Leap of Faith

Alice in No Wonderland

The sound of the main doorbell shrieking woke me out of my slumber. I woke up with a start, with a throbbing headache. I pushed aside the copy of Pride and Prejudice, which had slipped underneath me, and slipped out of bed. Last night, when I could not sleep with all the fear of the next morning news and Shweta not being there, I read one of my favourite novels until I slept on it, somewhere in the early hours of the morning.

With heavy steps, I walked towards the door, stopping to peek inside Shweta's room. To my surprise, she was not there. It was unlike her to disappear without informing. As soon as I opened the door, though, I saw her standing on the other side of the threshold, grinning. I was about to open my mouth to ask her for an explanation when Nikhil moved forward with a sheepish grin.

"I came to drop her," he said ready to follow Shweta inside. That really triggered something wild within me.

"Bye, Nikhil," I dismissed shutting the door.

She looked bewildered at me as if I had done something outrageous. I heaved with anger at her insensitivity. Here I was in a crisis, and she was enjoying with her new boyfriend, forgetting about my existence. What kind of friend did that make her?

Without uttering a word, I moved past her to my bedroom. I realised if I said something in this moment she would not like it. She enjoyed while her friend suffered. How could she desert me?

"What is your problem?" Shweta called out from behind me equally angry. 

"Oh I don't know," I shouted. "You aren't telling me anything about your life nowadays."

"I have told you everything," she sneered. "And why the hell are you so angry about?"

"Do you want to hear from the start?" I snapped. "First, you didn't tell me that you liked Nikhil. Second, you did not tell me that you wanted to date him. And third, you didn't tell me that you were going to spend the night with him." I was heaving so furiously that I did not realize that my eyes were wet with tears.

She stormed into my bedroom, leaving me confused. She came back with my cell phone and shoved the screen in my face. I saw that there were several missed calls and messages saying that she was going out with Nikhil on a long drive to Alibaug beach. Her last message read:

I got engaged! Can you believe it? I am reaching in an hour. Can't wait to tell you all about it. :) :) :)

I looked at her with a blank expression. Her eyes were filled with tears, reflecting hurt and pain. I realized the damage I had done. Oh, how I wanted to reverse my words right then.

"I was really excited Trisha! But this time, you really have gone too far," she sobbed hard. "You can't see me happy because you are not. And that is so selfish of you!" With that, she went past me to her bedroom, not even glancing back.

"Shweta, please. I...I... am... sorry," I stuttered as reality dawned on me and the fog of my anger faded away.

My legs lost their balance and I collapsed in the chair. We had never fought before. The worst part was that she was right about me being selfish. 

I hoped she would try to forgive me, and for that, I needed to try hard. It felt like jumping into a hole just like Alice in Alice in Wonderland, except there was no wonderland and there was nobody in the hole.

Just me, all alone.

***

I checked my bags one more time. For a two-week trip, I had to pack my whole wardrobe. My flight was in two hours. It was a cloudy morning; I wished Mother Nature would give me a better sign than this. Everything in my life was a chaos and boredom. The one person I thought I could pour my heart out to was not talking to me. Just the cherry on top!

Just before I left, I knocked on Shweta's door in the new hope that she would probably talk to me now. Just a 'bye' would do, really! But no reply. I sighed. She was in there, and I could feel that she was awake. Yet, she was shutting me off. She was never this dramatic; well neither was I. Perhaps love and heartbreaks make a person go crazy!

"I already said I am sorry and I couldn't be happier that you got engaged. I acted like a fool," I screamed out the same line now for the hundredth time now in the last two days. But Shweta did not reply. "I will be going for two weeks, and I am leaving now. I want to say goodbye, that's all." I said. When no reply came I picked up my bags and left.

When I finally reached the airport, I spotted Harshit at the airport gate, suited up and ready to work.

"Sir, I am excited to learn from you," I told him truthfully, when we settled into our seats in the aircraft. Despite the emotional burden, I was looking forward to learning and move ahead in my career. I had reminded myself that it was the ultimate goal of my life, to grow professionally and make an identity for myself.

"That's the spirit I am looking for," he replied. I smiled. He held my gaze for a few a more seconds, thinking hard.

"I hope you will not take this the wrong way, but when you were recruited, I had my doubts about you being worthy of the position you were given. It was the first time when the HR department had hired a fresher for such a crucial position. And when all these rumours were floating around in the office, about you and Mr Kar, I had assumed what all others assumed," he confessed in a soft tone "But I was so wrong. After seeing your report on the revolution of our designs, I was convinced of your capability. You have paid attention to such details in the design process, which only the veterans could see."

"Thank you for having so much trust in me. I will never let you and our company down," I solemnly declared. I was relieved that he did think the best of me in this mess too. I smiled inwardly as I realized that this was the longest conversation we had had until then.