Plot Twist

One step forward, two steps back

I was still trying to figure out the right time to talk to Jiwan about what happened when I realized there really isn't much to talk about after all.

She was already drunk by the time we were playing Bitna's games and can hardly remember what happened then. If she can't remember how she managed to go to bed, the rest is apparently out of the question.

We were on our way back to the city from the out of town trip and Bitna and Sehun are just recounting how Jiwan climbed on one of the tables and did a monkey dance as a dare. Among other silly things she did.

"Imagine how popular you could be if we posted a video of it on social media!" they teased.

It's true, she's the type that can pull off embarassing stuff and guys will still line up to date her. That's the kind of person she is. Adorable. Charming.

Of course she was pouting the everytime they re-enact something, occassionaly replying
"Chincha? Did I really do that?".

Eventually we arrived at our destination.

Our houses are at the same direction so we said our casual goodbyes to the rest of them and started walking home.

"Sol, don't you think the weather is kind of hot today? Let's eat bingsu before we go back!" her face lit up upon bringing up the idea. Looks like she managed to regain her energy now.

I decided to push it one more time, I will never be able to let it go without asking it myself.

"Do you still not remember anything from last night?"

"Last night?" She scratched her head and stopped walking. She was wearing a white shirt topped with a light yellow cardigan and a high waist jeans.

"Yes, last night. I brought you to the room and-"

"Ugggh, I really can't remember that much Sol." She put her hands to her face attempting to remember.

Even that looks cute

"I should really quit drinking from now on.

Yeah Seo Jiwan, you really should

Did I cause you that much trouble?"

I can't exactly say trouble but maybe that's the word for it

But no point in making her recall something she can't remember.

"Nevermind, let's just go and grab your bingsu", I sighed.

We're back to square one.

I picked up my pace feeling somewhat disappointed.

I can't help it.

It's as if whenever I think things will finally start progressing, I later get reminded that they won't.

It's like I'm always either going backwards or reaching another dead end.

But she did not ask me to love her.

She did not ask that I keep in me a glimpse of hope that everytime she does something platonic, it could be something more.

She was just here by my side, effortlessly being herself and it's me who keep making things complicated on my end.

Sometimes I wonder how easier it will be if everytime she clings to my arm it just feels like how a normal friend does it. Like Nabi.

Nothing more, nothing less.

It must be nice.

But do I really want that?

Uggh.

Speaking of which, I just realized, for some reason that Jiwan didn't really hold my hand for the rest of our way to the bingsu cafe.

When we took a spot in a corner, she sat across me when usually she sits beside me.

She must be feeling guilty though there's no reason to. Something she's unaware of can't be held against her.

I ordered her favorite strawberry flavored shaved ice. Mango for me.

3 minutes into eating it, a guy approached our table.

"Excuse me, Sol, I didn't know you come to this place, too!" It was Jung Ju Hyeok, the guy I accidentally bumped and spilled coffee on.

We met a few times so I can make up for the incident. He's a reserved kind of guy but is surprisingly a good conversationalist. He's more of an analytic type though and is not much into arts but he can take creative discussions with interest. He mentioned about working for a statistic related field, I forgot the company. Anyway he's alright. For some reason though, Jiwan doesn't seem to like him.

She looked up and changed her warm mood upon recognizing Ju Hyeok.

He nodded to recognize my company but Jiwan didn't reply. I remember that time when I toured him in our campus and went to the flea market, Jiwan got somewhat mad.

We still haven't fully addressed that too.
We're piling up on things that we haven't fully addressed I see.

As if getting the cue, he gestured to leave, "Anyway, I just wanted to say hi, I went here with some friends and we're already heading out".

"Okay, goodbye then" Jiwan finally spoke candidly.

I waved at Ju Hyeok and he went away.

And then it was just the two of us again, we continued eating our desserts in silence. Jiwan usually goes on about sharing something she recently discovered during these times - like a cute outfit she wants us to check out, or a movie or a new song.

Instead she brought up a weirs question"Sol, you trust me right?"

I nodded, curious about what she's getting at.

"Okay, then believe me when I say that I don't trust that guy."

"Seo Jiwan, trust me when I say that you've been acting a bit weird today". I giggled. But she didn't react, her face is all serious.

"I really think it's best if you won't hang out with him anymore."

I mean it's not like we're gonna keep hanging out since I've already somewhat made up to him for what I did, with the coffee stain on his shirt and everything. Still, she sounded really odd bringing this up.

"Tell me why, and then I'll think about it."

We're finished eating our bingsu at this point.

"But I thought you trust me?". She frowned.

"Actually, maybe not that much", I joked and she pouted.

We left the cafe and started to walk home. Her serious face now gone and she's back to the warm mood she usually has.

She was also holding my arm the rest of our way, and it felt to me like we're back to our safe little bestfriends bubble, even if just for a moment.

I really enjoy Jiwan's company with or without having these feelings for her. She's a great friend to have. Fun, sweet, supportive, protective. And we've been friends for so many years that most of the time I feel like the line between my love for her as a bestfriend and as something more has been blurred out that I won't be able to distinguish the two anymore.

So maybe it wasn't so bad if we stay like this forever.

Maybe this is only as far as we should go.