Puffing out another breath, I sat on the edge of the bed and just stared out the window. I forced all the thoughts from my brain and simply stared out into the world I couldn’t be a part of.
    The snow hadn’t budged a bit in the past few days; it was a freakin’ winter wonderland outside. It was an early grey morning with thick clouds that threatened to loosen its grasp on yet another blanket of snow.
    I imagined that it simply continued to snow, never ceasing. Would that be my ticket out of here?
    If it never stopped snowing, could I simply just... walk away?
    Then it donned on me so quickly that I practically jumped to my feet. “There isn’t anything keeping me here.” The words were little more than mumbles, but they had a weight to them, a truth to them.
    Suddenly, everything made sense once more. The answer to all of my problems was staring me right smack dab in the middle of my face. If I wanted out, all I had to do was leave. A smile, a strange, oddly satisfactory smile, crept onto my lips at the thought of newfound freedom.
    As the gears inside my brain began to turn they began click with the next until a clear picture of my escape began to solidify inside my mind. I would wait until the sun set. The nights were ridiculously short lately, so I wouldn’t have to wait until much later than five in the afternoon. By that time, individual therapy would have been underway, and all I would have had to do was wait until my turn, play the motions and cough up sad pieces of my life, and then slip away once everyone forgot about me.
    It was all so simple.
    The image of Steven alone in the house flashed before my eyes; however, I stuffed that image right back where it came from without giving it a second thought. I couldn’t allow myself to be responsible for another human being. Hell, I could barely hold myself together; the last thing I needed to think about was someone else.
    Selfish or not, I had to think of myself.
    Invigorated, I stood from my bed and began to work out the smaller details. I would need to pack a bag with some essentials, I would need to dress warmly in clothes that didn’t draw too much attention, and I would most definitely need some money.
    Inside my closet, I had the bag I came into the house with. It was on the smaller side, but it would hold the things I needed. Quickly, I began to ready my things. Just as I zipped up the bag, there was a firm tap on the door.
    Lobbing the bag back into the closet, I returned to my bed, took a deep breath to calm my nerves, and grumbled a short, “Come in.”
    I supposed Steven wanted to check up on me; he was totally that kind of guy; however, imagine my surprise when Richard flung open the door.
    “How’re you feeling, buttercup?” Somehow, he managed to sound almost interested.
    With a roll of my eyes, I pulled my feet onto the bed. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?”
    Rich let out a small, dry laugh. “Actually, you should have asked how I am doing. Everyone else already checked up on me; I’m a little hurt that you didn’t care how your bestest buddy is doing.”
    I squinted my eyes at him dangerously.
    “Don’t worry though, I’ll let it slip this one time.”
    “I appreciate that. Though, I don’t really need your forgiveness for anything.”
    Richard’s eyebrows darted high onto his forehead. “Well, well. Aren’t we a little snippy today. You must really be having a moment is Mr. Nice over here is being, well, not very nice.” He put a hand on his hip. “I have to admit that I like you a lot more with this extra fight in you.”
    Blowing out a breath, I thought about just telling him to leave, but that would have been like telling a snake to grow a pair of legs and teach me how to dance. “What do you need, Rich?” The words came out stern, uninterested.
    “Look,” he began, dropping the  I’m-better-than-you tone in is voice, “I can spot a boy who’s cheated from a mile away, you might as well just tell me all about it.”
    And just like that, I stood up and punched Rich in his stupid, stupid face.

