A Dying Light

FIVE

I knock on the door, of a therapist that I've booked an appointment for. She opens the door and smiles at me. "Hi, my name's Tori. Have a seat," I sit on the couch, and observe the room. It's spacious, and seems far from the city, more on the cottage side of the US. Sunlight streams through the house, seamlessly, and I smile. It smells fresh in here, like Lavenders. Its simplicity takes me away. "I love this place," I tell her, and she smiles. I notice the grey in her hair and the youngness in her face. She smiles at me, forming dimples, and I realize what I'm here to talk about. "So, tell me about..." she takes my hands and shows my wrists. This is the first time since I started cutting, I've shown my scars. She looks at them, not sympathetically, but not apathetically. It's a mix of both and neither at the same time. I look down at the new and old scars. "My father's abusive, and once I turned 14 I started cutting," I say, and run my finger over the first cut I ever did. It stands out because it's further down my arm, and the rest are on my veins. "I just needed... closure, I guess? I have no idea," I release a shaky sigh and tell the rest. How my Dad got worse once Caleb left, how my thoughts go. "Last year, I was so close to attempting..." tears spill my eyes, and I close them, reliving the horrible memory. How the rope hung from the ceiling, how I almost put my neck in. How my thoughts were killing me. "Okay," Tori only says. I don't understand, so I look at her befuddled. "Think of your fans, how happy they make you, and your friends. Especially in those moments," I nod. I wipe my tears off my cheeks, slightly embarrassed for crying. "Anything else affecting you?" She asks, and I nod. I think of my boyfriend and bit my lip. I tell her about Eric and me, how our first week together was fantastic, and now... he's sleeping with other girls. I can't dump him, however. She nods along. I sigh and feel content from telling her everything.

I'm walking back from Tori's place to the school, clinging to my jacket. I trip over a sign and fall on top of someone. I notice people taking pictures, and look at the person. "I'm so sorry, Four," I say, bright red, and he laughs. He's also blushing lightly. I hear my name being shouted, and I help him up. I dust myself off and look at the people. Paparazzi. "Tris, who is this man?" I hear a voice ask, and look at them. "A boyfriend?" I blush wildly and look at my feet.
"He's my teacher. And a friend. His name's Four," I take his hand in mine, and I squeeze it. I don't want them with me. "Tris!" They call after me, as Four and I wave off people. He takes me back to the school, and I thank him. "No problem," he smiles, and I notice his smile is always shy. Uriah's stretches to his eyes, but Four's is shy. Like he's surprised you looked at him in the first place. I kiss his cheek, and he turns bright red, and I hear a voice call me.

"Come on!" Uriah drags me to a party, and I notice everyone is here. Eric advances on me, and I push him away. "We're done," he laughs. I give him a befuddled look, and he pushes me aside. That's what I am to him? Scum?
"I wasn't trying to get you, Tris. I was to her," he kisses the girl behind me, and I scoff. Tears spring to my eyes, and I take a cup of punch. Uriah dances beside me, drunkenly, and I try to as well.

Eric and the girl keep making out, and I roll my eyes, as they leave to a bedroom. Four taps my shoulder. He's very drunk, I can see, and I scratch the back of my neck. "Hey," he shouts over the music, and I smile at him. I kiss him, sloppily, and he pulls away from me. "Don't do anything stupid, Tris," I shake my head, and kiss him, again. He pushes me away. "Stop," his voice growls, and I sigh. "You just want revenge on Eric. Don't sleep with someone just because of that." He leaves.