    The image of Rich’s genuine surprise would stick with me forever. He staggered backwards, touched his cheek, and smiled back at me once the surprise faded from his eyes. “Ah, so I was right. You did do the nasty, huh?" More to himself he grumbled, “That actually hurt a little. Who knew you had it in you?” He chuckled as he rubbed his cheek. “I’ll have to make sure to tell Geoffrey that he owes me a little money.”
    “Get out,” I demanded, staring straight into Rich’s dark eyes. “Just leave me the hell alone.”
    Rich smiled all too brightly for someone who just got punched. I really had to work on that; I had never really been a fighter. “Let me tell you one thing, Max. What you did, we’ve all done. Some of us aren’t so obvious about it, some make sure that it’s known, and some never ever tell a soul and get away with it. You’re the obvious one.” He looked me up and down. “If you don’t stop this sulking, Ruth is going to be on you like a fly to an emaciated pile of shit.”
    I hated Rich; I hated how he could just pick up on my problems, know my every weak moment. This was my secret, my mistake, my shame; Rich had no right to know anything about it, yet here is was speaking so frankly about my own personal issues.
    He had no right.
    I felt tears well behind my eyes. “Please,” I begged, “will you just go away. Will you just leave me alone this one time? Can you just let it go?”
    Rich’s smile fell away. “You’re no fun, Max. I really do want us to be friends. Believe it or now, we’ve all been where you are; you’re still new. All this,” he paused for a moment as if to find the correct word, “mumbo jumbo they force on us is hard to take. If you don’t have someone else with you, you can buckle under the pressure.”
    I remained silent.
    “They’ll never break me.” He lifted his chin into the air. “They’ve already broken you, but you can be strong. I can show you.” Rich extended his hand. “I wont tell another soul about what I know; that’s your shit. We can work together though. I can show you how to remain strong, how to beat these witches.”
    Rich’s eyes seemed to sparkle with an intensity I had never seen before; however, this wasn’t the future I wanted. I wanted to be free, to live my life to my own plan. I wanted the freedom to exercise my own demons, heal my own wounds.
    Despite this, there was a part of me that wanted to take Rich’s hand and allow him to feed the darkness lurking inside the deepest depths in my mind. I could easily beat these women; this body was mine, and I could do with it what I wanted. I couldn’t help but feel bad for Rich though. There was no light left in his life; the only brightness left came from his power over himself.
    I could respect that in sorts.
    “I’m sorry, Rich. I can’t. I just want to get out of here, and if smiling brightly and playing they’re game is how I do it, that’s fine by me.” I hadn’t noticed I had been chewing the inside of my cheeks until I tasted blood.
    Rich stared me up and down for a moment before smiling once more. “Whatever works for you. I wish you the best.” He left, pulling the door shut behind me.
    “You too...”
    With Rich gone, I blew out yet another breath and went back to piecing together my escape plan. Once I had everything I needed, I would slip out the front door. Terry would be watching, but I could easily leave. There was no bell on the door, so as long as Terry wasn’t watching me directly, it would be simple. The gate guard would also be a problem, but I would worry about him once I got there.
    All I needed was a little money for a bus ticket and some food. If I could get far enough away, I could go anywhere.
    Who could I ask for money, I thought to myself. “Geoffrey!” If there were anyone in the house who had money, it would be Geoffrey. I mean, he was a super popular model. He could spare some change.
    I opened the door and stepped into the hallway. The house was quiet. Under normal circumstances, it would have almost seemed pleasant. Geoffrey sat on his bed, flipping through one of the fashion magazines he had piled in front of him.
    I tapped on the doorframe.
    Lifting his eyes to me, he nodded at me in silent acknowledgment. “Look at this dress! It’s a Alexander McQueen! If I had the hips and tits, I would wear this ever. single. day.” He flashed the magazine at me quickly. “Red is in this winter. It’s strange, but I would literally kill for this dress. Look at this metal work on the sleeves! It’s freakin’ platinum!”
    “That’s a nice dress.” Though, I’ve never once claimed to have a sense of fashion.     Geoffrey laughed deeply, raking his fingers through his platinum locks. “It’s fine, Max. Not everyone is blessed with superior fashion sense. What can I do for you?”
    I rubbed my forearm awkwardly. “Um, do you think I could ask you for a favor? It’s perfectly fine to say no!”
    Lifting a dark brow, Geoffrey sat the magazine down. “And that would be?”
    A long moment passed before I worked up the final drop of courage. I had never asked anyone besides my mother for money; I didn’t think it would feel so strange. “Can I borrow some money? I know it’s out of the blue and all, but I don’t know where else to go.”
    Geoffrey stood up without speaking, reached into the depths of his black bag, (It was probably Prada or something.) and pulled out his wallet. “How much?” He asked almost bored.
    “I... I don’t really know. Um, just a little...”
    “Don’t be coy, Max. Will a few hundred do?” Geoffrey pulled out a wad of money and began thumbing through the bills.
    I couldn’t speak for some reason. It was almost as if my tongue swelled inside my mouth. All I could do was nod.
    “Here you go,” Geoffrey said simply as he handed me the bills. “Don’t worry about paying me back. I saved quite a bit of money; I have more than I know what to do with at the moment. Plus, once I get back to work, I’ll probably be able to buy an island or something.”
    I took the money and Geoffrey went back to his magazine.
    “It’s not that I’m ungrateful or anything, but aren’t you going to ask what it’s for?”
    Geoffrey eyed me from the glossy pages. “Do you really want me to ask?”
    I opened my mouth but quickly shut it. “Point taken.”
    “Just be careful,” he added quietly.
    I offered him a smile. “I’ll try my best.”
    It was almost too easy how everything began to fall into place. By the time dinner rolled around, I was completely ready to leave. I only had one thing left to do.
    Steven didn’t meet my eyes the entire time we ate, and once we were all finished, I followed him into his room. “You got a minute?” I asked quietly.
    He sighed but nodded. “You’re talking to me again?”
    I felt a stab of guilt inside my belly. “I’m sorry, Steven. It’s just been rough on me lately.”
    “It’s been rough on me too! I care so much for you, and I feel like you’re shutting me out.” He reached for my hand, pulling me to sit next to im on his bed. “I don’t want you to disappear from my life.”
    He might as well have stabbed me himself. I couldn’t lie to him; he did nothing to deserve that treatment. Steven had only been wonderful to me. “I can’t make promises to you Steven. I’m a mess; I’m a big, huge, giant, gross, mess right now, and I don’t want to drag you down with me.”
    Steven placed a finger under my chin, lifting my gaze to his. “You’re not gross.”
    I wrinkled my nose but couldn’t contain the grin on my face. “Stop it. You know what I mean!”
    Chuckling, he smiled warmly. “I understand what you’re saying. Just know that I care for you and you could never bring me down. You need to give yourself more credit. You’re not this horrible monster.”
    “Nonetheless,” I began with the smile still hanging on my lips, “I think, no, I know that I need some space. I need some time away from everything.” I ran my hand over my head. My short prickly hair was already beginning to grow out. “If I’m going to survive through this, I need to be able to stand on my own two feet.”
    Steven nodded slightly.
    I decided to leave out the fact that the only way I was going to survive was to get out of this place. I hoped that Steven would understand why I left, and I hoped that maybe one day, once the dust settled, he and I would possibly meet up again and start over.
    I hoped that we would be able to have a redo.
    “You’re wonderful.” My tone became serious. “I want you to know that I think you’re one of the kindest people that I have ever met, and it’s truly been a pleasure to meet you.”
    Steven’s brow shot up as his smile faltered. “Where did that come from?”
    Shrugging, I felt my ears begin to burn. “I just wanted you to know that.”
    He locked his fingers through my own as his blue eyes seemed to bore through my very being. I felt a knot form in my throat. “But why? It feels like there is a goodbye somewhere in this conversation.”
    Freezing for a second, I chewed on my bottom lip; however, a false smile settled on my face as I decided to lie to Steven.
    Again.
    “Stop being weird, Steven. Everything is fine; I’m just in a weird place.” I patted my full belly. “It’s probably all this food. I’m sorry.” I smiled as a pain clawed up from the bottom of my stomach. I hated lying to him; I hated this. Leaning forward, I placed a small kiss on his cheek. “I’m going to take a nap or something, but I’ll see you soon, ok?”
    Steven frowned but placed a small kiss on my lips. His normally bright eyes seemed to have dulled as he stood up. Still holding my hand, he stared into my eyes for the longest moment. “Promise?”
    Hot tears began to pool behind my eyes. “I promise,” I said with a sour taste in my mouth.
    With a new smile on his lips, his eyes brightened as he placed a small kiss on my fingers. “Get some rest.”
    I nodded as he left, pulling the door closed behind him.
    With only my thoughts to keep me company, I grasped my hands over my mouth and sobbed as tears flooded down my cheeks. Steven didn’t deserve to have someone as horrible as me in his life. It would be better for him if I just disappeared.
    I was a monster.
    I was a sick, twisted, horrible monster.
   
    No one bothered my for the remainder of the day. Once, I heard someone outside my door almost as if he were going to knock but whoever it was chose otherwise. Once the sun set, I double checked to make sure I had everything I needed.
    Everything seemed to be in place as the house fell silent. When lights out hit, I crawled into bed until Terry did his nightly room checks. When he made it to my door, he remained silent and hung around for a second or two longer than he usually did. For those brief seconds, I felt horribly self conscious.
    Did I leave something out?
    Could he tell that I was going to run away?
    However, he shut the door behind him and make his way down the hallway silently. I counted to one hundred before quietly gathering my belongings. I piled on two layers of clothing, slipped on two pair of socks, and stepped into my shoes. With a long breath, I slung the backpack over my shoulder and slipped through the bedroom door.
    The hallway was nearly pitch black; the only light came from the moon peeking through the dense clouds and slipping through the windows. The other boy’s doors were closed as well, so I tiptoed down the hall, stopping at the top of the stairs to listen to my surroundings.
    The house was completely silent. Peeking over the railing, I glanced at Terry’s desk. He had a small lamp on which casted an illuminating orange glow through the downstairs; however, there were plenty of shadows for me to hide in.
    Holding my breath, I made my way down the stairs step by step, stopping at every creak in the floorboard. Every single time I caused a noise, I felt my body stiffen.
    I just knew I would get caught; however, when I finally made it to the bottom of the stairs, there was no one at Terry’s desk.
    This is my chance, I thought to myself. Darting for the door, I touched the door’s cold metal door handle and hesitated. There was no turning back. If I opened the door, I would never turn around.
    I would never come back.
    Suddenly, I wished that I had told Terry goodbye as well.
    Shoving my thoughts away, I turned the doorknob. The air that came rushing in through the cracked door was absolutely frigid. Nonetheless, I stepped into the night air and finally let out the breath I had been holding.
    In that moment, I felt true freedom. I felt like a bird who had finally been let out of it’s cage.
    This was my chance.
    It took me forever to realize the hand on my shoulder, but when I did, I felt my eyes widen as I spun around quickly. I met Terry’s eyes, and even in the orange glow, they seemed golden.
    “I... I... I... I was just.. It’s... but...” Tears already began to drip down my eyes.
    “Max?” Terry asked as he began to kneel down. That was all it took to release the battered storm gates that held me together.
    I threw myself into his arms, digging my fingers into his rough uniform just to keep myself from spinning so rapidly out of control. The confession came too easily. “I can’t stay here anymore,” I sobbed into Terry’s chest. “I have to get out; I’m falling apart.”
    Terry said nothing, only wrapping his strong arms around my shivering body.
    “I messed up; I messed up so bad.” I couldn’t breath; it felt as if I were suffocating through my own uncontrollable sobs. “I made myself sick; I made myself throw up. I coulnd’t do it; I messed up.” I babbled as I hiccuped. “I’m a monster. I’m a monster.”
    I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster.  I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster.  I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster.  I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster.  I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I’m a monster.
    I couldn’t say how many times that phrase repeated itself in my head. I can only tell you that I stood there in Terry’s arms, replaying the words over and over until they became the only things I knew.
    I made them truth.
    I made them reality.
    I made them my entire existence.
    It was Terry who pulled me out of my own head. He had me at arms length, staring directly into my eyes. “Max, please come back to me. You’re not a monster, please listen to me.”
    Blinking, I raised a hand and touched it to Terry’s cheek. Surprise shook me to my very core when I felt moisture. Terry closed his eyes at my touch. “Why are you crying?” I asked genuinely confused. A deep sadness stung in my belly at the sight before me.
    Terry blew out a long breath. “There you are; you’re ok.” He pulled me into his chest once more. “It’ll be ok, Max. I promise.” Terry effortlessly scooped me up. “You’re going to be the death of me, you know that, right?”
    Still confused, I remained silent as I enjoyed the warmth enveloped around me in Terry’s arms.
    We both grew silent as he climbed the stairs and made his way to my bedroom. Gently, he placed me on the bed, looking me over. Worry still hid behind his brown eyes. “Please, don’t ever scare me like that again,” he mumbled as he pulled the blanket over my body.
    “I don’t... I don’t understand,” I fumbled with the words intelligently.
    “I thought you broke,” he began, answering the question I couldn’t form. “I thought you snapped, Max, but you’re still here. You were just standing there saying the same thing over and over. You were so deep in your own misery that I thought I lost you to that darkness, but you pushed through.”
    I opened my mouth to speak, but I found myself simply listening to Terry’s deep voice. It was so soothing, so warm. Exhaustion swept over me like a thick warm syrup, mudding my senses.
    “Just get some rest, Max. I’ll see you in the morning,” Terry began to stand up but hesitated.
    “You got me out of my head,” I mumbled as I rolled over, pulling the blanket up to my chin. “I didn’t like seeing you cry over me.” My words came out in a tired slur. “It was the...” I yawned, “saddest thing I’ve ever seen. Please don’t cry over me...”
    “Max...” Terry sighed. “I have to tell Ruth...” I heard his words trail off before I gave up on trying to stay conscious.
    The last thing I remember before sinking into blissful unawareness were Terry’s warm fingers brushing away the last of my tears.
    You had your one chance, and you missed it.

--------------------

I know that you guys and gals have been waiting for an update FOREVER, and I'm so deeply sorry that it's taken so long for me to finish this one. I wont lie, since it had been so long since I wrote on this, I had a hard time finding the same oomph I had previously been writing on.

Hopefully, this chapter is up to your standards!

I appreciate all of you guys, and I've already started working on the next chapter!

Don't forget to vote and comment! Also, if you have friends that were reading this story, pass the message on that it's been updated (: